Sunday, June 3, 2007

so non-magical they are basically muggles

Mary-Lynn once spoke of magic pants. Magic pants are ones that seem to fit perfectly no matter what shoes you wear, or if you put on a couple of pounds. Ones that you can wear out to your local bar or to the office. Ones you can always count on to boost your ego and make you feel incredible.

I used to have a pair of magic pants, but recently they were retired thanks to a hole in the bum area. No pants have stepped up to take their place, but one of my pairs of jeans have made it clear that they want to be the exact opposite of magic pants. They want to be evil, mean, cruel pants.

These jeans never fit. Never. No matter how much weight I lose or how toned I get, these jeans still give me the sexy muffin top look. I like to pull them out of the closet on days when I'm feeling skinny and have them deflate my ego. I can't wear them with flats or with heels because the length is not right for either.

Basically these pants hate me, and mock me every chance they get. And yet I can't get rid of them. I recently did a purge of my closet, getting rid of all the clothes that have gotten too big or just didn't fit right. And, even knowing how much trouble these jeans cause, I decided to hang on to them.

The reason I can't get rid of them is because tomorrow morning I start Boot Camp and I feel like this might finally help me win my battle against these jeans. These jeans will be the motivating factor helping me out of bed at 5:45 in the morning. The inspiration I need to go out and run and crunch and jump and pushup when other people are still snug in bed.

Well, those jeans and the fact that I need to wear a bathing suit in 24 days. That's equally as motivating.


  1. Evil jeans should be recycled to some other unsuspecting soul so they can impart their evil on them. My advice is to get rid of them immediately, b/c they sound like they were designed for someone with a completely different body type. And then go buy some jeans that make you feel skinny :-)

  2. Linda has it. Unless they are Magic Pants (tm) now, they will never be magic pants. They'll only be Disappointing Pants. The problem isn't you, it's the pants.

    Bootcamp. Jesus.