losing

In the past I've done the following diets all with moderate, but short term, success: South Beach, The Abs Diet, Weight Watchers, various Spark People plans, and a combination low calorie/insane workout plan created by me so you know it was totally legit. All of these worked in the sense that I dropped about five pounds, maybe ten if I stuck to it for more than two weeks, but in the long term I abandoned ship and gained back more than I lost. I'm not saying those aren't all good diets that can produce real lasting results, hell I'm back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon, but in my case I wasn't mentally ready to diet. Food still ruled this roost and if you're going to have any kind of success that just can't be the case.

After I had Truman I knew there was a very good chance we would have a second kid so why bother to lose any weight (shut up, my logic is flawless). I managed to not put on a lot of weight while pregnant with Pippa (thanks never ending morning sickness!) but once she came out and my hormones went batshit crazy, I ate everything in sight. Seriously, ask jparks, I was a crying mess with tears and chocolate permanently smeared across my face. Once the haze cleared and I got a good look at what I had let myself become I was mad and disappointed. Had I really given up all hope of fitting into my clothes and just bought new ones? Yes. Had I decided that cookies all day long were a good thing? Yes. Had I really let myself get so big that running hurt my knees when that had never been an issue before? Yes.

Once I realized all of that I knew that for the first time I was ready to diet. I was ready to watch the number on the scale drop, ready to pull out all my favorite jeans again, ready to be healthy.

Now here's where I admit that as hormonal crazy as I went post partum, I went just about that crazy this month with diets. First I started a three day juice cleanse on the 10th. Yup, I celebrated my 32nd birthday with a big bottle of beet juice. I don't know how much I buy into the idea of detoxing your body because there was no way I was going to get a colonic; the reason I did the cleanse was to learn how to use my willpower and that I was capable of saying no to things. Because it turns out that what my mind wants (salted caramel nutella brownies and peanut butter sheet cake) are not the same as what my body wants (lean protein and kale). Those three days of juice, juice, and more juice was so shockingly easy that when I opened my last bottle of cashew milk I wished I had opted for a five day cleanse instead of a three. Trust me, I was shocked that I thought that and not "bring me a steak dripping with butter!"

I won't bore you with all the cleanse details, but if you're interested leave me a comment and I'll email you more info about it (trust me, I can talk your ear off regarding this juice cleanse). Not to be overly cheesy but I learned a lot about myself in those three days and that has helped me lay an incredibly solid foundation for the next step of my diet, a 21 day meal plan from Snap Kitchen...

extended

Yesterday I got eyelash extensions. I know, I know, it's totally ridiculous and frivolous and who the hell do I think I am? But I've been addicted to mascara for ages and despite buying just about every one on the market (drug store and department store brands included) I've never found one that truly delivered on all of its promises. I've also considered Latisse, but I honestly have no clue how to ask a doctor for a prescription without feeling like a drug addict. Yes, I realize it's eyelash medicine and not some kind of pain killer but still, the potential to be an eyelash drug addict is there and I'm embarrassed. Don't judge me.

Back in October a Groupon popped up for eyelash extensions and the price was right so I jumped on it. My expectations were low and I figured I would either end up with no noticeable difference (I call it Mascara Let Down Syndrom) or they would be so obviously fake I would be one short step away from feather eyelash extensions. Well color me pleasantly surprised, I love them!

And now onto the uncomfortably close pictures of my eyes!

Before:




And extended!




I told the eyelash tech that I wanted them to look like I was wearing the world's best mascara and not be too obviously fake and I feel like that's exactly what I got. When I got home jparks knew something about my face was different but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.

The actual application was not painful but it was a tiny bit uncomfortable. Mine was an hour and forty-five minutes of having my eyes closed, with my lower lashes gently taped under an aloe pad so they don't get in the way. It's a slow process because they are individually gluing one eyelash at a time to your real lashes. When she was done my eyes were bright red but it went away after about 20 minutes. She also glued my eye shut in one spot, which sounds way worse than it really was. It was just that a lower lash had gotten loose and stuck to a top lash, no biggie. Since this was my first time having it done I'm going back in two weeks to get a fill, where they'll replace any loose lashes or fill in any clumps. If I weren't going to do fill visits they would last anywhere from 60 to 90 days, which is the normal lifespan of your natural eyelashes.

So yes, it's expensive and does require upkeep, but for me it's worth it, especially considering the Groupon made the whole thing more than half off. I don't have to wear mascara now but it is an option if I really want them to have oomph. They are also a tad darker than my natural lashes which darkens my lash line, kind of causing a lined effect replacing the need for an additional eyeliner. The tech told me the less I mess with them the longer they'll last which is perfect since lately I rarely have more than ten minutes to get ready.

Yay for eyelashes!

Things I've learned thanks to running

• If a running trail can easily fit six runners across it will only accomodate one mom with a jogging stroller, talking on her cell phone while walking her dog 
• People that wear those five finger shoes are smug. The looks they give us regular shoe wearing people totally say "Ugh, you are so unevolved with your toes all smooshed together in one compartment." 
• Austin is hilly. What the hell? How have I never noticed these monster hills before? 
• Running up hills is hard.
• Running down hills is hard too. I nearly faceplanted down one the other day because I had more forward momentum than my legs could keep up with.
• Running on the treadmill is the work of Satan. Why can I run 3 miles outside but barely a half mile on the treadmill? Also, why does that half a mile take me 25 minutes on the treadmill when I can do 3 miles in 32 minutes outside? I suck at math but those numbers don't add up. 
• After running (outside or on the treadmill) I get red faced. I'm not taking a little flushed either. I'm full out cranberry red, looking like any second I'm going to pass out. Angry red face is gonna get'ya! 
• When faced with a race starting line, I have no idea how to position myself. Too close to the front and I'm in the way of the serious runners. Too far back and people are in my way and I have to bob and weave. Where is the sweet spot? Does the sweet spot even exist? 
• No matter how much I whine about it, I really like running. 

the clouds are parting

Well hello. 

I'm here, alive and mostly well. My hair is falling out in large post partum clumps and I'm still eating like a crazed fool who has never encountered a cookie before and therefore must eat all of them before they disappear. I'm still having trouble getting up in the morning to workout thanks to Pippa's new trick of 4:30am wakes up that require me and my boobs. But the crazy feels like it's becoming less of an issue and is now just a small cloud of gloom trailing behind me instead of a storm that's flooding me. 

I'm finding that things like this really help:

Truman would really like it if everyday he could go knock on the neighbors' doors and get candy. 

Pippa would like to wear a fleecy pumpkin outfit everyday because that shit is warm.

vee-log!

There's this meme going around right now where people talk so you can judge their accents. At first I was all "oh hell no" but then I watched a couple and was shocked by how wrong these people are. People that I know and love, but wrong! I decided it was my job to correct them.  

Things I've learned watching this: I do this thing with my bottom lip that is weird. I tend to look up a lot. I don't have the patience to record this more than once. 

Welcome to my underwater fish den:

Untitled from regan parks on Vimeo.

Tech types: I can't upload this to youtube because the site doesn't support this type of file. Anyone want to convert it for me?