Sunday, October 15, 2006

jparks and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Yesterday jparks had a rough day, mainly due to the fact that he can't learn from his mistakes.

First I was sitting on the floor opening my new cupcake carrying case and cupcake tree when he walked over and grabbed at my boobs. Why was he grabbing at my boobs? Well, he is jparks. If he didn't grab at my boobs I might not recognize him.

As I mentioned, I was sitting on the floor and when he grabbed at my boobs I swung out and hit him in the crotch. It was truly just a reflex and I didn't even realize I had hit him that hard, at least not until he dropped to the ground, grew red in the face, and gasped for air between cries.

Later, when he had recovered, jparks came to annoy Lily while she was trying to sleep. She wanted none of this and bit him on the nose. Did he learn not to bother a sleeping dog? No, he didn't. He pestered her some more until she bit him again. Personally I sided with Lily and would have bitten him too.

And to end his day of a bitten nose and bruised nuts, jparks came and sat next to me on the couch. He leaned over to bite my arm (yeah I don't know what's wrong with my husband, he has mental problems) and got a mouth full of hydrocortisone spray.

My arms had started itching really badly at my work event and I sprayed them the next day when it hadn't stopped. I hadn't mentioned the spray to jparks because, well I honestly didn't see him licking or biting my arms in the near future. Lesson learned: expected the unexpected. As soon as my flesh hit his tongue he recoiled with a look of disgust that I would have paid to see again.

Later that evening he reached over and bit my arm again. Ha, moron! The awesome look from before crossed his face as I laughed and asked why he didn't learn. He ran off to rinse out his mouth, muttering under his breath about why I didn't remind him about the spray.

One hit in the nuts, 2 dog bites, and 2 tastes of hydrocortisone spray. It was a bad day for jparks, but an entertaining one for me.


  1. Dragon, your life never ceases to amuse me...

  2. glad to know my life is amusing to someone other than me.

  3. At least tomorrow will be better, if not he can always move to Australia. I bet they're gentle with nuts in Australia.

  4. hehehe. yeah, for getting the book reference!

  5. As much as I want grandkids, I just don't know if you two should reproduce.

  6. If you get bitten by the Sumatran Crack Monkey, you will be cursed with undeath.

  7. well, Mom, now that I'm smacked him in the crotch having kids may not be an option.

  8. [...] Between this post and this post I bet you’re worried that jparks and I won’t live to see 30. You’re probably right. We probably shouldn’t have kids either. Ah well, we’ll just have the kids wear helmets and kneepads, I’m sure they’ll be fine. [...]