Wednesday, August 31, 2005

God apparently hates me because I'm friendly to the queers...

I read this and could not stop laughing. It's from Repent


PHILADELPHIA - Just days before "Southern Decadence", an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina destroys the city.

"Southern Decadence" has a history of filling the French Quarters section of the city with drunken homosexuals engaging in sex acts in the public streets and bars. Last year, a local pastor sent video footage of sex acts being performed in front of police to the mayor, city council, and the media. City officials simply ignored the footage and continued to welcome and praise the weeklong celebration as being an "exciting event". However, Hurricane Katrina has put an end to the annual celebration of sin.

On the official "Southern Decadence" website (, it states that the annual event brought in "125,000 revelers" to New Orleans last year, increasing by thousands each year, and up from "over 50,000 revelers" in 1997. This year’s 34th annual "Southern Decadence" was set for Wednesday, August 31, 2005 through Monday, September 5, 2005, but due to massive flooding and the damage left by the hurricane, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco has ordered everyone to evacuate the city.

The past three mayors of New Orleans, including Sidney Barthelomew, Marc H. Morial, and C. Ray Nagin, issued official proclamations welcoming visitors to "Southern Decadence". Additionally, New Orleans City Council made other proclamations recognizing the annual homosexual celebration.

"Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city," stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. "From 'Girls Gone Wild' to 'Southern Decadence,' New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge," he continued.

New Orleans is also known for its Mardi Gras parties where thousands of drunken men revel in the streets to exchange plastic jewelry for drunken women to expose their breasts. This annual event sparked the creation of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series.

"We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long," Marcavage said. "May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God," Marcavage concluded.

"[God] sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." (Matthew 5:45)

I wanna be a cornflake girl

So I was planning a trip to Austin even before Hurricane Katrina for the Tori Amos concert and so far the plan is to still get to the concert. In fact I'm so weirdly obsessed with Tori that I'm leaving Houston obscenely early to get to an Austin bookstore where Tori is doing a signing.

Yup, the plan is to meet and tell her my tale of woe. I don't want pity, I just want to shake Tori's hand and maybe score some backstage passes.

Actually I like to pretend that I'll be able to form coherent sentences when I meet her, but I'll probably just be drooling and nodding my head like a mad woman. I should type it all out and pin it to my shirt so Tori knows what the hell I'm attempting to say to her.

I have always been bizarrely and possibly criminally obsessed with Tori but in this strange time of unemployment and homelessness I'm hinging a lot of emotions on her and her concert. It's weird, like if I can just see her in person and shake her hand somehow I'll be fine. I'll be okay moving to another city where I have no friends or family. I'll be okay looking for a new job when I don't even have a resume or anything other than jeans to wear to interviews. I'll be okay trying to finish my degree and transferring all my credits to a new college.

I'm thinking that somehow this can't turn out well. Wish me luck.

The stars at night shine big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.

Today I was driven around Houston by my wonderful hostess Erin. She showed me some great areas to look for housing in. I'm not going to seriously start looking for a place just yet since I'm leaving for Austin on Friday morning for the Tori concert. I should be back in Houston on Monday.

I spoke with my sister in law today. Her house is in Hammond, LA and she is currently without power but safe. She has spoken to my Dad and Stepmom recently and they seem to have made it out of Mandeville safe. My Grandfather refused to leave New Orleans and is safe at his assisted living place, but may have to leave soon due to a lack of food for all residents.

I still haven't heard from my Mom or my Grandmother but I'm not allowing myself to stress too much about it. I figure stressing out about it will do me no good and that right now I need to focus on reestablishing my life.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Moving on up

Okay so it's time to decide, which city am I moving to since Katrina sunk New Orleans down to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico?

Any suggestions?

Monday, August 29, 2005

God Bless You Ikea

With a Louisiana drivers license IKEA allows you to eat free in their cafeteria. All the meatballs, princess cake, and lignonberry punch you can eat.

At least that's one good thing to come out of Hurricane Katrina.


I can't believe that the Superdome roof is peeling off. I never thought I would hear those words.

I'm afraid to go home and see the damages, that scares me. What if I have no home? At least I would get to rebuy all my stuff. Hello, Ikea!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Rock you like a hurricane

If you are reading this and you are from New Orleans please post your current location in the comments area so I know you are safe. My cell phone reception is HORRIBLE right now and I can barely get in touch with anyone.

Am tired.

I left New Orleans Saturday night at 8:00 pm and arrived in Baton Rouge at 11:30 pm, mainly due to the fact that contraflow sucks and is very easy to get lost on. After sleeping for roughly 2 to 3 hours we got up and prepared to leave for Houston. We were on the road for 6:30 am and arrived in Houton at about 1:00 pm.

Traffic was smooth mainly the whole way, except for at one point when we hit a dead stand still. I could see cop lights ahead so I knew we were all slowing down to rubbernack at an accident. Figuring since every person on the road was running for their lives and only an AWESOME accident would slow us all down I prepared to see a body without a head on the side of the road. But when I got close I saw that we were all slowing down to watch some guy change his tire. Yes, the entire city of New Orleans is running from the worst hurricane in history and we must slow down to rubbernack a GUY CHANGING HIS TIRE. I wanted to kill someone. Fucking morons.


I might leave for Austin tomorrow or the next day depending on when our hosts kick us out. We will definately be in Austin for Friday because I'm not letting an evucation stop me from getting to the Tori amos concert.

I have computer access and email and since you are reading this I'm assuming you do too, so please feel free to email me. Or call me if you have my number and can get through.

Be safe.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Overheard in my house last night...

jparks: "Could you please just calm down and breath?"

me: "I'm not doing any of that hippy breathing bullshit! Next you're going to want me to align my chakras and become one with myself!"

Apparently breathing is now only for hippies and not something I'm interested in doing.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The feminist movement is over!

Well, at least for me it's over. My advisor moved me out of Feminist Theory and into an urban planning class called Planning for Hazards.

And no, after I'm done with this planning for hazards class I will not come hang up hurricane boards over your windows.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Women are not the weaker sex as we have boobs


Have I made that clear enough? I HATED the class last night. It was a bunch of women whining about how it's so hard to be a woman.

Before I get lynched and have my vagina taken away from me let me explain that yes, as a woman I do want to be treated equally. And that yes I do deserve the same amount of respect as a man.

But rather than whining about not getting respected, I get out there with the big boys and demand it. I can hold my own in any room, in any situation, and I don't let anyone tell me that my place is lower than theirs.

The class started with a 30 minute writing assignment "What it means for me to be a woman" or "What defines me as a woman". At the end of the 30 minutes we had to stand up and read our papers. Some women stood up and said they resent their husbands because as a wife they are expected to work a full day in an office, come home to cook dinner and clean the house, and then head out to school, while their husbands don't have to do anything but work.

Are these women expected to do those things because they are a woman, or because they are with a man that has bought into those gender roles and won't allow for any other options? I know that I couldn't be with a man that wouldn't cook dinner, or help clean the house. A relationship is an equal partnership and I choose to not be around men that won't help with "woman's work".

One girl said when her and her boyfriend go to the movies she is always checking his face to see his reactions. What?!?!?!?! She then made it worse by saying that she sometimes gages her reactions based on his. And this defines her as a woman, because this means women are more concerned with emotions than men.

Oh, where to begin with this poor student? First of all yes, women can be more emotional than men, it has to do with biology, but plenty of men out there are emotional as well. (psst, those are the men that are going to help you cook and clean). But at the same time you need to own your emotions and go with them. You can't look to a man to see if you should be laughing or crying. You need to decide if it's a time to laugh, cry, or both of those together.

Some women said they don't want to get married because marriage means losing a part of yourself. These woman probably look at marriage as "finding your other half" or "becoming someones better half". The last time I checked 1 + 1 =2. Marriage is not about losing yourself, but bringing yourself to be part of a partnership. An equal partnership.

Am I being too preachy yet? Can you tell I was about to lose my mind in this class?

By the time I finally stood up I knew I was a minority in the class, being that I'm not angry or upset because I'm a woman.

I told the class that until recently I was engaged, but I did not cancel the wedding because I resent marriage, but because I just didn't feel like an equal in the relationship. I said rather than enter into a lifetime of resent towards my husband I changed my plans. I have no ill feelings towards marriage and look forward to getting married to a man that respects me. At this the class picked up their flaming torches and pitchforks.

I then told them that I enjoy being a woman. Some other classmates said they resent being physically weaker than men. They hate not being able to change a flat tire. I said that I am not physically weak and that my workout partner is male and on many exercises I can do more weight than him or at least keep up with him. And that I can change a flat tire, but why should I when there are boys around to do it for me?

At this statement the class proceeded to throw rocks and other heavy blunt objects at me.

I then made them hate me more by saying that recently I was told by a man that I'm "a man with breasts" and I was not offended by this. For me that meant that I am getting equal respect from men and yet I'm stilling being seen as a woman. The professor asked me to clarify further and I explained that when I'm around boys I go toe to toe with them. If they say something rude or crude rather than faking embarrassment or shock I go one step further and say something worse.

By the time I finished that statement the class had chased me down the hall, through the parking lot, and right off of campus with their torches and pitchforks.

After me a handful of other people went and at the end the professor said that she really enjoyed our ideas and that the class would have a group therapy feel to it since we are discussing theories that apply to our lives. I didnt sign up for group therapy and I DON'T WANT GROUP THERAPY. I AM NOT ANGRY THAT AM A WOMAN!

sigh, I emailed my advisor this morning asking him to find me another class to take, ANY other class to take because I just don't think I'm going to do well in this one.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Tonight I have class and I have to go to school as well

Tonight starts my 59th semester of classes at UNO. yup, 59 semesters and I'm no closer to obtaining my degree than I was at 18.

I've been a General Studies major for 2 semesters now, but just to keep things interesting and to push graduation further away I've recently switched my focus from "Society and Literature" to "Business and Society". ummm yeah, they are just a skosh different (you happy now Jason, skosk, you bastard?!?)

So this means I have to venture into the world of business classes. And more sociology classes that I'm comfortable with. And, much to my displeasure, no more English classes.

Tonight I have a sociology class titled, Feminist Theory. Tomorrow I have my first business class but right now I can't recall it's title.

Sigh, wish me luck.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

If my butt gets any bigger I'm going to attach wheels to it so it's easier to carry around.

ugh, I have done nothing this weekend except eat. NOTHING. I'll be surprised if I wake up tomorrow morning and I have a single pair of pants that still fit. Thank god my boss is out of town still and I can wear fat clothes to work.

This means that starting Monday I'm really going to be strict about what I eat. No more frozen pizzas (I had one with my mom on Saturday and another today by myself. But it was a small one, and I didn't eat the crusts, so it couldn't have been that bad.) No more potato chips (dammit Pam, I ate almost a whole bag of unbaked Lays in the past 4 days. I hold you at fault for this). Only good things that aren't crap, and lots lots lots of water. And I'm going to chew gum obsessively instead of snacking.

And if this doesn't work my mom and I are going to start smoking. Yeah, cigarettes instead of food. Even if we get cancer at least we'll be losing weight.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

If I include the words "Victoria's Secret" and "first lesbian experience" enough I'm sure some sad perverts will stumble upon my blog while searching for those things online.

I used to only buy bras and panties from Victoria's Secret but then I became poor and I was forced to buy my underwear from more affordable places like Target. This was until recently when Victoria's Secret unleashed a new bra that I had to go check out: The Ipex.

It's been a few years since I went into Victoria's Secret with the intention of actually trying on something and apparently, in those years, they have revamped their customer service policy. I'm thinking there is now a male president of the company and he wants every shopper to have a enjoyable lesbian experience when she goes to buy her bras.

Before I go any further let me clarify that I have no naked issues as I was stuck in the woods at a resident camp with many other girls for many summers of my life and have seen and been seen by a rather large number of naked breasts. It's just that when you're not expecting to have a naked experience it's a little unsettling.

And now back to how I got my breasts felt up by the salesgirls (yes, that's plural)

I went in with the intention of trying on the new Ipex and maybe to find a new push up bra since at 25 your breasts decide they want to start developing a friendship with your knees. All of the salesgirls were very nice and immediately placed me and an Ipex in a fitting room. I barely had the bra on when there was a knock at the door and, before I could even fully answer, I had salesgirl #1 in the room with me suggesting that maybe, just maybe, I'm trying on the wrong size and she needs to measure me. I'm assuming they measure you without a shirt since a shirt could affect the outcome of your size. Or at least that's what I was telling myself at the time.

next up: push up bras.

My friendly salesgirl #2 goes and gets me 3 different push ups that each offers "a different kind of cleavage and lift with looking fake, I mean look at my breasts can you tell I'm wearing a push up bra?"(puffs chest out at me, and please remember that I'm only in a bra and jeans at this point in time)

On goes push up #1. I think the salesgirls have implants in their ears that allows them to hear the hooks on bras hook because that's exactly when she walked into my dressing room.

"Oh, I don't know about that one on you, it looks more like it's wearing you, rather than you are wearing it." (I don't know what this means, can anyone explain?) At this point she grabs my breasts and shoves them up so that my chin is resting on them making my neck obsolete. I'm not sure what this was demonstrating because I was so overcome with fear that next she would twist them off that I couldn't pay attention.

She leaves and I ever so quickly try to get on push up #2 before she can enter the room again. Hooks hook and she's back.

"Now that one, it just makes your breasts look perfect. You have this nice curve here (as she plays bongos on my chest) which looks very natural thanks to the thick layer of padding in the bra." You know I'm sorry salesgirl #2, it didn't look natural at all, but it did look good. And I still have one more bra left to try on.

At this point I'm getting a bit nervous because rather than leaving to go find bra #3, she has brought it into the room with her and she is making NO motion towards the door like she's leaving for me to change. So, am I supposed to unleash my breasts right here so she can see them on their own and give me a better opinion about what the bras are doing for me? Do I do the pointless turn away from her yet still facing a mirror so that I'm reflected into the other mirror and therefore I look stupid for trying to turn away from her in the first place? oh god I could feel my ulcer growing irate by the nanosecond.

Thankfully at the exact moment when I needed to make a decision another poor girl needed to be measured for a bra and my salesgirl latched on to her. In her absence I tried on the final bra, didn't even look at it, and then changed back into my own, safe, non-hands on Target bra.

I figured I was home free at this point but on my way out of the fitting room salesgirl #1 comes back and shows me her bra that she is currently wearing. No, she didn't bring me the bra on a hanger, she lifted her shirt to show me the COLOR AND STYLE. How this was supposed to be helpful I don't know. I think they are required to show you theirs since they've been looking at yours.

I left the store with an Ipex, a push up, and one quasi lesbian experience under my belt. Just like the president of the company wanted.

My name is Regan and I watch crap tv shows.

On Friday night I was discussing with friends TV shows that we are embarrassed to admit that we like. At the time I couldn't think of any that I could admit I watch in secret. But the winds of change are blowing and now I have not one, but TWO shows to come clean about.

1. Tommy Lee Goes to College
I want to shake the man's hand that came up with this show. It premiered last night and I must admit, I set my Tivo to a season pass (Mom that means it's going to record every episode) after the first episode. What genius thought "Hey, let's make famous drummer Tommy Lee try out for the school band and watch him almost fail the audition." I love love love when Tommy Lee moves into his dorm room that he must share with another student. yes! A shared dorm room! Or when Tommy Lee kicks his room mate out because his hottie tutor is coming over! I mean, this is the man that got to make motorboat noises with Pam Anderson's huge boobs, and he's getting excited about a college aged pre-med student!!! Brilliant!

2. My Super Sweet 16
I've been borderline about this show on MTV for a while now. Should I cave in and watch the spoiled girls get their ways or take some kind of stand that this show proves what is wrong with American teenagers today? Oh screw it, I can find another way to take a stand on American teenagers, I want to watch the show.
So what's so great about this show? ummm, Spoiled rich girls spending $400,000 on a sweet 16 birthday party and getting upset when mommy cancels their credit cards. Or crying when daddy says they might not get them the $100,000 Land Rover they want. How can you not like this show?

Monday, August 15, 2005

99 bottles of beer in my belly

Friday night I learned a very important lesson. Never allow a drunk girl access to her wedding accessories. After consuming 2 bottles of wine (not by herself) Pam disappeared only to reappear in her pink crinoline, wedding veil, and incredibly high heels, As seen here. (Sorry some of the pics are sideways, I'm working on fixing that) After doing some fun bridal model poses including, but not limited to humping the wall and cat back, Pam decided to mock cheesy wedding pictures everywhere. Enter Alex into the picture. So not only did Pam do the cheesy "Oh, my veil just happened to blow over our heads right as we were kissing!" picture, but she put a lesbian interracial twist on it. And then I decided to get involved and pop out of the bottom of her crinoline. We should have stopped drinking but no, we then moved from Pam's house to the Pub. That's where the ice cream picture comes from. Because really after consuming wine and beer nothing sits better in your stomach than ice cream.

So that was Friday.

Now let's skip to Saturday night.

Umm, I drank a lot. Like a whole lot. And somehow after many many beers, the picture topic turned to crothes. Not naked crotches, so don't get all excited. But anyway, here you go. I don't know what we were thinking in most of these pics. Apparently Jason and Troy make a cute couple and like to cuddle up to each other in public. And if you give Mike the camera for even 5 seconds you'll end up with about 40 pictures of Mandy.

And then on Sunday I bought a ladder. And that folks, was my weekend.

Those Godless Bastards at Hershey's

Step by step guide of how to get fat:
1. Stop to buy a Gatorade after a hard workout but find that Hershey's now makes a special edition, limited time only, chocolate stuffed chocolate bar.
2. Buy said choco bar because you just know if you don't buy it now those bastards at Hershey's will stop making it right when you really need one.
3. Eat whole choco stuffed choco bar before you drive away from the gas station so know one will ever know your shame of falling prey to the unaccounted for deliciousness of a choco stuffed choco bar.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Twin brothers separated at birth?

Two not so interesting developments in Jason's life:
1. He shaved his head
2. He has started watching Lost.

On there own very very boring. Together they make for a good laugh.

One of the main characters on Lost is played by Matthew Fox. Matthew Fox has a shaved head. So guess who Jason thinks he looks just like...yup, Mr. Matthew Fox.

Not familiar with Matthew Fox? Let's do a picture comparison:

Matthew Fox

Jason Parks

Twins I tell you!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Anyone here?

Since I've moved over to this site it seems no one likes me anymore. Or maybe I'm just not as interesting as I used to be. I don't know why you've all left me, but come on, I thrive on your attention. I neeeed it. Perhaps if I've been boring lately someone should take me out to do something fun. yeah, that's it! It's all of your faults that I'm so boring.

Monday, August 8, 2005


I used to be intelligent. Quick witted. A thinking man's woman. Now I'm slowly losing IQ points and brain cells due to lack of use.

My job is fairly easy and I'm pretty sure a trained primate could do it. Don't get me wrong I usually always have something to do, but it just does not take a lot of brain power to do it. And because of this I really think I'm becoming a moron.

I need to find a website or something that has a good brain exercise on it. Something that I can do at least once a day to get my brian running. Maybe a crossword puzzle. Except I don't really like crossword puzzles. hmmm, any suggestions?

Weekend Recap

Go see Wedding Crashers right now. Seriously go. You can finish reading this later, right now you need to get to a movie theatre. I think it might have been the funniest movie I've seen this year.

Other than seeing Wedding Crashers it was a quiet weekend. Except for the part where at Melissa's bridal shower I scared half the guests by screaming and making a mad dash for a clothespin. It was during a game and I'm competitive. And no, it's not about the prizes, it's about the glory of winning.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

No more visitors!

I really don't mind when people want to come to New Orleans for a vacation. The part that always gets me is when they want to go out drinking I can't help but go with them. On a week night. When I have to be at work for 8:30 the next day.

You like how I pinned this hangover on Joe? Like some how it's his fault that Nacho Mama's was having 2 for 1 Corona's. Or that someone in our group knew our waitress and she brought over free tequila shots. Or that we had Vanilla Stoli and Diet Coke when we got home. Damn you Joe!

I have a few pics from Nacho Mama's. I'll post them here after work tonight.

I think we might have even called my Mom last night. Yay for drunk dialing.

Tonight there is a dinner planned with some girl friends of mine at Superior Grill. I'm not going to drink any margarita's. Nope, not one. I will demonstrate astounding self-control. But then agian, I am off of work on Friday so I could sleep in and not have to deal with my hangover...

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Whole Foods

The new Whole Foods in Metairie has a nut roasting station (can you see where this is going?) and last night a guy named Corey was working said roasting station. He was also offering samples if you asked.

Jason, Joe, and I approach Corey and I say:
"Wow, I'd love to taste Corey's nuts"

Corey was not amused. Jason and Joe were.


Would you rather always wear shoes that are a half size too small or always have your underwear creeping up your butt?

Underwear creeping up my butt please. I mean it's basically a thong.

Monday, August 1, 2005

Weekend Recap

Things I did this weekend:

1. Went and saw Jason's new baby niece. Did not go all gooey over the baby like everyone else. In fact didn't even hold the baby. Is it wrong that all I could think when I saw the baby was "Did I take my birth control pill last night?"
2. Saw The Island. Dear Mr. Michael Bay you owe me 12 hours of my life. Plus the $7.50 it cost me to see your crap-tastic movie. This movie proved that even hottie Ewan McGregor can't save every movie he's in.
3. Went out drinking with Joe and Jason. Drink an orchid worth of cider and did my first kamikaze shot. ick, too lime-ish.
4. Watch as Jason got tricked into shaving his head. hehehehehe
5. Did laundry and left a bunch of bras at my Mom's house. Mom, I would say please don't wear them but we all know you won't fill out the cups.
6. Hung a cat from my face. I say that like I was a willing participant. I was not. Tangi simply grabbed hold of my face with her claws and would not let go. It hurt and I don't recommend it.