Sunday, July 31, 2005


oh god my head. it hurts. can barely hold it up. why did i drink so much booze? why?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


I'll give you readers an easy one today.

Would you rather always spit when you talk or always be spit on when spoken to?

I'm going to have to be a spitter, as I don't want folks spitting on me.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


After having tapas for dinner tonight I've decided that it's a Spanish word meaning "small food for rich people."

My breasts + a button down shirt= trouble

I went to the bank today to order checks and four personal bankers came over all at once to help me. 4 MALE personal bankers.

It wasn't until I was leaving the bank that I noticed my shirt was unbuttoned. Right across my breasts.

All of that personal attention suddenly made sense.

That's NOT my name!

We have a girl that volunteered with us at work back in April. Half the time she was speaking I was never listening and I never realized that she was calling me the wrong name. Now whenever she calls, she calls me Rachel. And it's too late to correct her. ugh

Lunch Special

It feels very strange to eat a salad with a spoon. Like I’m breaking some kind of weird law and any minute some guy dressed in a cop uniform will jump out and yell, “It’s called a salad fork for a reason!”

Monday, July 25, 2005

Busy Blogger

Today I'm being a very busy blogger. I think that means I have no life, but I could be mistaken.

I'm working on the new blog (yes still) and I find it's very difficult to create a tagline for yourself. It just seems like a very self centered thing to do. But then again I guess keeping a blog is a very self centered thing to do.

So let's see, any suggestions for my new tagline?

4th post of the day

I swear I'm working today. In fact I have tons of work to do.

I want another tattoo before I get too old. I think after 25 you have to take a test to prove that you are cool enough to receive a tattoo, and I don't think I would pass said test.

So what sparked this need? My mom (also known as B.M.E.)was going to get a tattoo for her 50th birthday. Don't worry she's cool enough to pass the test, as I can guarantee she can out drink any of you people. But she has decided against it. And now the idea is in my head. Ugh, must try and talk myself out of it.

Really it would be cool. Just a small star on my foot. Not my ankle and not the top of my foot, but rather the inside heel part. And just one star.

Maybe I'll draw one on with a sharpie to see how it looks.

Dallas, the short version

Dallas was fun fun fun.

We went shopping and ate.

Then we came home.

Dallas, the long version

Dallas was fun fun fun.

We might have left New Orleans a little later than we meant to, which made us arrive in Dallas later than we had planned. Okay, the truth is I don’t think we had ANY idea exactly where Dallas was located and therefore we thought it would be super quick and easy to get there. Did you know it takes a really long time to drive there? And looping around Shreveport instead of bypassing it is NOT the fastest way back to New Orleans. But other than that and some heavy traffic we made really good time.

We stayed with Pam’s friend Maura and she has a dog that looks exactly like Lily, but bigger. Oh and she also is in possession of the Most. Awesome. House. EVER! Seriously it looks like a normal house from the outside and then you step into it. Holy decorating skills Batman!

In case I forgot to mention it the whole purpose of going to Dallas, besides visiting Pam’s high school friends and seeing their wicked cool houses, was to shop. Shop like no woman has shopped before. Apparently Dallas has 3 huge ass malls and each one makes Lakeside Mall look tiny and pathetic. Like a mini practice mall. Plus Dallas has an IKEA, okay they don’t yet, but we drove past the building and tears nearly ran down my face. So beautiful.

We started Saturday with brunch at a place called CafĂ© Brazil. I had the best pan-crepes money could buy. And bacon. You need to load up on protein and grease so you don’t burn out half way through a day of shopping.

After brunch we went to Sam Moon’s. We don’t have a Sam Moon’s here in NOLA, but we do have the jewelry show a few times a year. Sam Moon and the jewelry show are basically one and the same. Scary woman and teenagers with too much makeup rooting through piles of purses, scarves, wallets and walls upon walls of earrings and necklaces looking for the one non-tacky thing there. Actually I think said woman and teenagers are really looking for the many many tacky things there, but for the good of humanity I like to think they are like me, searching for the non-tacky items. Anyway, I ended up finding 3 pairs of earrings and a wallet to buy. All non-tacky, thankyouverymuch.

After Sam Moon’s we went to Stonebriar Centre . Seriously this is not a mall for the faint of heart. It has valet parking for god’s sake! And a map you can take a carry with you. And St. Bernard dogs to bring you water when you are too tired to carry on any farther.

The highlight of my mall experience was Sephora. How is it that a girl who wears so little makeup can find so much joy in a store that only sells makeup and other beauty products? It’s one of God’s cruel jokes. Another is the fact that we don’t have a Sephora here in NOLA. WHY GOD?!? WHY MUST YOU PUNISH US SO??? We went to Spehora so Pam could have her eyes done as a trial for her wedding, but instead the sales girl deemed me more pathetic and helped me first. She did my eyes all dark and dramatic with greens. I felt pretty stupid walking around the rest of the day, but Pam, Polly, and Kettie all swore it looked good. I think they were all secretly laughing behind my back. The rest of the girls also got their eyes done, but they looked way more normal than I did. And Polly and Kettie were suckered into buying some nice hand cream at the register. Granted it did work really well, but it’s funny that they got suckered and the sales girls didn’t even try and tempt Pam and I with it. We must have looked very street wise and tough. Like we don’t fall for cheesy sales attempts.

Jesus, can you believe I’m still going on about Dallas? If you’ve made it this far you deserve a treat.

I’ll be quicker from here on out. I swear.

After the mall we went back to Maura’s and changed for dinner and a night out. Expect that we stuffed ourselves so full during dinner that all we had the energy to do was go back to Maura’s and drink wine.

Sunday morning we packed up our stuff and some of Maura’s (okay not really but we should of as her stuff was so cool) and headed back for New Orleans. We stopped in Natchitouches for a tour of Pam’s geek high school and meat pies. Oh and we saw the outside of the Steel Magnolias house. Very impressive.

And that’s it. That’s my play by play report of Dallas vaca. Pretty interesting right?

Friday, July 22, 2005

Excuses, excuses

See, I told you the pics make me look geeky. I swear I’m perfectly cute in real life.

Vegas Pics

Me at M&M World, which is a 4 story M&M heaven:

Me at the Manolo Blahnik store in the Bellagio Hotel. I couldn't bring myself to go in but I would allow myself to gaze lovingly at the shoes through the window:

Picture of a fountain from when I jet setted over to Paris one day. Okay really I stayed at the Paris Hotel which was beautful. The attention to detail was just amazing.

Another picture of part of the Paris Hotel. This may be the closest I EVER get to Paris:

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Dallas, the land of oil and shopping

I did it. Did what? Got that damn pedicure I’ve been agonizing over. And I didn’t even have a bottle of wine before I went. And the girl even said I have nice feet. Who cares if she was just sucking up hoping for a better tip, I HAVE NICE FEET. I think I’m going to need regular pedicures from here on out.

I’m leaving tomorrow for Dallas. Why Dallas? Because the beach is too expensive. And shark infested. But in truth Pam and I will probably end up spending more in Dallas thanks to the huge mall there. I hope Polly has more self-control than we do, someone has to pay for the gas on the way home.

Does anyone feel like coming over and helping me decorate my house? I’m just at a loss for what to do. Or maybe I’m just too lazy to do it myself.

Hmmm, I wonder if Dallas has land sharks? candy gram!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Question of the week

I'm creating a new weekly feature called Question of the Week (here out known as QOTW) The rules are simple, if you read the QOTW you must answer the QOTW. "I don't know" and "neither" ARE NOT VALID CHOICES. Do you understand, they are not options for answers.

So here goes:

Would you rather wake up to find a cockroach sucking on your tear duct for moisture or two rats having sex on your stomach?

Me, I'm going to have to go with the damn humping rats.


I just realized that there is not enough chocolate in the world to make me happy.