Wednesday, August 17, 2005

If I include the words "Victoria's Secret" and "first lesbian experience" enough I'm sure some sad perverts will stumble upon my blog while searching for those things online.

I used to only buy bras and panties from Victoria's Secret but then I became poor and I was forced to buy my underwear from more affordable places like Target. This was until recently when Victoria's Secret unleashed a new bra that I had to go check out: The Ipex.

It's been a few years since I went into Victoria's Secret with the intention of actually trying on something and apparently, in those years, they have revamped their customer service policy. I'm thinking there is now a male president of the company and he wants every shopper to have a enjoyable lesbian experience when she goes to buy her bras.

Before I go any further let me clarify that I have no naked issues as I was stuck in the woods at a resident camp with many other girls for many summers of my life and have seen and been seen by a rather large number of naked breasts. It's just that when you're not expecting to have a naked experience it's a little unsettling.

And now back to how I got my breasts felt up by the salesgirls (yes, that's plural)

I went in with the intention of trying on the new Ipex and maybe to find a new push up bra since at 25 your breasts decide they want to start developing a friendship with your knees. All of the salesgirls were very nice and immediately placed me and an Ipex in a fitting room. I barely had the bra on when there was a knock at the door and, before I could even fully answer, I had salesgirl #1 in the room with me suggesting that maybe, just maybe, I'm trying on the wrong size and she needs to measure me. I'm assuming they measure you without a shirt since a shirt could affect the outcome of your size. Or at least that's what I was telling myself at the time.

next up: push up bras.

My friendly salesgirl #2 goes and gets me 3 different push ups that each offers "a different kind of cleavage and lift with looking fake, I mean look at my breasts can you tell I'm wearing a push up bra?"(puffs chest out at me, and please remember that I'm only in a bra and jeans at this point in time)

On goes push up #1. I think the salesgirls have implants in their ears that allows them to hear the hooks on bras hook because that's exactly when she walked into my dressing room.

"Oh, I don't know about that one on you, it looks more like it's wearing you, rather than you are wearing it." (I don't know what this means, can anyone explain?) At this point she grabs my breasts and shoves them up so that my chin is resting on them making my neck obsolete. I'm not sure what this was demonstrating because I was so overcome with fear that next she would twist them off that I couldn't pay attention.

She leaves and I ever so quickly try to get on push up #2 before she can enter the room again. Hooks hook and she's back.

"Now that one, it just makes your breasts look perfect. You have this nice curve here (as she plays bongos on my chest) which looks very natural thanks to the thick layer of padding in the bra." You know I'm sorry salesgirl #2, it didn't look natural at all, but it did look good. And I still have one more bra left to try on.

At this point I'm getting a bit nervous because rather than leaving to go find bra #3, she has brought it into the room with her and she is making NO motion towards the door like she's leaving for me to change. So, am I supposed to unleash my breasts right here so she can see them on their own and give me a better opinion about what the bras are doing for me? Do I do the pointless turn away from her yet still facing a mirror so that I'm reflected into the other mirror and therefore I look stupid for trying to turn away from her in the first place? oh god I could feel my ulcer growing irate by the nanosecond.

Thankfully at the exact moment when I needed to make a decision another poor girl needed to be measured for a bra and my salesgirl latched on to her. In her absence I tried on the final bra, didn't even look at it, and then changed back into my own, safe, non-hands on Target bra.

I figured I was home free at this point but on my way out of the fitting room salesgirl #1 comes back and shows me her bra that she is currently wearing. No, she didn't bring me the bra on a hanger, she lifted her shirt to show me the COLOR AND STYLE. How this was supposed to be helpful I don't know. I think they are required to show you theirs since they've been looking at yours.

I left the store with an Ipex, a push up, and one quasi lesbian experience under my belt. Just like the president of the company wanted.


  1. Oh this is too funny! And you know they caught it all on secret camera. I bet it's on the web someplace. And if men hear about this they'll be applying for jobs there. Hey, if you didn't have such big-un's, they wouldn't be drooping at 25. My little 50 year olds are just fine. Hehe.

  2. hey hey hey, they are not overly droopy yet. I can still use them to get boys to buy me drinks at bars.

  3. wow, you were sexually assaulted...but from the tone of your story, I can tell that it strangely turned you on. I mean, if you were digusted, would you have purchased the overpriced Ipex (which I really want)? NO.
    You just can't get that type of service at Target.

    Hooray for bruised boobies!

    If anyone needs me, I'll be at Victoria's Secret.

  4. Best. Entry. EVER. XD And LMAO @ the comments.... ooh man. haha.

    Luckily it doesn't seem I'll ever have the problem of drooping boobs. Mine haven't grown since I was like 14. So it's Target bras for life for me, haha.

  5. Eek, and your comment thingy cut off half of my comment. Anyway here's the rest:

    "...and I love the fact that I can rant about boobs here... there's something very freeing about that. o_O Must be the whole lesbian thing... right?


  6. Alex, you can get that type of service at Target, but only from some scary stock boy that has never seen breasts on a real girl before.

    Sara, you attend the all girls catholic high school. I crown you our resident lesbian expert, since we all know girls catholic high schools are breeding grounds for the young lesbians.

  7. hey hey hey, I went to an all girl Catholic school and I still managed to graduate with a love of penis.
    (sorry Regan's mom, was that too much?)

  8. At least me and my all-girls school self had a lesbian experience before you.

    ...should I be bragging about that? o_O

    *riots for new post*

  9. [...] I bought the ipex bra awhile back and can honestly say that I’ve been really happy with it thus far. Happy enough to return to Victoria’s Secret and buy a few more, in fact. I love the material they are made out of; it has a nice amount of stretch to it without losing shape quickly. The ipex provides great coverage and lift without being obnoxious. [...]