caffeinated butter juice

I don't know how to tell you this delicately without you thinking I've lost my damn mind so I'll just spit it out: I've been drinking bulletproof coffee. Does that mean nothing to you? Brace yourself, here it is:

So yeah, coffee with butter. And oil. I'm drinking that shit. I think I might have hit my head pretty hard recently and I don't remember it because why else would I be drinking this? Oh, because people on the internet were doing it and I'm a lemming. Awesome, where's the nearest cliff?

A while back I came across the recipe for bulletproof coffee and I'm pretty sure I sent it to various friends with the comment "Paleo people are batshit crazy!" And I still stand by that statement and accept that this now makes me batshit crazy too. Do I like the coffee? Maybe. Kinda. I don't know. I mean, it's supposed to be magical and at this point, I'm drinking it waiting for the magic to happen. 

I find I'm in a similar situation I was in during my Whole30. That program claims that around day 16 you start to feel amazing. Stronger! Thinner! An all around better human! Everyone wants to feel awesome so I committed to the program and ended up feeling kind of normal the whole time. Sure, I became ridiculously cranky as they predicted but instead of swinging over to Super Human, I just slowly swung back to my normal self. I went through the trouble of making almond milk for that? Ugh.

Jump ahead to my current life and a friend on Twitter was raving about her daily bulletproof coffee. She was losing weight drinking butter! She was performing better at Crossfit! Of course I immediately thought "I want those things too! Pass me the caffeinated butter juice!" 

I've been having one cup every morning for about two weeks and once again there's no tiger blood. No increased strength. I feel exactly the same. I have no idea how long I'll continue this odd morning routine as grassfed butter isn't cheap and neither is the special MCT oil needed. On the other hand, today I came across this infographic and hell if I know how much of it is accurate, but it is interesting. 

So there you have it, I'm drinking butter in my coffee. I guess my next move will be to cut out the middle man and straight up have a stick of butter for breakfast. But only grassfed butter. Anything less than that would just be crazy. 

running the empire

I wrote this post yesterday and was scratching my head over what to title it when I saw the news about the explosions in Boston. My focus immediately shifted to that situation and everything else fell to the wayside. This morning I opened my computer and found this post sitting open in a Chrome tab. I debated posting anything because the day after a national tragedy is a sensitive time. People are on edge and we are quick to point fingers and call names. We want answers, not distractions. 

But my words have nothing controversial in them. And maybe you do need a distraction. Maybe you're like me and you feel compelled to sit and watch hours of news even though you know it's not healthy. Having something else to read and focus on, even if it's for 2 minutes, is good for you. After this, go outside. Pick up a book. Go grocery shopping. Play with your dog. Step away from the news for a little bit. Step away from the fights on Twitter and Facebook. 

Truly awful things happened yesterday but today, focus on the good. Let's all be kind and gentle to each other. 

I've started and restarted this post about six times. Yes, this month's race was just another half marathon but it was also so much more than that. This race was the start of traveling for my 12 in 12 plan and I felt immense pressure for it to go well to prove that all the time and expense of traveling this year was worth it. I'm a worrier by nature so I worried if I didn't PR I would find it hard to justify the rest of my travels. That jparks would be disappointed in me and guilt me into not going away again. That the whole trip would be money wasted and I wouldn't want to step foot on the plane to Portland in May.

Oh y'all. I invested all that worry into this trip and there was no reason for it. Going to NYC alone was awesome. I had the best time wandering around the city without having to worry that jparks would sprain his eyes rolling them as I slowly walked all nine floors of Saks. (9! A whole floor of the most beautiful shoes I've ever seen!) I could eat whatever I wanted even if that was cupcakes for dinner. 

The race itself worried me because the course was a loop through Central Park, repeated twice. I've never run a race that was like that and in my mind that second lap would be awful. I would know where I would struggle. I would know when the hard parts were coming. Worry worry worry. 

Surprise, that worry was pointless too. The second lap was fine. Totally, shockingly fine. I run the same route around my neighborhood all the time and knowing what's coming doesn't make my runs unbearable. The first lap passed much faster than I expected and the second was even easier. At least until I had to cross the start line for the third time at mile 12. 

For some reason crossing it the third time got into my head something fierce and I had to stop running. There was no reason why I couldn't run the last mile but my anger towards that start line slowed me to a walk. I walked about a quarter of a mile then finally managed to shake myself out of that funk and started running again. I so wish I had been stronger than that start line but I wasn't. Screw you start line. 

The only other complaint I have is that when I registered I must have underestimated my pace and I was slotted to start with the last group. I spent the first two miles weaving my way through the walkers and slower runners, trying to get to the pack of people moving at my pace. Lots of wasted energy there, but totally my fault. Hey self, you're faster than you think. Start owning that and race day will be much better. 

I finished in 2:23:18 which isn't my best time, but I'm happy with it. I enjoyed my trip, I enjoyed running with 7,550 other women, I enjoyed the sign that said "Keep Running! (Because I don't know CPR!)" and I enjoyed how supportive everyone was of each other. When Deena Kastor, who won the race with a 1:11:03 finish, passed me at mile 4.5 on her final lap (about her mile 10.5) we all clapped and cheered for her. It felt like no one got their medal and left the Park. Nope, people walked to various points along the route and cheered for us still out there trying. I've seen people do this at other races, but not this many people. It was really great.

Big thumbs up to the More Magazine/Fitness Magazine Half. I would definitely run it again. Care to join me?

zooma, we are never ever getting back together

Dear Zooma,

I should spare your feelings and say it's not you, it's me but that's a lie. Zooma you are an awful race, a hard race, a race that I can't seem to crack and I'm done with you. 

I should have known from the beginning that we were not meant to be. You gave me a crappy bib number. Odd numbers! How can I possibly perform well with only one even number on my bib! So inconsiderate of you Zooma. 

Can we talk for a second about your need for me to wake up at 4am? Because 4am is hella early. My timeline for race morning was:

• 4am wakeup
• 4:30am leave house
• 5am arrive at parking lot/catch shuttle to resort
• 5:40am arrive at resort, pick prime spot on lobby floor and camp out for 2 hours until race start.

Two hours Zooma. I sat on a hotel lobby floor for two hours reading a book and trying not to pass out using my gear check bag as a pillow. I also got to eat a baggie of boiled eggs that I peeled in a hotel bathroom because at 4am I wasn't thinking clearly enough to peel them before leaving the house. 

Bathroom eggs Zooma. You made me eat bathroom eggs.

You're hilly Zooma. So hilly that you make the Austin half marathon look flat. That's quite an achievement and you should be proud of it. But damn if that doesn't pose a problem for anyone in a relationship with you. Hills are exhausting. Hills are hard. Hills can break a girl. 

I mean really, a big hill at mile 10.5? That's not good for our relationship. 

Zooma, I admit that for the first five miles I thought we were going strong. You had me convinced you were one thing but then something changed and your true self came through. I'm sorry, but I didn't like who you became. In fact, at mile 12 I absolutely hated you.

Hey mile 12 sign! Screw you. I almost ran over and knocked you down. I totally would have done it if running to you wouldn't have meant I had to take ten extra steps. 

I know when you're ending a relationship it's good to get right to the point and not prattle on like I'm doing but dammit Zooma, I thought we had a good thing. You were my March half and I was so ready for you. I wanted to do well. I wanted to PR. I wanted to continue our relationship next year. But it's not meant to be. We are never ever getting back together. 

Embarrassing. But at least my March half is in the books. Onward to April and a new relationship with a half in NYC. 

coupled

As much as I like to pretend I lead a glamourous life, the truth is that since re-committing myself to working out I live in workout clothes, tee shirts, and pony tails. I often don't bother with makeup because I'm just going to sweat it off while running. 

Here's me on basically every day of my life. I love a giant purse and have carried this love over to under eye bags. The bigger the better, yes?

I like to think I clean up well though so last year when we took family pictures I started thinking about how jparks and I aren't getting any younger and how we have only a handful of pictures of just us. We eloped and there's only a few pictures from that event and definitely no engagement session. Our kids are runners so if we ever dared to try to a take picture of just us out somewhere we would totally lose them both. The only thing to do was book a session with Michele for just jparks and I, ditch the kids, and get gussied up. 

Goal: achieved!

This one, which I love, makes me feel like I should be eating a salad in it. (I know the meme is eating salad alone but whatever)

This session was hard for jparks. He didn't realize the pictures would be posed and he was utterly embarrassed by everything we did. We were far from alone on the streets and people kept walking passed us saying "engagement session!" It really took a lot of of him to not be a smart ass the whole time. In this picture he was told to touch me and he would like you to know that this is technically touching. 

Purple hair!

Michele asked jparks if he could jump and jump he did. This was his warm up one:

And here's his best Jackie Chan impression:

Y'all. I'm so glad we did this session. I love all the pictures and can't accurately describe how awesome Michele is. I'm always amazed when we get our pictures from her and eager to book another session. She's the best ever. Seriously.

 

a lot of words about working out

Towards the end of last year I mentioned how I had become a human garbage disposal, eating any and everything in sight. I knew going into the new year I wanted to get myself back on track not only with food but also with exercise. I am a constant runner because it is an easy activity for me and enjoyable but other forms of exercise, not so much. Things that require a teacher and a studio take more dedication because I actually have to get into my car and go to them. I have to be there at a certain time or get fined for being late. It all just feels like so much pressure and work.

But I knew I needed to dedicate myself to something other than running if I wanted to change my body composition from cookie to muscle and after investing no thought into it, I choose CrossFit as my new exercise. I picked it because a local friend has had amazing results at CrossFit Central and really, who doesn't love it when a friend admires you enough to copy your every move?

I've been going every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday since January and guys, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I am really enjoying it. I haven't consumed the CrossFit Kool-Aide yet (although jparks has. He's in it to win it. Which he can't do because I'm totally crushing him.) but I do like it enough to not think twice when it's time to renew my membership each month.

So what does CrossFit involve and can the average person who has never touched a barbell in her life do it? Will people laugh when I can't do a pullup? Is grunting necessary?

Y'all, I asked everyone I know who is currently enrolled in CrossFit a million questions because I needed to be prepared so I didn't look like an ass my first class. I knew that I wanted flat trainers, preferably Converse or a pair of minimus shoes for class because lots of padding isn't good for weight lifting. Yes, knee socks are common because you don't want the bar to skin your shins. Some grunting does happen but no one will think you're weird if you work out quietly. Pullups are easily modified for beginners like me. Hell, everything is easily modified for beginners like me and when you finally move beyond those modifications, people will cheer for you. Your classmates are this weird set of cheerleaders who want to see you improve and will get just as excited as you when you finally nail a double under. It's totally weird and uncomfortable for me because I am such an internal and sarcastic person but it just works in the CrossFit gym setting.

My coach has been great about helping me figure out what I can do instead of whatever impossible move is included in the Workout of the Day. Impossible moves include:

Handstand pushups!


Double unders!


Burpees over the bar! (with bonus power cleans in the beginning. I've actually done this WOD and towards the end, I would get to the bottom part of the burpee and just lay on the ground waiting for death.)


Wall Walks!


Honestly, it's not nearly as scary as I expected. I also felt overwhelmed by all the acronyms and special move names but you quickly start to figure things out (HSPU! AMRAP! WOD! Clean! Jerk! Russian Swing!) and I can't stress this enough, the coaches are like super human nice to beginners (and to old pros too). I don't think I'm ever that nice to anyone at any point in time but there they are, being so nice while I struggle to do one pushup. "Oh you need me to show you a clean and press for the third time this session? Okay! Let's do it!" I wouldn't be able to resist adding an "idiot" to the end of that but they do! It's amazing really.

So to close out the wordiest post about CrossFit ever, I just want to say that you shouldn't be scared or intimated by it at all. Honestly, if I can do it then I know you can do it too. Hey, let's get together for some burpees soon! Maybe an out and back sled push! 400m run! Or you know, we could get together and talk about doing those things while eating ice cream. Same difference.