Thursday, December 29, 2005

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Yet another "Help Me Guess My Gift" update

I didn't get to go home for Christmas so Mom told me what 2 of my 3 gifts are:

1. gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. (for pajamas, not lingerie you sickos)
2. Bose iPod station thingy. I've really been wanting one and somehow Mom always knows without asking. We must have a psychic connection.
3. I still don't know. But she did give me another hint. She's keeping half so when I need replacements she'll have them. I'm now thinking it's a box of tampons.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Update: Help me guess my gift

Mom says she read everyone guesses and we have great ideas, but none of them are correct. Also, she says we will all be disappointed when I receive the gift. hmmm, Maybe she was lying when she said it was awesome.

Damn, I can't believe it's not a Cambodian orphan. I had a name picked out and all.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

I have found the secret to getting lots compliments. You ready to know what it is???

My new secret beauty weapon is red lipstick.

I swear people will tell you that you look beautiful, glamorous, and fantastic if you simply wear red lipstick. I bet that if you just put on red lipstick and didn't do anything else you would still get compliments. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do from now on. Roll outta bed with my hair all standing up straight, and the last remnants of mascara that I couldn't wipe off last night smeared under my eyes and stuck in the crusty bit in the corner and slap on some red lipstick.

I'll be one of People's 50 sexiest people in no time!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Help me guess my gift

My mom bought me a Christmas present and these are the clues I was given about it:

1. It can't be mailed
2. She's keeping half because...
3. ...It's awesome
4. It's going to make me feel like a grown up.

I don't know whether to be excited or scared. Any guesses as to what it is?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

My new BFF

Yesterday I rang up Sarah Michelle Gellar while I was working the register at B&N. I was not overly excited about seeing her but the truth is I'm so celebrity obsessed that seeing any one in real life is like walking into the pages of Entertainment Weekly. Oh the glamour of touching Sarah Michelle Gellar's gold Amex card! Can you imagine the expensive things that card has bought. Damn, I'm jealous.

When I told Jason that I saw SMG and that she was shorter than me, he disagreed. This prompted me to look up her bio on imdb.com to try and prove that indeed I AM taller than her. Well, her bio obviously lies about her height which is listed as 5'3" but really must be 5 feet even. But there were some other interesting facts listed there that lead me to believe that SMG and I could be really good friends if she gave me the chance to prove I'm more than a lowly B&N peon.

SMG: Big fan of Dr. Seuss. Hobbies: collects rare books, especially editions of classic children's literature
me: Big fan of Dr. Seuss. I love rare books, especially editions of classic children's literature

SMG: She studied Tae Kwon Do for five years, and now she's taking kickboxing, boxing, street fighting and gymnastics.
me: I really want to start kickboxing.

SMG: One of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People. [1998]
me: Someday, yes Someday

SMG:Tattoos: Celtic symbol on her left hip, Chinese symbol for integrity on her lower back and a heart with a dagger hanging over it tattooed on the inside of her right ankle.
me: I have tattoos, but not those

SMG: Her high school classmates include: Tara Reid, Jerry O'Connell, and Macaulay Culkin.
me: I went to high school.

SMG: Her favorite movie is Heathers
me: I have a favorite movie.

SMG: Her favourite food is sushi
me: me too! I love sushi!

SMG: Has said that if she wasn't an actress she'd want to be a journalist or a writer of childrens books
me: If I weren't lazy I would be a children's book writer and my journalism professor told me I would make a great journalist.

SMG: She beat out Rebecca Gayheart for the role of Cici in Scream 2
me: I could beat up Rebecca Gayheart.

SMG: Is an only child
me: I am an only child, kinda, depending on which side of the family you are looking at.

See, Sarah and I could be the bestest of friends.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Get Your Tivos Ready!

Project Runway Season 2 has started tonight!

All hail Banana Republic and Bravo for creating the best reality show ever!

Frozen Alive!

Austin has hit it's record high AND it's record low for December all in one week.

Tonight it dropped to about 28 degrees and everything is freezing. I've also learned a very important lesson: My car is not capable of handling cold. The mirrors are frozen with a layer of ice, the windshield squirty things won't squirt, and doors were stuck closed.

I also learned people in Austin don't know how to drive on icy roads. There were accidents all over the place and even though you skid across the road when you get to about 20 miles an hour people were still going 35 to 40. Genius!

The good news is that the final I had scheduled for tomorrow morning is now cancelled and rescheduled for next week. Extra study time!

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

You won't like me when I'm angry

Said to jparks while in the waiting room of the doctor's office:
"They gave me a steroid shot for my allergies, so you better not be a bastard or else I'll go into a 'roid rage and beat your ass"

Sunday, December 4, 2005

I'm the incredible disappearing friend

How many people have I been avoiding for the last month or so? 4 or 5? Or was it 5 or 6?

1. Jennifer
2. Bonnie
3. Holly
4. Emma
5. please feel free to insert your name here

so 5. It could be worse, I could be avoiding my blog too. Oh hell, I have even been doing that.

So what's with the avoiding people? This whole "where is my life going, what am I planning on doing, where am I planning on living?" has really been getting me down. Am I staying here in Austin or moving to California? Am I going to find a better job or will I continue to quietly loath every customer I help at Barnes and Noble? "Yes, we do have the newest Oprah book club title and no I don't really care that Oprah says it's the best book she's read since last week when some other publishing company sucked her huge Hollywood owning balls to recommend one of their books" See, I'm not bitter at all.

I'm just terrified of not knowing where my life is currently headed and it feels like as long as I keep that to myself I'll be okay. But the second that I have to say out loud that I don't have a plan I think I might fall apart.

So please don't take my silence as I'm ignoring you. And no, I don't deserve to have friends that try tediously to contact me only to be seemingly snubbed with no return calls or emails. But I do love you all and hope that you can stand about another week of me being horrible and not contacting the outside world.

Not a deal you're willing to make? Okay, how about another week and I'll start emailing everyone but until then I'll make some more posts on my blog. No more big gaps of laziness and taking the fact that I have a public arena to bitch on for granted.

I promise, I'll be a much better friend soon.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Angelina Jolie's Twin

Yup, that's me, Angelina Jolie's twin. Well, just in the lips. Okay, okay, just in the left half of my lower lip. I had 3 cavities drilled and filled this morning and now my lip is all swollen.

I'm back from Missouri, (Sequoia, I was there for a wedding) and I had to ride in another small plane on the way home. I swear I almost died when another plane almost hit us, but Jason seems to think that sort of thing either happens all the time or I'm over reacting. I say neither of his theories are right and I almost died.

I have pictures from the wedding uploaded to my flickr account if you're interested. You should go check them out because I had super cute hair. And there is also a picture of a 7 year old doing the worm. That child later asked me to dance and was hitting on me. It was totally the great hair, no man could resist.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Leaving on a jet plane

I rode on a really small plane today. Like really small. The kind of plane that crashes and burns all of the time.

And don't tell me that flying in a small plane is just as safe as flying in a big one. I watch Lost, I know what kind of bad things can happen to airplanes.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

One down, one to go

I made it back alive and in one piece from Pam's wedding. It was fun fun fun and I can't wait for Melissa's this weekend. Bring on more wedding cake! Oh wait, maybe I should re-read my last post.

Anyway, I had lots of fun and took plently of pics.

Pam coming up to the reception hall
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Pam and I
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Jason and I
IMG_0335.JPG

You can find more pictures on my flickr page including pictures from the rehearsal dinner, bridesmaid luncheon, and more from the reception. Enjoy!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Double chins please

I was playing with the camera tonight at Pam's rehearsal dinner and I DON'T CARE IF IT'S WRONG FOR ME TO SAY but I'm overweight.

Overweight, isn't that much nicer than saying I'm fat?

Seriously folks if you see me moving food towards my mouth please slap my hand down. Even if I pout and make sad puppy eyes please don't cave in and allow me the food.

Thank you in advance.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Wedding Mania

I'm leaving today for Baton Rouge for Pam and George's wedding! Yay! Yay! I'm a little excited, can you tell?

This weekend kicks off wedding mania, two weddings in two weeks. It's very exciting because both required new clothes and damn I love shopping. Hello Banana Republic!

Anyway I'm leaving for Baton Rouge in a few minutes and just wanted to tell anyone that I haven't emailed or called back that it's nothing personal. I've been really busy with school and that damn thing called work and just haven't had the time or energy to call or write anyone back. When I'm done with wedding mania I'll try to catch up with everyone. Until then keep an eye on my flickr page for pics of me at the fabulous weddings in my fabulous outfits. Uhh, I mean of the beautiful brides.

Monday, November 7, 2005

A world full of idiots

I always thought New Orleans was full of idiots but now that I'm working in Austin I can see no matter where you go the idiots will be waiting for you.

customer: "I'm looking for a book called Mac Beth (when you say it in your head, say it so it's 2 words). I think the author's last name is Speare."
me: "Yeah, that's MacBeth by Shakespeare."
customer: "Yeah, that's it! Mac Beth by Shakes Speare!"

customer: "I'm looking for a book and I know it has something to do with time."
me: "Do you know if time is in the title?"
customer: "It might be but I don't know"
me: "Do you know the author's name?"
customer: "No"
me: "Is it a fiction book?"
customer: "I don't know."
me: "Well, I really need more information than that to find a book. If I just do a keyword search for 'time' I'm going to have way too many titles pull up. If you can find more information we can help you search then."
customer: "That's not good, your sign says you can find any book in print"
me: "Well, that's any book in print, if the customer has enough information about it. Any book in print within reason"

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Flickr Fun

Since I got my new camera I've been hopelessly addicted to flickr.com, which is the online site I've been uploading pictures to. (By the way you people should all ready know this since I have a link to it on my sidebar, hello, is anyone awake out there?)

Really the addicting part is not the uploading of my pictures but the slightly voyeuristic way you can look at everyone else's pictures.

"Oh look, Suzy added pictures of her giving birth in a pool full of water!"

"Do we know a Suzy?"

"Hell no, but look at the baby's head shooting out of her vagina!"
*

And the damn flickr groups. Flickr groups are people that basically add pictures to various picture pools based on themes such as color schemes, numbers, or subjects. I'm currently a member of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force group, What's In My Bag, and the Sequential Numbers group.

ATHF is just a group that takes pictures of the charaters from this show in various random places. I only joined because the ThunderCloud Subs near B&N has a Master Shake nailed to the wall and I wanted to submit it to the group. Honestly I just wanted to seem cool.

Sequential Numbers group is really fun. Basically they started with 1 and take pictures of each number in order working their way up. Right now they are on number 56. I actually like this game so much I'm thinking of starting back at 1 and playing on my own. Maybe I'll add it to the sidebar of this site. Yup, real excitement here on formation of me!

And finally my favorite group: What's In My Bag. It's just like the title says, pictures of the crap that people carry around with them all day. But if you're nosey like me, it's the perfect solution to not being able to dig through other people's purses. I have taken a picture of Maple's guts yet, but plan on doing it any day now.


*Not an actual conversation, just one that occured in my head

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Haunting

Happy Halloween all!

I wish I had some great and exciting plans to tell everyone about so that the image of me in your heads remained a cool and hip one, but such is not the case. Tonight I'm heading over to Jeff and Aim's house to hand out candy to Trick or Treaters and to celebrate Jason's birthday (we are celebrating late as his birthday was the 22nd).

No costumes tonight either. Well, not unless you count me wearing a black shirt and Jason wearing an orange one costumes, I don't, I consider it more coordinating our wardrobes. We did dress up Saturday night to go to a haunted house and then a small party which ended up disbanding right when we got there.

Jason was in California when we were invited to the party and left me in charge of outfitting him for Halloween. His only rule was "No dresses" so I came up with the grand idea of me being a witch and him being my black cat. No dress required, simply a black body suit, cat ears, and a tail. Unfortunaly I kept waiting to take pictures of him dressed up and ended up not taking any. Those that saw him in person can attest to the fact that if was pretty damn funny. Oh, did I mention his pink rhinestone collar? Yeah, it was pretty amusing.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Ben Folds take me away

Last night I dreamt I was at a parade in which Ben Folds was going to be on a makeshift float. Everyone was going on and on about how they know him and they such good friends with him but when his float passed he called out my name and handed me a CamelBak full of rum punch. Take that all you freaks who thought you were friends wih him! Ben Folds knows MY name and he gave ME rum punch!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Lazy Lily

Since arriving in Austin the cats have really flourished; their coats look shiner, their attitudes are better, and they play more.

Lily, however, has gone the exact opposite direction. She lays around all day only moving if Jason goes and bothers her. She doesn't even get excited when I come home anymore. I'm pretty sure nothing is wrong with her health-wise, she was recently at the vet and received a good bill of health.

I think living with Jason has just sucked the will to live right out of her.

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Searching for a graphic designer

Seriously folks, I'm willing to pay money to get my blog fixed up real purdy, but no one seems to want to take on the challenge. I swear I won't be picky or demanding. And if you don't want to take on the job, but can recommend someone that might want to make a little extra money please let me know.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Back to work I go

After finally escaping the chains of retail employment I'm returning to it tomorrow, and honestly I'm a little excited. It's not so much an excitement to be going back to B&N but more of an excitement to have something to do every day besides go to school.

Oh and did I mention that B&N is in the same mall as Sephora (actually they are separated by a street, but still it's close). Hell yeah, lunch hour visits to makeup heaven.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Life is boring at this moment

Where in the hell have I been? I mean, who am I to leave all my faithful readers Regan-less for days at a time? Shame on me.

I guess part of the problem is that since I am now unemployeed I should have tons of time to type new blog entries, but really I have less time. And much much less computer access.

In case you haven't noticed I changed how pictures are linked on my sidebar. I now have a Flickr account and add pictures to it pretty frequently. You can check those out to see my smiling face. Or how cute my animals are. I also have a new digital camera and while the quality of the pictures are really good, the person taking the pictures (me) still has no knack for photography, so please don't expect anything too amazing. Mom, why didn't you pass down some photography DNA to me?!?

What else is new? ummm, I have packed on the pounds since the hurricane and therefore joined Curves. Most of the time when I'm there working out, I'm the youngest person by about 30 years. But damn it feels good to kick the asses of those grannies. I mean older, more dignified woman (sorry Mom, I forgot you're old too now).

Not much else is new. I went for an interview at Barnes and Noble today. I figured it's getting a job without having to put too much into the search. You know, not moving out of my comfot zone. Kind of like the comfortable old pajamas that you can't get rid of no matter how shabby and falling apart they get. My god I sound lazy and unmotivated.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Pictures from the house

In case I haven't sent you the link to the pictures from my house you can click here to see them. Not only did the house get about 3 feet of water, but the roof came apart over the back two rooms and the ceiling fell down. Stuff from my attic now covers the bed.

The best part is that thanks to possibly having the wrong insurance policy I will be getting no money for the damage to my personal property (I rented so I really could care less about the house damages). Wonderful.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Going back to NOLA

I'm going back to New Orleans for the weekend to do a recon mission at my house. Doesn't look promising but I'll take pics and post them here when I'm back.

Thursday, October 6, 2005

Jason speak

Sometimes Jason speaks foreign languages and he then has to be his own translator:

Jason explaining to me about remote controls:

So the tooka refers to the actual remote. "Please hand me the tooka"
"Please tooka" means you only want to fast forward slow.
"Please tooka tooka" means fast forward twice.
"Tooka tooka tooka" means fast forward all the way.
And remember the tooka is only the Tivo remote. No other remotes can be tookas.

Monday, October 3, 2005

Cat nap

I am obsessed with watching Tangi sleep. I think I've developed this obsession because in her normal life she could rip my hand off, play with it for a few hours, and then dump it in the toilet without so much as a second thought. But when she's asleep she looks so sweet and calm. If I didn't know better I would try and cuddle with her.



Perfectly positioned




Computing is hard




I dare you to rub her stomach

The sudoku addiction grows

I've passed my addiction on! It's unstoppable.

Sunday, October 2, 2005

Scary Monsters and Super Creeps

Last night I dreamt I was Mo Rocca and that I was being attacked by monsters that could only be defeated by dumping cheddar cheese sauce on them.

I don't know what I ate before I went to bed (no, it wasn't a Warm Delight as mention in my previous post) but I think I shouldn't eat it again after midnight.

Saturday, October 1, 2005

getting fat has never been easier

Holy Crap, there is a god and I know he loves me because he created Betty Crocker Warm Delights.

Seriously folks you need to go spend the $1.98 and buy yourself one of these. The "cooking" insturctions are really easy: Add a skosk of water, microwave for 45 seconds, top with ice cream, have orgasm.

ummm, I have to go now, I think the microwave just dinged.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Caution: Your vision may be blurred

This will basically be the new blog look at least until Jason can fix the fleur de lis along the sides. Apparently you can go blind if you stare at them too long. Or you start to see one of those Magic Eye pictures.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I'm part of a worldwide phenomenon

First I've got to say I find it very funny that there are no comments on the past few posts but I'm getting emails from everyone commenting that way. Just so everyone knows, yes I do still have readers and yes I am still popular.

Second I'm working on a new and improved masthead. It should be up shortly, so stay tuned.

Third is that I have a raging Sudoku addiction. Just what is sudoku? It's basically a Japanese crossword puzzle that uses numbers instead of letters and requires no math skills. It's also, according to my book, a worldwide phenomenon. You can find some puzzles online but really you need them on paper in front of you to be able to properly work them out. I bought a Sudoku book on Sunday and by Monday I was so freaking addicted that a whole day's worth of class notes fell prey to the blasted book.

And I know you are going to want your own Sudoku book Mom, so I'm mailing one to you with your birthday present. I'm such an awesome daughter.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Here we sit like birds in the wilderness.

I miss Girl Scout Camp.

Okay, I know I've been away from camp for awhile (not really that long. Only one summer, one loooong summer) but I'm used to the topic of camp popping up in random places pretty frequently. Like a person might think I look familiar and it turns out they went to camp and know me from there.

woohoo, local celebrity! "That's Dragon, she has a tattoo."

The point of this ego-stroking post is that I was at a poker night last week (by the way I took 2nd place and won $20. Not bad for never playing before) and I made a motion on the edge of the table, which is not vulgar you dirty minded perv, but rather a camp song/game. I wish I could explain the motions because it's pretty fun to do and if you get really good and fast at it you can impress people in bars and get beers bought for you.

Anyway, I made this motion and one of the girls playing recognized it as a camp thing. Normally I would have asked if she had attended Camp Whispering Pines but this time I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew that being from Texas the chances of her going to my camp were slim to none and I'm not ready to not be a local celebrity.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I want candy

Am I the only crazy person that has to restrain herself from licking every iPod Nano that she sees?

I mean they are just so shiny and appealing. Like little pieces of musical candy.

Friday, September 23, 2005

My cat is smarter than your honor student

Tangi has figured out how to get the cat food out of the bag herself. I, as her owner, am becoming obsolete. Soon she will be digging through my purse to steal money and car keys so she can go get the cat food directly from petsmart. Immediately after that she will suffocate me in my sleep.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Rita has an appetite for destruction

Let me first say, Houston and Galveston I'm so sorry but good job on having the foresight to run the hell out of the way of the hurricane.

Next, I want to hear President Bush say there is no such thing as global warming again. Yup, no global warming, which is why we've had an incredibly busy hurricane season with 2 incredibly huge, damaging hurricanes.

I don't want to turn all tree hugger-ish on ya'll but really this HAS to be because of global warming. I think our President needs to swallow his pride and admit that he was wrong in saying there is no such thing as global warming. Then he needs to start working on correcting the problem. Immediately. We, as a nation, need to do all we can to help save the environment. At this point our lives and the cities we love depend on us shaping up and becoming concerned for the environment.

I mean, unless you like being pelted each year with more and more deadly hurricanes. I hate to say it, but this is just the first hurricane season in what is sure to be a long line of devastating ones.

Good luck Houston.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Wanted: New masthead.

I want some one to create me a new masthead. Something nice, not to fancy with some fleur de lis. Something New Orleans-y but not too New Orleans-y. Hmmm, maybe a cartoon me. How about a cartoon skinny me (pre-hurricane, all gelato all the time diet, weight).

If anyone wants to help me out there could be payment involved.

grumble grumble grumble

First Hurricane Katrina screws up my plan to see Tori in concert. Now Hurricane Rita is coming to screw up my plan to see Coldplay.

I really hate hurricane season.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Question about my blog

Jason added these fleur de lis to the bottom of every post and I don't like it. I say it's not visually appealing but he seems to think it ties together my theme.

So what do you think?

I also have been wanting him to fix my categories so that it's a pull down option and not a long list taking up space on the side of my blog. And I also want the font on the masthead to be different, but alas us photoshop/ web site creation deficient people can't be too picky.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Did you hear the one about the hurricane?

The country is still not ready to hear September 11th jokes, but damnit New Orleans is ready to hear some hurricane jokes. We have that bizarre sense of humor that makes every other state uncomfortable and makes us want to laugh at the worst of situations.

I read this joke online and enjoyed it so much I thought I would share. I'm not sure who orginally said it but I found it on cnn.com.

What is President Bush's stance on Roe vs. Wade?

He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.


groan all you want, but I love it.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

New Orleans, it used to be a queit city

Generally I'm doing okay now. I'm settling into Austin and although I'm not making friends, I am learning my way around the city. I'm starting to feel more comfortable here, although I am not nearly close to calling it home. I'm not so depressed and homesick for NOLA all the time anymore, it's more waves of "what in the hell just happened?" every once in awhile. Like any minute Ashton Kutcher will pop out and yell "Damn New Orleans!! You've been punk'd!!" And I'll be able to think "hmm, yup, that makes so much more sense than what really has been going on."

Today I bought the newest Time magazine and New Orleans is the cover story. As I was flipping through it and looking at the pictures of Mayor Nagin in front of the Superdome and houses in the Garden District burning down I realized just how surreal it is to be looking at pictures from home in national magazines. I mean New Orleans may have been a huge city, but we liked to fly pretty much under the radar. I mean, sure we liked to throw wild attention grabbing parties (Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest, etc etc) but as far as national headlines we were a pretty quiet city.

And now I can't go to the grocery store without seeing us on the cover of every magazine out there. It just feels weird.

It's true love.

The one really good thing to come out of the hurricane:
Maple, the Coach bag

Yes it's big, in fact according to Jason it's too big for my short torso, but who the hell cares?!? It's so perfect and wonderful and dreamy that it even deserves a name. So in honor of New Orleans I've named her Maple, for Maple Street.

My god do I ever love this bag.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Smile like you mean it

People in Austin don't smile at you. Ever.

In New Orleans everyone smiled at everyone. I even smiled at people that I was flipping off on the interstate. You also said hello to perfect strangers and they never looked back at you like you were going to steal their purse. Wait, get this, the person you said hello to, they even said hello back to you! Imagine that!

Here in Austin I've tried my New Orleans charm on a few random strangers and they just think I'm crazy.

First I said hello to a girl that lives in my apartment complex when we were both getting clothes from the laundryroom. She just looked back at me blankly, grabbed her underwear, and escaped as quickly as she could. Yeah, all I said was hi.

Next I tried saying hello to people in some of my classes and that didn't work. Apparently at UT you only talk to people that you share a dorm room with/ pledge to a frat with/ or drunkenly molest one night at a party.

Finally tonight I tried to smile, not even speak to, but just smile at some other neighbors from my complex. The guy smiled back at me, which leads me to believe he's not from Austin, but the girl didn't smile at me. In fact she made eye contact but looked away so quickly you would have thought I looked that kid from the Mask.

Stupid, nonfriendly Austin. Learn how to smile back because I REFUSE to let you make me mean.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

This woman gets me, and I get her.

here's the backstory:
The Arboretum is the main mall in Austin, or rather it's the only mall I can find. But it's not a mall, it's an outdoor shopping center. And when you want a mall the Arboretum just won't do.

The following is a conversation that happened between me, Random Woman Shopping (RWS), and a Bath and Body Works employee (BBWE).

RWS: "Where is the mall here?"
BBWE: "The Arboretum is a mall"
RWS: "No, I mean where is the mall?"
BBWE: "Well the Arboretum has plenty of stores and is beautiful to stroll through"
RWS: "It's nice, but I'm used to real malls, do you have one around here?"
BBWE just looks at her
me: "I understand, the arboretum's really nice, but sometimes you just need a real mall. "
RWS: "Thank you!"

This woman and I just got each other.

Thanks UT!

Things I've learned how to do thanks to UT:
1. ride a public bus.
2. sprint 40,000 yards between 2 classes in less than 10 minutes
3. descretely sniff my armpits to see if I smell so offensive from 40,000 yard sprint that I need to sit far far away from other students
4. descretely spray perfume onto said armpits so I'm not totally offensive with my scent.
5. get insanely mad at a computer program because it won't give me the information I so desperately need.

Friday, September 9, 2005

We represent the Lollipop Kids.

UT accepted me today and I'm now enrolled in four classes for this semester. I've got to play catch up for 9 days worth of missed classes, but what else do I have to do? Also I'm not going to be looking for a job anytime soon since I'm getting such a good deal on school. I've got to focus all of my energy there.

Today when I went to get my fancy new UT student i.d. I ran into a friend of mine from high school, Peter Spoon Chassignac, in the line. He is also a student displaced by the hurricane and is seeking academic refuge at UT this semester. Peter informed me that a lot of my friends from Mandeville High School are now living in Austin (who knew Austin was THE hip place to live?!?). It's weird, like Hurricane Katrina was the tornado from the Wizard of Oz, but instead of dropping me in Munchkin Land it dropped me back in high school in 1996.

Thursday, September 8, 2005

Hopefully I'll start bleeding orange

That means, hopefully Univeristy of Texas, Austin will accept me as a student.

See for the low, low price of $700 UT will accept you and allow you to take as many freaking classes as you like, so long as you are a New Orleans college student and swear to hate Texas A&M.

I'm hoping that there are still classes open, although at this point in time I would probably take anything just to have something constructive to do.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

I'm an Austinite

I signed a lease on an apartment in Austin because some complexes here were offering to waive all deposits, application fees, and giving one month free rent to people displaced by the hurricane. I figured I should jump on this before all of the other refugees snatch up the good apartments.

So on Tuesday I'm heading back to Houston to pick up my car and to Ikea to get some basic items I'm going to need to feel a little more comfortable in my bare apartment.

I wish I could say that I'm really excited about moving, but I'm not. I only know one person here, and as nice as she is, she's very busy with grad school and wedding planning. I'm really homesick for my friends and for my family. I haven't spoken to my mom in a number of days and I'm starting to just get really homesick for a friendly voice.

I want to go home. I want to go home. But for now I need to get used to the fact that home is an empty, plain, boring apartment.

Friday, September 2, 2005

Bad Luck and me are bestest friends

You remember how in my other Tori-centric post I said this weird obsession with getting to Tori in this time of need could not end well? I could not have been more right.

I didn't get to her at the booksigning. They did a lottery drawing of names for folks that would get to see her, and yup, I didn't win. Even crying like a fool and explaining that I'm from New Orleans got me no where. Okay, well it got me some strange looks, but that's it.

Next up is the concert. I carefully packed the tickets when evucating New Orleans. I checked the bag a few times to make sure they were there. Well leaving Houston this morning I didn't double check them, I simply believed that when Jason said he had them, that he had them. When we got to Austin I went to look for the tickets to see what time the show started and the tickets were MIA. He swears they were in my purse, but I never saw them. I think maybe he thought they were in my purse but that they are really on a nice plaid chair somewhere.

So far I haven't cried. I know I'm being stupid, especially since in this horrible time of destruction I have so much to be thankful for, but seeing Tori was the one "normal" pre hurricane things I had left. I might cry later, but right now, just like everything else I don't think it's sunk in.

Can anyone forward my blog to Tori and have her email me? Or how about someone pretend to be Tori and email me, that might make me smile even if it's stupid.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Keeping Austin Weird

I'm leaving for Austin first thing on Friday morning.

Will have email access in case you need to get me or my new phone number. I'll be returning to Houston Monday or Tuesday.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

God apparently hates me because I'm friendly to the queers...

I read this and could not stop laughing. It's from Repent America.com.

HURRICANE KATRINA DESTROYS NEW ORLEANS
DAYS BEFORE "SOUTHERN DECADENCE" 8/31/05

PHILADELPHIA - Just days before "Southern Decadence", an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina destroys the city.

"Southern Decadence" has a history of filling the French Quarters section of the city with drunken homosexuals engaging in sex acts in the public streets and bars. Last year, a local pastor sent video footage of sex acts being performed in front of police to the mayor, city council, and the media. City officials simply ignored the footage and continued to welcome and praise the weeklong celebration as being an "exciting event". However, Hurricane Katrina has put an end to the annual celebration of sin.

On the official "Southern Decadence" website (www.SouthernDecadence.com), it states that the annual event brought in "125,000 revelers" to New Orleans last year, increasing by thousands each year, and up from "over 50,000 revelers" in 1997. This year’s 34th annual "Southern Decadence" was set for Wednesday, August 31, 2005 through Monday, September 5, 2005, but due to massive flooding and the damage left by the hurricane, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco has ordered everyone to evacuate the city.

The past three mayors of New Orleans, including Sidney Barthelomew, Marc H. Morial, and C. Ray Nagin, issued official proclamations welcoming visitors to "Southern Decadence". Additionally, New Orleans City Council made other proclamations recognizing the annual homosexual celebration.

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. "From 'Girls Gone Wild' to 'Southern Decadence,' New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge," he continued.

New Orleans is also known for its Mardi Gras parties where thousands of drunken men revel in the streets to exchange plastic jewelry for drunken women to expose their breasts. This annual event sparked the creation of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series.

"We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long," Marcavage said. "May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God," Marcavage concluded.

"[God] sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." (Matthew 5:45)

I wanna be a cornflake girl

So I was planning a trip to Austin even before Hurricane Katrina for the Tori Amos concert and so far the plan is to still get to the concert. In fact I'm so weirdly obsessed with Tori that I'm leaving Houston obscenely early to get to an Austin bookstore where Tori is doing a signing.

Yup, the plan is to meet and tell her my tale of woe. I don't want pity, I just want to shake Tori's hand and maybe score some backstage passes.

Actually I like to pretend that I'll be able to form coherent sentences when I meet her, but I'll probably just be drooling and nodding my head like a mad woman. I should type it all out and pin it to my shirt so Tori knows what the hell I'm attempting to say to her.

I have always been bizarrely and possibly criminally obsessed with Tori but in this strange time of unemployment and homelessness I'm hinging a lot of emotions on her and her concert. It's weird, like if I can just see her in person and shake her hand somehow I'll be fine. I'll be okay moving to another city where I have no friends or family. I'll be okay looking for a new job when I don't even have a resume or anything other than jeans to wear to interviews. I'll be okay trying to finish my degree and transferring all my credits to a new college.

I'm thinking that somehow this can't turn out well. Wish me luck.

The stars at night shine big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.

Today I was driven around Houston by my wonderful hostess Erin. She showed me some great areas to look for housing in. I'm not going to seriously start looking for a place just yet since I'm leaving for Austin on Friday morning for the Tori concert. I should be back in Houston on Monday.

I spoke with my sister in law today. Her house is in Hammond, LA and she is currently without power but safe. She has spoken to my Dad and Stepmom recently and they seem to have made it out of Mandeville safe. My Grandfather refused to leave New Orleans and is safe at his assisted living place, but may have to leave soon due to a lack of food for all residents.

I still haven't heard from my Mom or my Grandmother but I'm not allowing myself to stress too much about it. I figure stressing out about it will do me no good and that right now I need to focus on reestablishing my life.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Moving on up

Okay so it's time to decide, which city am I moving to since Katrina sunk New Orleans down to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico?

Any suggestions?

Monday, August 29, 2005

God Bless You Ikea

With a Louisiana drivers license IKEA allows you to eat free in their cafeteria. All the meatballs, princess cake, and lignonberry punch you can eat.

At least that's one good thing to come out of Hurricane Katrina.

Superdome

I can't believe that the Superdome roof is peeling off. I never thought I would hear those words.

I'm afraid to go home and see the damages, that scares me. What if I have no home? At least I would get to rebuy all my stuff. Hello, Ikea!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Rock you like a hurricane

If you are reading this and you are from New Orleans please post your current location in the comments area so I know you are safe. My cell phone reception is HORRIBLE right now and I can barely get in touch with anyone.

Am tired.

I left New Orleans Saturday night at 8:00 pm and arrived in Baton Rouge at 11:30 pm, mainly due to the fact that contraflow sucks and is very easy to get lost on. After sleeping for roughly 2 to 3 hours we got up and prepared to leave for Houston. We were on the road for 6:30 am and arrived in Houton at about 1:00 pm.

Traffic was smooth mainly the whole way, except for at one point when we hit a dead stand still. I could see cop lights ahead so I knew we were all slowing down to rubbernack at an accident. Figuring since every person on the road was running for their lives and only an AWESOME accident would slow us all down I prepared to see a body without a head on the side of the road. But when I got close I saw that we were all slowing down to watch some guy change his tire. Yes, the entire city of New Orleans is running from the worst hurricane in history and we must slow down to rubbernack a GUY CHANGING HIS TIRE. I wanted to kill someone. Fucking morons.

Anyway.

I might leave for Austin tomorrow or the next day depending on when our hosts kick us out. We will definately be in Austin for Friday because I'm not letting an evucation stop me from getting to the Tori amos concert.

I have computer access and email and since you are reading this I'm assuming you do too, so please feel free to email me. Or call me if you have my number and can get through.

Be safe.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Overheard in my house last night...

jparks: "Could you please just calm down and breath?"

me: "I'm not doing any of that hippy breathing bullshit! Next you're going to want me to align my chakras and become one with myself!"

Apparently breathing is now only for hippies and not something I'm interested in doing.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The feminist movement is over!

Well, at least for me it's over. My advisor moved me out of Feminist Theory and into an urban planning class called Planning for Hazards.

And no, after I'm done with this planning for hazards class I will not come hang up hurricane boards over your windows.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Women are not the weaker sex as we have boobs

OH DEAR GOD GET ME OUT OF FEMINIST THEORY RIGHT NOW!

Have I made that clear enough? I HATED the class last night. It was a bunch of women whining about how it's so hard to be a woman.

Before I get lynched and have my vagina taken away from me let me explain that yes, as a woman I do want to be treated equally. And that yes I do deserve the same amount of respect as a man.

But rather than whining about not getting respected, I get out there with the big boys and demand it. I can hold my own in any room, in any situation, and I don't let anyone tell me that my place is lower than theirs.

The class started with a 30 minute writing assignment "What it means for me to be a woman" or "What defines me as a woman". At the end of the 30 minutes we had to stand up and read our papers. Some women stood up and said they resent their husbands because as a wife they are expected to work a full day in an office, come home to cook dinner and clean the house, and then head out to school, while their husbands don't have to do anything but work.

Are these women expected to do those things because they are a woman, or because they are with a man that has bought into those gender roles and won't allow for any other options? I know that I couldn't be with a man that wouldn't cook dinner, or help clean the house. A relationship is an equal partnership and I choose to not be around men that won't help with "woman's work".

One girl said when her and her boyfriend go to the movies she is always checking his face to see his reactions. What?!?!?!?! She then made it worse by saying that she sometimes gages her reactions based on his. And this defines her as a woman, because this means women are more concerned with emotions than men.

Oh, where to begin with this poor student? First of all yes, women can be more emotional than men, it has to do with biology, but plenty of men out there are emotional as well. (psst, those are the men that are going to help you cook and clean). But at the same time you need to own your emotions and go with them. You can't look to a man to see if you should be laughing or crying. You need to decide if it's a time to laugh, cry, or both of those together.

Some women said they don't want to get married because marriage means losing a part of yourself. These woman probably look at marriage as "finding your other half" or "becoming someones better half". The last time I checked 1 + 1 =2. Marriage is not about losing yourself, but bringing yourself to be part of a partnership. An equal partnership.

Am I being too preachy yet? Can you tell I was about to lose my mind in this class?

By the time I finally stood up I knew I was a minority in the class, being that I'm not angry or upset because I'm a woman.

I told the class that until recently I was engaged, but I did not cancel the wedding because I resent marriage, but because I just didn't feel like an equal in the relationship. I said rather than enter into a lifetime of resent towards my husband I changed my plans. I have no ill feelings towards marriage and look forward to getting married to a man that respects me. At this the class picked up their flaming torches and pitchforks.

I then told them that I enjoy being a woman. Some other classmates said they resent being physically weaker than men. They hate not being able to change a flat tire. I said that I am not physically weak and that my workout partner is male and on many exercises I can do more weight than him or at least keep up with him. And that I can change a flat tire, but why should I when there are boys around to do it for me?

At this statement the class proceeded to throw rocks and other heavy blunt objects at me.

I then made them hate me more by saying that recently I was told by a man that I'm "a man with breasts" and I was not offended by this. For me that meant that I am getting equal respect from men and yet I'm stilling being seen as a woman. The professor asked me to clarify further and I explained that when I'm around boys I go toe to toe with them. If they say something rude or crude rather than faking embarrassment or shock I go one step further and say something worse.

By the time I finished that statement the class had chased me down the hall, through the parking lot, and right off of campus with their torches and pitchforks.

After me a handful of other people went and at the end the professor said that she really enjoyed our ideas and that the class would have a group therapy feel to it since we are discussing theories that apply to our lives. I didnt sign up for group therapy and I DON'T WANT GROUP THERAPY. I AM NOT ANGRY THAT AM A WOMAN!

sigh, I emailed my advisor this morning asking him to find me another class to take, ANY other class to take because I just don't think I'm going to do well in this one.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Tonight I have class and I have to go to school as well

Tonight starts my 59th semester of classes at UNO. yup, 59 semesters and I'm no closer to obtaining my degree than I was at 18.

I've been a General Studies major for 2 semesters now, but just to keep things interesting and to push graduation further away I've recently switched my focus from "Society and Literature" to "Business and Society". ummm yeah, they are just a skosh different (you happy now Jason, skosk, you bastard?!?)

So this means I have to venture into the world of business classes. And more sociology classes that I'm comfortable with. And, much to my displeasure, no more English classes.

Tonight I have a sociology class titled, Feminist Theory. Tomorrow I have my first business class but right now I can't recall it's title.

Sigh, wish me luck.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

If my butt gets any bigger I'm going to attach wheels to it so it's easier to carry around.

ugh, I have done nothing this weekend except eat. NOTHING. I'll be surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning and I have a single pair of pants that still fit. Thank god my boss is out of town still and I can wear fat clothes to work.

This means that starting Monday I'm really going to be strict about what I eat. No more frozen pizzas (I had one with my mom on Saturday and another today by myself. But it was a small one, and I didn't eat the crusts, so it couldn't have been that bad.) No more potato chips (dammit Pam, I ate almost a whole bag of unbaked Lays in the past 4 days. I hold you at fault for this). Only good things that aren't crap, and lots lots lots of water. And I'm going to chew gum obsessively instead of snacking.

And if this doesn't work my mom and I are going to start smoking. Yeah, cigarettes instead of food. Even if we get cancer at least we'll be losing weight.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

If I include the words "Victoria's Secret" and "first lesbian experience" enough I'm sure some sad perverts will stumble upon my blog while searching for those things online.

I used to only buy bras and panties from Victoria's Secret but then I became poor and I was forced to buy my underwear from more affordable places like Target. This was until recently when Victoria's Secret unleashed a new bra that I had to go check out: The Ipex.

It's been a few years since I went into Victoria's Secret with the intention of actually trying on something and apparently, in those years, they have revamped their customer service policy. I'm thinking there is now a male president of the company and he wants every shopper to have a enjoyable lesbian experience when she goes to buy her bras.

Before I go any further let me clarify that I have no naked issues as I was stuck in the woods at a resident camp with many other girls for many summers of my life and have seen and been seen by a rather large number of naked breasts. It's just that when you're not expecting to have a naked experience it's a little unsettling.

And now back to how I got my breasts felt up by the salesgirls (yes, that's plural)

I went in with the intention of trying on the new Ipex and maybe to find a new push up bra since at 25 your breasts decide they want to start developing a friendship with your knees. All of the salesgirls were very nice and immediately placed me and an Ipex in a fitting room. I barely had the bra on when there was a knock at the door and, before I could even fully answer, I had salesgirl #1 in the room with me suggesting that maybe, just maybe, I'm trying on the wrong size and she needs to measure me. I'm assuming they measure you without a shirt since a shirt could affect the outcome of your size. Or at least that's what I was telling myself at the time.


next up: push up bras.

My friendly salesgirl #2 goes and gets me 3 different push ups that each offers "a different kind of cleavage and lift with looking fake, I mean look at my breasts can you tell I'm wearing a push up bra?"(puffs chest out at me, and please remember that I'm only in a bra and jeans at this point in time)

On goes push up #1. I think the salesgirls have implants in their ears that allows them to hear the hooks on bras hook because that's exactly when she walked into my dressing room.

"Oh, I don't know about that one on you, it looks more like it's wearing you, rather than you are wearing it." (I don't know what this means, can anyone explain?) At this point she grabs my breasts and shoves them up so that my chin is resting on them making my neck obsolete. I'm not sure what this was demonstrating because I was so overcome with fear that next she would twist them off that I couldn't pay attention.

She leaves and I ever so quickly try to get on push up #2 before she can enter the room again. Hooks hook and she's back.

"Now that one, it just makes your breasts look perfect. You have this nice curve here (as she plays bongos on my chest) which looks very natural thanks to the thick layer of padding in the bra." You know I'm sorry salesgirl #2, it didn't look natural at all, but it did look good. And I still have one more bra left to try on.

At this point I'm getting a bit nervous because rather than leaving to go find bra #3, she has brought it into the room with her and she is making NO motion towards the door like she's leaving for me to change. So, am I supposed to unleash my breasts right here so she can see them on their own and give me a better opinion about what the bras are doing for me? Do I do the pointless turn away from her yet still facing a mirror so that I'm reflected into the other mirror and therefore I look stupid for trying to turn away from her in the first place? oh god I could feel my ulcer growing irate by the nanosecond.

Thankfully at the exact moment when I needed to make a decision another poor girl needed to be measured for a bra and my salesgirl latched on to her. In her absence I tried on the final bra, didn't even look at it, and then changed back into my own, safe, non-hands on Target bra.

I figured I was home free at this point but on my way out of the fitting room salesgirl #1 comes back and shows me her bra that she is currently wearing. No, she didn't bring me the bra on a hanger, she lifted her shirt to show me the COLOR AND STYLE. How this was supposed to be helpful I don't know. I think they are required to show you theirs since they've been looking at yours.

I left the store with an Ipex, a push up, and one quasi lesbian experience under my belt. Just like the president of the company wanted.

My name is Regan and I watch crap tv shows.

On Friday night I was discussing with friends TV shows that we are embarrassed to admit that we like. At the time I couldn't think of any that I could admit I watch in secret. But the winds of change are blowing and now I have not one, but TWO shows to come clean about.

1. Tommy Lee Goes to College
I want to shake the man's hand that came up with this show. It premiered last night and I must admit, I set my Tivo to a season pass (Mom that means it's going to record every episode) after the first episode. What genius thought "Hey, let's make famous drummer Tommy Lee try out for the school band and watch him almost fail the audition." I love love love when Tommy Lee moves into his dorm room that he must share with another student. yes! A shared dorm room! Or when Tommy Lee kicks his room mate out because his hottie tutor is coming over! I mean, this is the man that got to make motorboat noises with Pam Anderson's huge boobs, and he's getting excited about a college aged pre-med student!!! Brilliant!

2. My Super Sweet 16
I've been borderline about this show on MTV for a while now. Should I cave in and watch the spoiled girls get their ways or take some kind of stand that this show proves what is wrong with American teenagers today? Oh screw it, I can find another way to take a stand on American teenagers, I want to watch the show.
So what's so great about this show? ummm, Spoiled rich girls spending $400,000 on a sweet 16 birthday party and getting upset when mommy cancels their credit cards. Or crying when daddy says they might not get them the $100,000 Land Rover they want. How can you not like this show?

Monday, August 15, 2005

99 bottles of beer in my belly

Friday night I learned a very important lesson. Never allow a drunk girl access to her wedding accessories. After consuming 2 bottles of wine (not by herself) Pam disappeared only to reappear in her pink crinoline, wedding veil, and incredibly high heels, As seen here. (Sorry some of the pics are sideways, I'm working on fixing that) After doing some fun bridal model poses including, but not limited to humping the wall and cat back, Pam decided to mock cheesy wedding pictures everywhere. Enter Alex into the picture. So not only did Pam do the cheesy "Oh, my veil just happened to blow over our heads right as we were kissing!" picture, but she put a lesbian interracial twist on it. And then I decided to get involved and pop out of the bottom of her crinoline. We should have stopped drinking but no, we then moved from Pam's house to the Pub. That's where the ice cream picture comes from. Because really after consuming wine and beer nothing sits better in your stomach than ice cream.

So that was Friday.

Now let's skip to Saturday night.

Umm, I drank a lot. Like a whole lot. And somehow after many many beers, the picture topic turned to crothes. Not naked crotches, so don't get all excited. But anyway, here you go. I don't know what we were thinking in most of these pics. Apparently Jason and Troy make a cute couple and like to cuddle up to each other in public. And if you give Mike the camera for even 5 seconds you'll end up with about 40 pictures of Mandy.

And then on Sunday I bought a ladder. And that folks, was my weekend.

Those Godless Bastards at Hershey's

Step by step guide of how to get fat:
1. Stop to buy a Gatorade after a hard workout but find that Hershey's now makes a special edition, limited time only, chocolate stuffed chocolate bar.
2. Buy said choco bar because you just know if you don't buy it now those bastards at Hershey's will stop making it right when you really need one.
3. Eat whole choco stuffed choco bar before you drive away from the gas station so know one will ever know your shame of falling prey to the unaccounted for deliciousness of a choco stuffed choco bar.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Twin brothers separated at birth?

Two not so interesting developments in Jason's life:
1. He shaved his head
2. He has started watching Lost.

On there own very very boring. Together they make for a good laugh.

One of the main characters on Lost is played by Matthew Fox. Matthew Fox has a shaved head. So guess who Jason thinks he looks just like...yup, Mr. Matthew Fox.

Not familiar with Matthew Fox? Let's do a picture comparison:

Matthew Fox

Jason Parks

Twins I tell you!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Anyone here?

Since I've moved over to this site it seems no one likes me anymore. Or maybe I'm just not as interesting as I used to be. I don't know why you've all left me, but come on, I thrive on your attention. I neeeed it. Perhaps if I've been boring lately someone should take me out to do something fun. yeah, that's it! It's all of your faults that I'm so boring.

Monday, August 8, 2005

2+2=9

I used to be intelligent. Quick witted. A thinking man's woman. Now I'm slowly losing IQ points and brain cells due to lack of use.

My job is fairly easy and I'm pretty sure a trained primate could do it. Don't get me wrong I usually always have something to do, but it just does not take a lot of brain power to do it. And because of this I really think I'm becoming a moron.

I need to find a website or something that has a good brain exercise on it. Something that I can do at least once a day to get my brian running. Maybe a crossword puzzle. Except I don't really like crossword puzzles. hmmm, any suggestions?

Weekend Recap

Go see Wedding Crashers right now. Seriously go. You can finish reading this later, right now you need to get to a movie theatre. I think it might have been the funniest movie I've seen this year.

Other than seeing Wedding Crashers it was a quiet weekend. Except for the part where at Melissa's bridal shower I scared half the guests by screaming and making a mad dash for a clothespin. It was during a game and I'm competitive. And no, it's not about the prizes, it's about the glory of winning.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

No more visitors!

I really don't mind when people want to come to New Orleans for a vacation. The part that always gets me is when they want to go out drinking I can't help but go with them. On a week night. When I have to be at work for 8:30 the next day.

You like how I pinned this hangover on Joe? Like some how it's his fault that Nacho Mama's was having 2 for 1 Corona's. Or that someone in our group knew our waitress and she brought over free tequila shots. Or that we had Vanilla Stoli and Diet Coke when we got home. Damn you Joe!

I have a few pics from Nacho Mama's. I'll post them here after work tonight.

I think we might have even called my Mom last night. Yay for drunk dialing.

Tonight there is a dinner planned with some girl friends of mine at Superior Grill. I'm not going to drink any margarita's. Nope, not one. I will demonstrate astounding self-control. But then agian, I am off of work on Friday so I could sleep in and not have to deal with my hangover...

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Whole Foods

The new Whole Foods in Metairie has a nut roasting station (can you see where this is going?) and last night a guy named Corey was working said roasting station. He was also offering samples if you asked.

Jason, Joe, and I approach Corey and I say:
"Wow, I'd love to taste Corey's nuts"

Corey was not amused. Jason and Joe were.

Discomfort

Would you rather always wear shoes that are a half size too small or always have your underwear creeping up your butt?

Underwear creeping up my butt please. I mean it's basically a thong.

Monday, August 1, 2005

Weekend Recap

Things I did this weekend:

1. Went and saw Jason's new baby niece. Did not go all gooey over the baby like everyone else. In fact didn't even hold the baby. Is it wrong that all I could think when I saw the baby was "Did I take my birth control pill last night?"
2. Saw The Island. Dear Mr. Michael Bay you owe me 12 hours of my life. Plus the $7.50 it cost me to see your crap-tastic movie. This movie proved that even hottie Ewan McGregor can't save every movie he's in.
3. Went out drinking with Joe and Jason. Drink an orchid worth of cider and did my first kamikaze shot. ick, too lime-ish.
4. Watch as Jason got tricked into shaving his head. hehehehehe
5. Did laundry and left a bunch of bras at my Mom's house. Mom, I would say please don't wear them but we all know you won't fill out the cups.
6. Hung a cat from my face. I say that like I was a willing participant. I was not. Tangi simply grabbed hold of my face with her claws and would not let go. It hurt and I don't recommend it.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

shhhhhh

oh god my head. it hurts. can barely hold it up. why did i drink so much booze? why?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

QOTW Time

I'll give you readers an easy one today.

Would you rather always spit when you talk or always be spit on when spoken to?

I'm going to have to be a spitter, as I don't want folks spitting on me.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tapas

After having tapas for dinner tonight I've decided that it's a Spanish word meaning "small food for rich people."

My breasts + a button down shirt= trouble

I went to the bank today to order checks and four personal bankers came over all at once to help me. 4 MALE personal bankers.

It wasn't until I was leaving the bank that I noticed my shirt was unbuttoned. Right across my breasts.

All of that personal attention suddenly made sense.

That's NOT my name!

We have a girl that volunteered with us at work back in April. Half the time she was speaking I was never listening and I never realized that she was calling me the wrong name. Now whenever she calls, she calls me Rachel. And it's too late to correct her. ugh

Lunch Special

It feels very strange to eat a salad with a spoon. Like I’m breaking some kind of weird law and any minute some guy dressed in a cop uniform will jump out and yell, “It’s called a salad fork for a reason!”

Monday, July 25, 2005

Busy Blogger

Today I'm being a very busy blogger. I think that means I have no life, but I could be mistaken.

I'm working on the new blog (yes still) and I find it's very difficult to create a tagline for yourself. It just seems like a very self centered thing to do. But then again I guess keeping a blog is a very self centered thing to do.

So let's see, any suggestions for my new tagline?

4th post of the day

I swear I'm working today. In fact I have tons of work to do.

I want another tattoo before I get too old. I think after 25 you have to take a test to prove that you are cool enough to receive a tattoo, and I don't think I would pass said test.

So what sparked this need? My mom (also known as B.M.E.)was going to get a tattoo for her 50th birthday. Don't worry she's cool enough to pass the test, as I can guarantee she can out drink any of you people. But she has decided against it. And now the idea is in my head. Ugh, must try and talk myself out of it.

Really it would be cool. Just a small star on my foot. Not my ankle and not the top of my foot, but rather the inside heel part. And just one star.

Maybe I'll draw one on with a sharpie to see how it looks.

Dallas, the short version

Dallas was fun fun fun.

We went shopping and ate.

Then we came home.

Dallas, the long version

Dallas was fun fun fun.

We might have left New Orleans a little later than we meant to, which made us arrive in Dallas later than we had planned. Okay, the truth is I don’t think we had ANY idea exactly where Dallas was located and therefore we thought it would be super quick and easy to get there. Did you know it takes a really long time to drive there? And looping around Shreveport instead of bypassing it is NOT the fastest way back to New Orleans. But other than that and some heavy traffic we made really good time.

We stayed with Pam’s friend Maura and she has a dog that looks exactly like Lily, but bigger. Oh and she also is in possession of the Most. Awesome. House. EVER! Seriously it looks like a normal house from the outside and then you step into it. Holy decorating skills Batman!

In case I forgot to mention it the whole purpose of going to Dallas, besides visiting Pam’s high school friends and seeing their wicked cool houses, was to shop. Shop like no woman has shopped before. Apparently Dallas has 3 huge ass malls and each one makes Lakeside Mall look tiny and pathetic. Like a mini practice mall. Plus Dallas has an IKEA, okay they don’t yet, but we drove past the building and tears nearly ran down my face. So beautiful.

We started Saturday with brunch at a place called CafĂ© Brazil. I had the best pan-crepes money could buy. And bacon. You need to load up on protein and grease so you don’t burn out half way through a day of shopping.

After brunch we went to Sam Moon’s. We don’t have a Sam Moon’s here in NOLA, but we do have the jewelry show a few times a year. Sam Moon and the jewelry show are basically one and the same. Scary woman and teenagers with too much makeup rooting through piles of purses, scarves, wallets and walls upon walls of earrings and necklaces looking for the one non-tacky thing there. Actually I think said woman and teenagers are really looking for the many many tacky things there, but for the good of humanity I like to think they are like me, searching for the non-tacky items. Anyway, I ended up finding 3 pairs of earrings and a wallet to buy. All non-tacky, thankyouverymuch.

After Sam Moon’s we went to Stonebriar Centre . Seriously this is not a mall for the faint of heart. It has valet parking for god’s sake! And a map you can take a carry with you. And St. Bernard dogs to bring you water when you are too tired to carry on any farther.

The highlight of my mall experience was Sephora. How is it that a girl who wears so little makeup can find so much joy in a store that only sells makeup and other beauty products? It’s one of God’s cruel jokes. Another is the fact that we don’t have a Sephora here in NOLA. WHY GOD?!? WHY MUST YOU PUNISH US SO??? We went to Spehora so Pam could have her eyes done as a trial for her wedding, but instead the sales girl deemed me more pathetic and helped me first. She did my eyes all dark and dramatic with greens. I felt pretty stupid walking around the rest of the day, but Pam, Polly, and Kettie all swore it looked good. I think they were all secretly laughing behind my back. The rest of the girls also got their eyes done, but they looked way more normal than I did. And Polly and Kettie were suckered into buying some nice hand cream at the register. Granted it did work really well, but it’s funny that they got suckered and the sales girls didn’t even try and tempt Pam and I with it. We must have looked very street wise and tough. Like we don’t fall for cheesy sales attempts.

Jesus, can you believe I’m still going on about Dallas? If you’ve made it this far you deserve a treat.

I’ll be quicker from here on out. I swear.

After the mall we went back to Maura’s and changed for dinner and a night out. Expect that we stuffed ourselves so full during dinner that all we had the energy to do was go back to Maura’s and drink wine.

Sunday morning we packed up our stuff and some of Maura’s (okay not really but we should of as her stuff was so cool) and headed back for New Orleans. We stopped in Natchitouches for a tour of Pam’s geek high school and meat pies. Oh and we saw the outside of the Steel Magnolias house. Very impressive.

And that’s it. That’s my play by play report of Dallas vaca. Pretty interesting right?

Friday, July 22, 2005

Excuses, excuses

See, I told you the pics make me look geeky. I swear I’m perfectly cute in real life.

Vegas Pics

Me at M&M World, which is a 4 story M&M heaven:


Me at the Manolo Blahnik store in the Bellagio Hotel. I couldn't bring myself to go in but I would allow myself to gaze lovingly at the shoes through the window:



Picture of a fountain from when I jet setted over to Paris one day. Okay really I stayed at the Paris Hotel which was beautful. The attention to detail was just amazing.



Another picture of part of the Paris Hotel. This may be the closest I EVER get to Paris:

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Dallas, the land of oil and shopping

I did it. Did what? Got that damn pedicure I’ve been agonizing over. And I didn’t even have a bottle of wine before I went. And the girl even said I have nice feet. Who cares if she was just sucking up hoping for a better tip, I HAVE NICE FEET. I think I’m going to need regular pedicures from here on out.

I’m leaving tomorrow for Dallas. Why Dallas? Because the beach is too expensive. And shark infested. But in truth Pam and I will probably end up spending more in Dallas thanks to the huge mall there. I hope Polly has more self-control than we do, someone has to pay for the gas on the way home.

Does anyone feel like coming over and helping me decorate my house? I’m just at a loss for what to do. Or maybe I’m just too lazy to do it myself.

Hmmm, I wonder if Dallas has land sharks? candy gram!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Question of the week

I'm creating a new weekly feature called Question of the Week (here out known as QOTW) The rules are simple, if you read the QOTW you must answer the QOTW. "I don't know" and "neither" ARE NOT VALID CHOICES. Do you understand, they are not options for answers.

So here goes:

Would you rather wake up to find a cockroach sucking on your tear duct for moisture or two rats having sex on your stomach?

Me, I'm going to have to go with the damn humping rats.

Alert!

I just realized that there is not enough chocolate in the world to make me happy.