People in the know probably think this is going to be a post about my sudden desire to take ballet class. (which I am going to start doing next week) Well people in the know, you are wrong. This post is about my sudden fascination with earthquakes. Actually, I'm not sure fascination is the correct word. "Obsessive about dying" in one might be more accurate.
Recently we had a mild earthquake out here. While jparks and I were actually pretty close to it, we felt nothing, yet our friends further away did. And even though it was very mild and caused no damage, it still got me thinking. And by thinking I mean, pissing my pants.
Before I get started let me say that, yes I know I should be excited about little earthquakes and not just because it was a great Tori Amos album, but because they release the built up tension and help ward off bigger earthquakes. I know all of this and yet I'm still terrified of earthquakes no matter what size they are.
So the other night we had that small earthquake and it got me thinking "Hey self, did you know you'll probably be killed in an earthquake. And self, if you don't die then you'll probably be trapped under a bookshelf and Lily will have to gnaw through your leg to free you. And she's got really tiny teeth, so that's going to take awhile." I thought maybe if I spoke to resident Californians about earthquakes they would help ease my mind, but that has not proven true at all.
One set of locals told me about how in the 1989 earthquake places were without power for awhile and how part of the Bay Bridge collapsed onto itself. (I refuse to drive across it) At no point in time did they ease my mind, but thankfully nothing they said was new information.
Then I tried another set of locals and that's when things turned ugly. The words that have done me in are "In an earthquake you are either the squish-er or the squish-ee." Guess what folks, I'M A SQUISH-EE! Holy crap, I live on the bottom floor of a three story building. I. Will. Be. Squished.
Now at night, rather than sleep, I stare at the ceiling willing it not to fall on me in an earthquake. And when I'm not doing that, I picture the couple that lives above us crashing through it and flattening me with their bed, which I imagine to be a four post one that will impale me on one of the posts. Then I immediately go back to willing the ceiling not to fall. In short, I'm having trouble sleeping at night.
And I'm not just obsessing at night. At work I'm on the second floor. This means I'm a squish-er and a squish-ee. I'm going to die while squishing another person. It's almost enough to make me quit, but then I would just be hanging out in my apartment all day where I'll die a squish-ee. At least dying at work I'm earning money so I'll die dressed nicely and in good shoes.
I need to find a new hobby quick.