The last time I peed outside, in public, when I wasn't camping, was during Mardi Gras, 2003. Before that, Mardi Gras, 1997. But last night I was seconds, MERE SECONDS, away from squatting next to my car and using Kleenex as toilet paper in the parking lot of AT&T Park. In my defense, the parking lot was really empty and if I squatted on the passenger side of my car no one would have seen me. Also, I REALLY NEEDED TO PEE. really.
The fatal error occurred when, after drinking a can of diet coke, I left* the office with a bottle of water in my hand and did not stop at the bathroom on my way out. I am well aware of the fact that I can't get into the ballpark until 5:15. I should have known I would arrive at 5:00 and would be left standing outside for 15 minutes. I should have known diet coke+water=explosive bladder. But I am stupid.
One time, while driving from NOLA to Austin, jparks asked me to pull over so he could pee. There wasn't anywhere to stop so I kept going. After a minute he started yelling "IF YOU DON'T PULL OVER NOW I'M GOING TO PISS BLOOD" That's when I knew he was serious. I never understood that feeling and then yesterday I totally got it. When I got out of the car, I still had this walk to make and I wasn't sure if I could do it. The spot next to my car was looking mighty appealing at that point. I decided to push my luck and wait until I got into the ball park.
Each step sucked. I cursed the whole way. When I finally got to the doors, I had to stand and wait another few minutes before entering. If jparks had been there, I probably would have apologized for not pulling over that day on our road trip. When I finally made it inside and to a bathroom it was glorious. G.L.O.R.I.O.U.S. I never knew peeing could be such a relief.
Sorry folks, I've been too busy with work to have anything interesting happen to me lately. Nearly peeing outside is all I've got.
*I'm so tired that I actually typed leaved instead of left and had to go back and correct it