Thursday, September 25, 2014

In pictures (and a few words): Seattle

I had planned on writing a nice post about Erica and my trip to Seattle but the day after we came home I ran myself over to urgent care and had this delightful little set up done to my hand.

I guess I'm a Longhorn fan now

I think we can all agree that when you break your finger as you're just about to head to the airport for a child-free weekend, you just push through and get that shit checked out when you get home.

Without use of my left hand I can't easily type on a keyboard. I mean, I can type but I'm not sure you would be able to decode what I'm saying with all the random letters strewn throughout the text. So I'm blogging from my phone which isn't super conducive to long, wordy posts about how we did a bunch of stupid shit like run/walk a half marathon on a broken foot and busted hip and eat enough ice cream to cause lactose intolerance.

So in place of words please enjoy a photo tour of Super Social Food League's first road trip. We are currently accepting applications for an adult chaperone for our next trip. 

Erica never quite figured out that if I ask to take a selfie on a plane, the caption will have to do with us dying.
Fully functional toy oven that nearly gassed us on a daily basis
Someone, not me, was unable to control herself at the first bakery we visited. 
Okay, fine, it was a lie. I over bought too. But can you blame us? Check out those cheesy, paprika encrusted layers
We partied HARD. 
Look at me moving that broken finger like it's no big deal. 

The really adventurous runners used a chip as a utensil for eating cake. 
We participated in a half marathon that featured Blerches, nutella sandwiches, and birthday cake. 
 I blame the runners high for what happened after the race. We decided that going to three ice cream/gelato places for dessert was a good idea. We are truly stupid.

The implied "in moderation" is understood by everyone but us.
 It's seems wrong to me now, but once upon a time I really loved ice cream.
Molly Moon's Ice Cream. Stop #1. Such joy here.
Bluebird ice cream. Stop #2. We are starting to have doubts. 
It's weird, but it's almost like Erica doesn't want to make a choice at stop #3.
This was not staged, the only thing we could do upon arriving home was to be one with the floor.

Monday, September 15, 2014

in which I drown my feelings in juice

About three weeks ago I hurt my hip. Actually if you want to get technical I didn't hurt my hip, I was just standing in my living room when jparks let the dog into the house. 50 pounds of canine stupidity came running full speed at me and took me out. Less than a week later I was at the orthopedist for my hip because the situation was not good. I was told I should cut back on pretty much all lower body crossfit activities and see a physical therapist. I then made the brilliant decision to run a 2.5 mile relay to see if my hip could handle it since I had a half marathon planned for two weeks later. It could not. My physical therapist at that point told me I was allowed to do nothing. No swimming, no crossfit at all, no nothing. I was to sit on my ass for a month, only moving to do my rehab exercises.

You can imagine how well that went over with me. "Can I go to class and just..." "No!" "I'm signed up for a half..." "No!" "Well, what if I just.." "No! You are to do nothing. You need to heal otherwise you'll hurt yourself more and need surgery. Rest!" 

At this point I figured if I was going to sit around being miserable and mopey, I might as well add a juice cleanse into the mix! 3 days with no food! That is totally doable if I can't workout! I've done it before, I know it's possible! Other motivational self talk! Then I started cleanse shopping and suddenly the idea of three days of juice seemed really unappealing. And way too expensive. Eventually I settled on the Suja Essentials 3-Day Fresh Start because it was only three juices a day with small "meals" between them and it was cheap. Yay for cheap!

Juices purchased, raw almond purchased, rice cakes purchased, let's go!

Breakfast: Spicy Lemonade. Chased with black iced coffee. Because you know, I'm just not committed to this enough to stop drinking iced coffee. 
My body is as nourished as my backyard grass

Oh, hunger! Time to consult my booklet and see what my morning meal is! 20 raw almonds and an apple! Well, that's just sad.

Lunch: Green Greatness, which I was warned was the worst thing that a friend had ever tasted. My excitement was obviously high. 
Everything is better through a straw, right? Juice, cocaine, etc. 

Honest talk? It wasn't bad. Not great, but I would rather suck down another bottle of it before ever touching BluePrint Cleanse's beet, apple, carrot, and despair juice again.

Approximately 15 minutes after finishing the Green Greatness, hunger hit again. Time to really splurge on solid food. Boiled eggs, plain guacamole, and pepper. It was surprisingly good and filling. Thank you fine print in the booklet that casually mentioned non-vegan meal options. Also, thanks Trader Joe's for selling peeled hard boiled eggs. I'm pretending they aren't weird and sold to you in a giant bucket filled with chemicals that you repackage into less gross baggies. 
I don't even understand how I managed to take a picture before falling face first into the bowl.
Dinner: Vanilla Nutz. 
The unnecessary z did not add a tinge of idiot to the flavor

Vanilla Nutz managed to be watery and slimy at the same time but the taste was good. I think it must have been because of the inclusion of banana, which is not in the far superior BluePrint Cleanse's cashew vanilla milk. 

This one actually held me over the longest, thanks fat and extra calories! But still I got hungry and decided to go off booklet and have gluten free toast and almond butter. 
My definition of "meal" has really changed
I won't take you through the next two days because I can honestly say they were almost identical to day one. I did opt for a rice cake instead of the toast on the next days and one day I took my egg and sliced it onto the rice cake with a smear of guacamole under it. That's actually a snack I'm going to keep in rotation. 

On the morning after the cleanse, I woke up not really knowing what I was going to have for breakfast. I could have ANYTHING. No restrictions! So what did I have?
plain greek yogurt, hemp seeds, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, drizzle of honey, sprinkle of cinnamon
I'm actually embarrassed about how healthy that is and even more embarrassed to tell you that I like it so much that it's my regular breakfast now. That was my takeaway from this cleanse, that when I strip away all the crap I eat, I do actually find healthy foods to be good and filling. I paid ~$30 for the 9 bottles of juice so really, that's not that expensive to reset some pretty crappy eating habits. It's almost something I could see doing every few months just to keep myself in check or get back on track, though I don't know how I would have fared if I were still lifting weights and running. 

During this 3-day cleanse I sold my juicer to someone from Craigslist in a grocery store parking lot while Truman ate Cheetos standing next to me. It was hard not to laugh at the situation as I drove off drinking a pre-made bottle of Green Greatness. Convenience will always win with me. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

here be (not really) naked pictures

As you may have heard via my Instagram account, this blog post, or my twitter account, in July Erica and I did something really stupid, even by our super social softball league standards. We bought Groupons (already you should see red flags) for a photo session at Glamour Shots (bright red flags everywhere). But it turns out that I didn't pay much attention to the fine print of the Groupon and the deal was not for your typical headshot session, it was for a bourdoir session. (can you see anything besides red at this point?)

So, after much laughing until I was crying, Erica and I buckled down and decided to treat this session with as much sarcasm as we could muster. In her case that meant pictures dressed in a flannel shirt and Wayne's World hat and for me Google Glass, a Captain America shirt, and jparks' gaming headphones. We were also told to bring our husband's favorite coffee mug, which confused me. I mean I keep 2.5 gallons of iced coffee in my fridge at all times and even I don't know how a coffee mug equals sexy. But being a rule follower, I grabbed a Star Wars mug and packed it into the bags of props I had ready to go.
Are you incredibly turned on right now? I'm sorry, blame Vader.

The whole situation was pretty ridiculous in ways that even my "imagine every possible negative outcome" brain couldn't imagine. The photo taking part was actually less horrifying than I had prepared myself for but after that was over, and the salesgirls thankfully let Erica and me put back on real clothes, they sat us in a room which was delightfully decorated and just left us there. For a really, really long time. I still get nervous sweats just thinking about that damn "living room" and all the tasteful photograph options displayed.
 Don't forget, it's not too late to get that Glamour Shots credit card you've always dreamed about. 
 We were really having a great time, as I'm sure you can tell from this picture. 

After hours and hours and the hardest sell I've ever experienced, our freedom was finally bought and we were allowed to rejoin society. A few weeks later the three final images from my session arrived and I spent the rest of that day staring at them wondering exactly how much photoshopping it took to make my legs so fake. Also, are my legs really so bad off that they had to take pity on me and do free retouching, something they usually charge quite a bit for? Should I be more concerned than I am? What do you know Glamour Shots, that you aren't telling me?

That's a lot of build up for three images that really aren't much of anything. They aren't funny in the way that Glamour Shots from the early 1990s are. They aren't overly ridiculous like some of Glamour Shots boudoir pictures are. Don't get me wrong, they are ridiculous, but in a "You invested how much time, energy, and money into this?!?" sort of way.

Have I sufficiently built up and then crushed your expectations? Perfect, that's right where I want you.

I have no real way to close this except to say hello to all the new parents from preschool and kindergarten who have Googled me and landed here. Good luck looking me in the eye at Back to School night.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014

a television experience

Last year my fellow Super Social Food League member, Erica, attended the Austin Television Festival and made it sound so damn delightful that I immediately bought a ticket for this year's festival. Then I forgot about it until the festival started emailing me saying I should register for panels and get excited about the various shows they were screening. At that point I checked the schedule and got really skeptical about what was going to happen that weekend. Guys, I watch A LOT of tv and I didn't know many of the shows/actors/writers speaking on panels or being featured at screenings. But whatever, I was committed to this weekend so I pressed on, fueled by coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Stumptown take the wheel.

We kicked the festival off by attending a screening of Orange is the New Black where we watched Season 2, episode 1 and then heard from Big Boo, Crazy Eyes, and Taystee. They were right there! So close! Holy crap, this Festival was going to be awesome!
What I didn't realize is that sitting five rows from celebrities is not really close by this festival's standards. We went back to the hotel where celebrities were everywhere. I mean, seriously just hanging around us normal people! It was weird, like we're all just a bunch of humans. 

Oh, hi Uzo! You are lovely when not wearing prison beige!

Nick, you're pretty in person. Sorry I stopped watching Revenge when the show fell apart at the start of season two. Kerry, you were a good panelist even though you were on just about every panel I attended. 

Ray, get a haircut. Do that and I'll forgive you for asking Emily if her and her writing partner ever kiss. 

Friday night Erica and I attended an Adult Swim special at Alamo and I don't know what to say about it other than that The Heart, She Holler was like sticking a Q-tip into my ear too far and poking my brain. That and that Robot Chicken is still funny. 

Saturday a bunch of stuff happened including me talking to Brenda Strong and having no clue that she was famous. After that I was told to treat anyone with nice hair and exfoliated skin like a celebrity. The real excitement of that day came when we decided to try to attend the screening of Fargo, followed by the world premier of Guillermo del Toro's new show, The Strain. Despite our best judgement we got in line early and waited in the heat to get into the State Theatre to watch a show with a horrifying poster. 

"Hey Erica, won't it be funny if I manage to get in and you don't?" 
"We're letting in 15 more people! 1, 2, 3... 13, 14, 15" right at me. Too bad Erica makes a really good sad face because they ended up letting her in and now we both need therapy to deal with what Guillermo did to us. How bad could it have been? Well, check out the poster! After dealing with an hour of the show we then got to stare at that for another 45 minutes during the panel. Thanks Guillermo!

Here's Sean Astin acting out how we felt by the end of it. 

I know Sean, I know. It was tiresome and stressful. I just wanted a nap too. Especially since it was at this screening that Erica and I had full blown church giggles causing jparks to question if we were drunk when I recounted the story for him. For the record, we were not. We were, however, hopped up on ice cream and cookies. 

Thankfully the last day was less traumatic and we ended on a higher note. And by high note I mean, I embarrassed Erica by approaching Andy Daly and asking him about his coffee since she refused to take a picture with him. After finding out his coffee came from the Green Room (aren't you fancy Mr. Daly) I used my stealthy paparazzi skills (read as: none at all) to take a picture of Andy. 

I'm sure he totally didn't notice me doing this and also wasn't thinking "went to Austin, acquired a new stalker."

Now that it's over I really can't say enough good things about ATX Festival. I had a lot of fun, discovered a lot of new shows, and made an ass out of myself a shockingly large number of times. I plan on attending next year and can't wait to talk coffee with another famous person who will be confused about why I'm excited about coffee and not about meeting him. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

forward momentum

Lately I've been feeling unlike myself. I sit at the keyboard and it doesn't feel right. I pick up my camera and have to think about what to do with it instead of just doing. I prep for a run, step off, and stumble. Place a barbell on my back and I struggle to move it. You get the picture. 

I'm not sure what it is. I would say the keyboard/camera thing is from lack of using those muscles but I know that's not the case with the running/lifting heavy shit. To steal a line from Robert Frost "The best way out is always through" so I'm forcing myself to work through the discomfort. 

Today that meant not quitting the workout even when my coach asked if I needed to stop. (I can only imagine how bad I looked for her to ask that because quitting is usually not an option. Failing, yes. Quitting, no.) It means sitting down and droning on here with no point or plan or anything. (lucky you!) Just reacquainting my fingers with the keyboard. Making my brain flex its vocabulary muscle a bit.  It means dragging my camera bag out and taking my camera with me again. And learning to not feel like a tourist whenever I use it. I'm also trying to teach myself how to use Lightroom which is not going well at all. I am suddenly remembering that I am not the best teacher for myself. I would say I'm going to go run and not concern myself with stumbling but frankly my legs are done for today after this morning's lifting session.

So there you have it, I'm unlike myself lately and I can't pinpoint why. I'm trying to improve the situation but who knows how long that will take. I bought a bathing suit and plan to wear it with no shame this summer. (That is obviously unrelated to anything but important.)

Don't worry guys, the cat is as skeptical as you are. Stop scowling Tangi, I can do it! I can figure out Lightroom and run again! 
Now, does anyone have any suggestions for Lightroom tutorials? I've got work to do.