Wednesday, May 9, 2007

on needing to pee (I'm so tired)

The last time I peed outside, in public, when I wasn't camping, was during Mardi Gras, 2003. Before that, Mardi Gras, 1997. But last night I was seconds, MERE SECONDS, away from squatting next to my car and using Kleenex as toilet paper in the parking lot of AT&T Park. In my defense, the parking lot was really empty and if I squatted on the passenger side of my car no one would have seen me. Also, I REALLY NEEDED TO PEE. really.

The fatal error occurred when, after drinking a can of diet coke, I left* the office with a bottle of water in my hand and did not stop at the bathroom on my way out. I am well aware of the fact that I can't get into the ballpark until 5:15. I should have known I would arrive at 5:00 and would be left standing outside for 15 minutes. I should have known diet coke+water=explosive bladder. But I am stupid.

One time, while driving from NOLA to Austin, jparks asked me to pull over so he could pee. There wasn't anywhere to stop so I kept going. After a minute he started yelling "IF YOU DON'T PULL OVER NOW I'M GOING TO PISS BLOOD" That's when I knew he was serious. I never understood that feeling and then yesterday I totally got it. When I got out of the car, I still had this walk to make and I wasn't sure if I could do it. The spot next to my car was looking mighty appealing at that point. I decided to push my luck and wait until I got into the ball park.

Each step sucked. I cursed the whole way. When I finally got to the doors, I had to stand and wait another few minutes before entering. If jparks had been there, I probably would have apologized for not pulling over that day on our road trip. When I finally made it inside and to a bathroom it was glorious. G.L.O.R.I.O.U.S. I never knew peeing could be such a relief.

Sorry folks, I've been too busy with work to have anything interesting happen to me lately. Nearly peeing outside is all I've got.

*I'm so tired that I actually typed leaved instead of left and had to go back and correct it


  1. Hmm I remember being in a group lectured by a certain group of camp administration for peeing outside.... ;)

  2. Yeah, that was totally the pot calling the kettle black. Socks peed outside more than anyone else. Of course, she also fell down th steps at the mess hall and did something to her kidneys, so she had an excuse.

  3. that walk to the latrine was entirely too long in the middle of the night