Wednesday, January 31, 2007

recycling my way to Blogher

Last year I went to the Blogher conference because it was conveniently located in my backyard. This year I would love to attend again, but they uprooted the conference and moved it across the country to Chicago. Thanks to them moving the conference, the cost will be more than just admission; I'll have airfare, food, and lodgings to consider. Today I spent a chunk of time scheming ways to pay for the trip: pole dancing? haven't lost enough weight yet. Not buying new spring clothes? hehe, sure. Selling a kidney on craigslist? They've banned human organ sales. It seemed that for every good idea I had there was a reason why it could never work.

That was until my light bulb finally went off and I saw the solution to my financial woes. Recycling! What?!? That's right folks, recycling is how I'm going to attend Blogher in Chicago.

Here in California we pay a fee, in addition to the selling price, when purchasing beverages in cans and bottles. This was a foreign, confusing concept for me when we first arrived, but now I've grown used to it and am no longer confused as to why my receipt has a CRV line (At first I thought I was slowly making payments towards a Honda). Right now jparks and I throw our recyclables into the bins in our apartment building's garage and let them deal with towing them to the recycling center. By doing this we are losing money, money that we've all ready shelled out simply to enjoy that can of diet coke, but I just wrote it off as the cost of being lazy. I'm no longer going to, literally, throw money away, especially since they've just raised the amounts you can get for bottles and cans.

So, starting immediately, in the Parks' household all cans and bottles will be rinsed and then brought to our local recycling facility. There I will happily collect my handful of change and set it aside for Blogher. The conference is not until the end of July, so I hope to have enough recycling money set aside by then. And I'm not above accepting bottles and cans from folks that are like the old me, way too lazy to bring them in themselves.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

hey bandwagon, wait up! I'm trying to jump on

Recently the blogging world (note it's not the blog-o-sphere as that phrase sends jparks' into a long winded rant about how he hates the phrase and all that it stands for) has been taken over by the Five Things post that everyone seems to be doing.

What is the Five Things post? It's a meme (don't ask me, I still haven't figured out what meme stands for) where you reveal Five Things no one knows about you on your blog. Miranda tagged me and I am going to accept the challenge of doing this, but I'm not sure what people know about me and what people don't know. So if I'm just stating old news, then oops, my bad.

1. I always wanted to get married, but when I was planning my first wedding (I was engaged before jparks, I know some of you know that, but some may not) I could not picture the actual wedding part of it, the part where my fiancé and I stood up in front of people and said "I do". I encountered the same thing when jparks and I started wedding planning, so I knew it wasn't a cold feet issue. I just couldn't imagine standing in front of a bunch of people and exchanging vows, it seemed too private to share. I could, however, picture us (us being jparks and I) eloping, so that's what we did. It worked out well for us.

2. Some other things I've never been able to picture happening to me include walking across the stage for high school graduation (I came down with chicken pox two days before the ceremony and had to miss it) and graduating from college (that's looking like a long shot right now). I seem to have a solid grasp on what I will do and what I will never do.

3. Most times I cannot picture myself as a parent. I hope I'm wrong about that one.

4. I think I dress like a stay at home mom that never ventures out of the house to that foreign place called a mall. This is sad really, since I love clothes and even have a subscription to a magazine dedicated to shopping.

5. I see nothing in ink blot tests. Nothing. I'm pretty sure this means I lack an imagination, which might also explain why I have trouble imagining myself in various life situations.

I'm only going to tag jparks to do this mainly because I want to know what secrets he might produce.

Monday, January 29, 2007


I managed to survive another trapeze lesson with no accidents. But then today, while working, I fell down some stairs and hurt my wrist.

So let's recap: flying through the air, 30 feet above the ground, while holding onto a thin bar, good. Walking down a flight of stairs slowly, while holding the handrail, bad.

And here is a video of jparks making his catch:

And you can find video of me falling into the net and some pictures of me flying through the air here

Friday, January 26, 2007

p(eeing) is for private

I have this issue with using the bathroom. I absolutely, under no circumstance, will allow jparks to be witness to me peeing. I know some folks view the ability to pee with the bathroom door open as the ultimate in relationship comfort, but not me. I want the door closed and maybe even locked. Also, if possible, jparks should at least be down the hall, out of earshot, but I'm flexible with that requirement.

I'm pretty sure this stemmed from something I read in Cosmo years ago. I don't read Cosmo anymore, since I had a year long subscription long ago, and in that year I read every article they have ever created and are now just renaming for new issues. 35 sex positions he'll flip for! 35 new sex positions you've never tried! 35 ways to make your man melt in bed! 35 ways to get him off while boring yourself to tears!

In one of their articles probably titled "Relationship myths debunked" it explained how most people find peeing in front of their significant other a sign that they are truly comfortable together and that the relationship is headed to a stable, long term place, read as: marriage. But the Cosmo truth behind this myth is that NO! peeing in front of your partner is bad. Almost as bad as cheating on them. Almost as bad as eating the last of the ice cream and putting the empty carton back in the freezer. B.A.D. According to Cosmo, men think women are above bodily functions and watching us pee shows that we are human. The outcome of becoming a human is that he'll never want to touch you in a sexual way ever again. No matter how much he loved you pre-pee, post-pee you'll cross over to "friend" land, never to be a girlfriend again.

Out of all the crap I read in Cosmo, this one little bit of info stuck. And it is so stuck nothing can dislodge it. I swear, if jparks sees me pee I think my world might crumble.

Now I know some men are into Golden Showers which totally disproves Cosmo's theory. But you know Golden Showers are gross sounding so obviously the people that enjoy them are sickos. They probably also like to fuck neutered female dogs. There is no way Golden Shower enjoying people are going to convince me to change my mind.

I never thought I would say it, but Cosmo has changed my life. I'll never lose jparks thanks to urination. I'll keep peeing behind closed (locked) doors, and he'll keep loving me.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


You know what I miss? mix tapes. Specifically mix tapes made by friends that were trying to get you to listen to some new bands or their favorite songs.

I know exists and is the answer to mix tapes in this day and age, but I'm a bit slow and haven't quite figured it out yet. Besides with you don't get the tape or cd cover that your friend personally designed or wrote out for you. And really, that's just as important as the music.

When I was a kid I remember taping songs from the radio for the highest quality mix tapes possible. Or, even better, a friend of mine and I held a tape player up to the radio to record a song, but then her brother came in the room and started talking. We ended up with the song featuring a snippet of her brother talking and then us hushing him halfway through.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a musical rut and it's making me miss mix tapes with selections of new musical possibilities. If anyone wants to take pity on me and make me a mix tape (read as a cd since I haven't had a tape player in years) I would love that. If you need my shipping address find the contact button and send me an email. Otherwise, I guess I'll just go back to listening to the same old stuff.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

with the greatest of ease

I had trapeze class yesterday and I survived! And I've even signed up for 9 more classes. Apparently, having the shit scared out of me is something I enjoy.

The woman that spoke to me when I made my reservation explained that by the end of the class I would be hanging from the trapeze by my knees. When she said by the end of class it seems she meant "by the first 5 minutes of class". Seriously, you show up, they hoist you onto a low bar, and you hang from your knees. Then, a minute later, you climb up a ladder and are on a small platform grabbing the trapeze. Seconds after this, you're jumping off the platform, flying through the air, and trying to get your legs onto the bar.

I was not successful the first two times. Finally, on my third swing I was able to get my legs over the bar and my hands free. The secret is that you really can't think about how stupid or scary it is to jump off the platform (you have a safety wire on but it's not very comforting when you're high in the air on that platform). My head was swimming with fear, my palms so sweaty I kept having to chalk up, and my knees so weak I can't remember how I climbed the ladder, but once I stopped thinking about it I was (kinda) okay.

Did I mention that when you're on the platform, if you don't jump when the instructor says "hep" he kinda gives you a gentle nudge (read as: a kick in the ass) and knocks you off the platform. Yeah, I was "nudged" every time it was my turn.

Having a hard time envisioning exactly what hanging from one's knees looked like? As I mentioned jparks was not at this class to take pictures and the girl that I handed my camera to didn't take very many or very good pictures. I searched you tube and found these videos of people taking classes at the gym I attend, but these are not videos of me. Next week jparks is taking the class with me and we'll get some footage but until then you can check these out to see exactly what I was doing.

This video is of a catch, which I completed on my first try. I didn't think I could do it, but I did and was very proud. And again, this is not me, just someone doing what I did.

Yesterday the class didn't seem like much of a workout but today I can see I was wrong. I'm sore all across my back, in my abs, and my arms. But it's a good sore. It's a sore that says I'm proud that I overcame a fear and got a good workout at the same time.

Plus, I didn't puke on anyone and that makes me proud too.

Friday, January 19, 2007

some words of advice

dear person that came to my blog after searching for this:

can you fuck a neutered female dog

The answer is, technically, yes you can. But morally, no you can't and you're a fucking sicko. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I don't even recognize myself

When we first started rock climbing I absolutely, under no circumstances wanted to be hanging from a rope. I was willing to try to climb the wall, but was not going to risk making any moves that might cause me to fall. This lasted many a couple of weeks and then I realized "crap, I'm never going to climb the harder routes unless I grow up and take some risks." Next thing I knew, I was perfectly capable of hanging from a rope and not peeing, out of fear, on everyone below me.

Well, I've apparently become so comfortable with the idea of hanging from ropes that I'm making the next logical step and taking trapeze lessons. Oh yeah, I'm going this Saturday for my first trapeze lesson; during which I've been promised that they'll get me hanging upside down by my knees.

I really don't know what I was thinking when I called and signed up for the class. My guess is that the part of my brain that controls rational thought has ceased to function thanks to a lack of nutrients since joining weight watchers.

Unfortunately jparks has a dorklord Dragonlord event on Saturday and will not be there to take pictures as I gracefully glide through the air. Or, what is probably more likely to happen, to capture the look of "OH. FUCK. I just puked in my mouth and want down RIGHT. THIS. FUCKING SECOND." that is sure to be plastered across my face.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

tambourine player looking for a band

I've recently decided that I need to play tambourine with a band and I'm going to need to do this soon. So if you're a band looking for a tambourine player here's a list of reasons I might be just the right person:

1. I will provide my own tambourine. And as I don't currently own one, you can pick one out for me in whatever style you think best fits the band's image (do tambourines come in different designs?)

2. I've been watching studying other tambourine players and it seems that it's good form to hit your tambourine against your hip. Well, potential band mates, let me say I've got plenty of hip to hit a tambourine against. This means there will never be a chance that I'll miss my hip and have a silent tambourine. No, my hips can keep the music flowing.

3. I like good music. I also like some crap music, but it's good crap music.

4. I have no musical talent (other than rocking the tambourine HARD). This means I won't ever try to take the band in a new direction or ask to write songs. I'm totally neutral, so long as I can shake my tambourine.

5. I don't want to sing backup vocals, but if you insist on me doing it I'm willing to take voice lessons.

6. Maybe you're not sure you need a tambourine player all the time, well I don't mind only playing one show. Don't get me wrong, I could go on the road with you, but I'm cool only playing one show.

7. I've watched Almost Famous more times that I can remember. That's got to count for something.

8. I rock.

So, who wants me to join their band?

Friday, January 12, 2007

I learned a few things last night at the Justin Timberlake concert:

1. Justin can really dance. I mean, I knew he could dance, but seeing him live made me realize he can really dance

2. Teenage girls, when put into one arena, can form a scream-like noise that will crawl into your head and leave a mark forever visible on cat scans. You'll be 80 years-old and the doctors will know that you once went to a Justin Timberlake concert.

3. Teenage girls, when given the chance to be under the same roof as Justin Timberlake, will dress as skanky as humanly possible. You know, just in case he wanders off the stage, past the floor crowd, and into the cheap seats, these 13 year-old will be ready to seduce him.

4. My small digital camera has video capabilities. Really crappy video capabilities, but video capabilities none the less.

5. I can't hold a video camera steady.

6. Even from a distance, Justin Timberlake is hot.

Frickin' laser beams:

Thursday, January 11, 2007

and on this day...

...a gift was given to the world. A child was born to the delight of many.

Happy Birthday to me!

So far I'm liking 27. Why? Because I've gotten some pretty awesome gifts. Check them out:

My mother-in-law sent me this a sewing machine, which totally surprised me. I haven't been able to play with it yet, thanks to jparks telling me not to go buy any fabric or patterns and because I'm behind on my crochet homework. (I'm only capable of one craft at a time)
oh brother!
pressure foot
Looky, I can make all kinds of neat stitches!
so many stitching options

My bosses gave me the suite at the HP Pavilion for tonight. Why? Because Justin Timberlake is playing there! Holy crap, I'm going with 11 of my friends (or friends of friends) to watch JT shake what God gave him on stage. I'm pretty sure I'll be foaming at the mouth later.
Bringing SexyBack!

My mom gave me a bracelet that I'm having a hella hard time photographing, so I'll just link to it instead.

Jparks also gave me a bracelet, but I'm thinking of returning it and getting an external camera flash instead. He's also taking me out to dinner somewhere nice. I'm not sure that he knows he taking me out to dinner, but I assure you, it'll happen.

AND, (this birthday list just keeps going on and on) some friends of mine are having a little dinner party for me on Saturday. Yay! Food, cake, and wine (maybe even champagne), I can't wait!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I forgot how to drink

Do you guys remember that time I forgot how to brush my teeth and ended covered in toothpaste?

Well, this morning I grabbed a can of diet coke and settled in at my desk to get some work done. I lifted the can to my lips and took a sip. Except it didn't quite go like that. I lifted the can to what I thought were my lips, but what was actually the area right near my lips. I then poured diet coke all over my chin, sweater, and skirt.

I guess it's a good thing I'm wearing lots of black today and that we have hand dryers in the bathroom. I also think I'm going to order soup at lunch, as a spoon seems like it'll be safer for me to use than a fork.

Monday, January 8, 2007

I promise to use my powers for good

Either I'm psychic or I've got the power to control the universe with my blog.

Are you not a believer? Well, here and here.

The next question is, what Hollywood couple should I break up now?

Friday, January 5, 2007

what, christmas was when?

I guess I got caught up in life and forgot to mention how much I rock at giving gifts during the holidays. I don't want to brag, but I'm so good at giving gifts, you really should make friends with me by next Christmas. I'll gift you like you've never been gifted before.*

I put together fancy purses for my nieces, complete with a wedding ring and jeweled necklace. Oh, and sparkly things for their hair. These were totally a hit.

My mom and sister-in-law got a fancy box of truffles from Dylan's Candy Bar. While the truffles weren't overly expensive, they were quite tasty, and Dylan's even sent a lollipop in the package for me. Yay for surprise treats!

Whitney and Lauren both got a copy of "I Like You" by Amy Sedaris and a brunch cookbook. I hope one of them invites me over for brunch. hint hint. I'll bring champagne.

My bosses got the best gift of all. I made marshmallows, hot cocoa mix, and chocolate chip cookies. I put containers of each of those in a bag with a children's Christmas book and called it a "Night with the Kids" package. Both of my bosses are family guys and they really liked the idea of reading to their kids while drinking homemade cocoa. And there are no words to describe how good the marshmallows were.

I gave some other gifts this holiday season, but these stood out as crowd pleasers. I'm already working on ideas for next year, and it's looking good for people on my nice list. Let's just hope I can remember my ideas by next December.

*Okay, maybe you have received better gifts than I can give, but my gifts are still pretty darn good.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

going back to cali

Jparks and I are finally heading back to Cali tomorrow morning, and as much as I love being in New Orleans with friends and family, I'm very ready to get back to my shit-hole apartment. We've been on 'vacation' since the 23rd and I miss my animals, I miss my bed (stupid air mattresses that deflate in the middle of the night), and I even miss my job. The reason why we've extended our stay hasn't made it any easier either.

We've decided that the additional time we've spent here this trip has made it impossible to come back for Mardi Gras. Well, impossible unless we win a lottery between now and the end of February. Which is totally possible. I'm kinda planning on it happening. There's no way this plan can go wrong, right?

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

my style of therapy is a bit different

I don't know how other people deal with the death of a family member, but me, I drink expensive champagne and eat cheese out of a jar. Klassy.