Sunday, August 21, 2005

If my butt gets any bigger I'm going to attach wheels to it so it's easier to carry around.

ugh, I have done nothing this weekend except eat. NOTHING. I'll be surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning and I have a single pair of pants that still fit. Thank god my boss is out of town still and I can wear fat clothes to work.

This means that starting Monday I'm really going to be strict about what I eat. No more frozen pizzas (I had one with my mom on Saturday and another today by myself. But it was a small one, and I didn't eat the crusts, so it couldn't have been that bad.) No more potato chips (dammit Pam, I ate almost a whole bag of unbaked Lays in the past 4 days. I hold you at fault for this). Only good things that aren't crap, and lots lots lots of water. And I'm going to chew gum obsessively instead of snacking.

And if this doesn't work my mom and I are going to start smoking. Yeah, cigarettes instead of food. Even if we get cancer at least we'll be losing weight.


  1. In case you didn't see it already on my Xanga:

    "My butt is big
    And round like the letter C
    And ten thousand lunges
    Have made it rounder
    But not smaller
    And that's just fine.
    It's a space heater
    For my side of the bed
    It's my ambassador
    To those who walk behind me
    It's a border collie
    That herds skinny women
    Away from the best deals
    At clothing sales.
    My butt is big
    And that's just fine
    And those who might scorn it
    Are invited to kiss it."

    ...pulled from a magazine ad. Be proud of your backside, haha

    And no cigarettes. No no no. That's just gross, you might as well slather your lungs with the greasy black nastyness hanging on the inside of a barbeque pit. Remember what you told me about a certain someone not caring about their health and your blatant disapproval... I won't accept hypocripsy from you, joking or not. =P

    And I ate an entire Red Baron pizza all by myself last week. And it was normal sized.

    And I ate the crusts. =X

  2. Okay, no on the smoking. We're just going to do drugs, lots of drugs.

  3. yay! heroin chic here we come!