Friday, January 26, 2007

p(eeing) is for private

I have this issue with using the bathroom. I absolutely, under no circumstance, will allow jparks to be witness to me peeing. I know some folks view the ability to pee with the bathroom door open as the ultimate in relationship comfort, but not me. I want the door closed and maybe even locked. Also, if possible, jparks should at least be down the hall, out of earshot, but I'm flexible with that requirement.

I'm pretty sure this stemmed from something I read in Cosmo years ago. I don't read Cosmo anymore, since I had a year long subscription long ago, and in that year I read every article they have ever created and are now just renaming for new issues. 35 sex positions he'll flip for! 35 new sex positions you've never tried! 35 ways to make your man melt in bed! 35 ways to get him off while boring yourself to tears!

In one of their articles probably titled "Relationship myths debunked" it explained how most people find peeing in front of their significant other a sign that they are truly comfortable together and that the relationship is headed to a stable, long term place, read as: marriage. But the Cosmo truth behind this myth is that NO! peeing in front of your partner is bad. Almost as bad as cheating on them. Almost as bad as eating the last of the ice cream and putting the empty carton back in the freezer. B.A.D. According to Cosmo, men think women are above bodily functions and watching us pee shows that we are human. The outcome of becoming a human is that he'll never want to touch you in a sexual way ever again. No matter how much he loved you pre-pee, post-pee you'll cross over to "friend" land, never to be a girlfriend again.

Out of all the crap I read in Cosmo, this one little bit of info stuck. And it is so stuck nothing can dislodge it. I swear, if jparks sees me pee I think my world might crumble.

Now I know some men are into Golden Showers which totally disproves Cosmo's theory. But you know Golden Showers are gross sounding so obviously the people that enjoy them are sickos. They probably also like to fuck neutered female dogs. There is no way Golden Shower enjoying people are going to convince me to change my mind.

I never thought I would say it, but Cosmo has changed my life. I'll never lose jparks thanks to urination. I'll keep peeing behind closed (locked) doors, and he'll keep loving me.


  1. Reading this just made me wonder who / what made you feel compelled to write about this? Did someone try to convince you just this afternoon that it is OK to pee in front of your hubby? Which, just for the record, if you're not dying or in some real need of medical attention or just terribly terribly drunk and forgot to close the door, he shouldn't have to see you pee (or you see him pee for that matter), so I am on your side on this one.

    I did have a friend who's live-in boyfriend broke up with her and one of the reasons was that she insisted on peeing w/ the door open. She could not for her life understand what the issue was.

  2. I read a similar article once. But the article also said you should never get dressed in front of your partner because it takes the mystery out of the relationship. I'm wondering what mystery they're talking about, because if you've seen it once, you've seen it a thousand times.

    I think there might've also been something about never letting them see you get ready, again for the same lack of mystery reason... as if your partner had no idea how you looked without makeup. The whole thing was very puzzling and quite frankly if I have to pee, I'm going to pee no matter where he is, and if Patrick could only see me with makeup on all the time, I'd declare the relationship way more work than its worth!

    I'm not saying peeing is especially sexy but it's not like you're asking him to change your tampon for you or something. :X

    I apologize for the graphic nature of that last statement haha.

  3. The peeing in plain sight is a little too woo woo for me, yo. I can happily say that I have never witnessed Adam peeing, and I don't desire to ever witness it. AND he's never seen me pee. That being said I've peed in front of girls, mostly when drunk, and sometimes in some strange ally way in Korea, but that's another story!