Saturday, June 30, 2007

things I've learned in Maui thus far

  • Men here love Speedos. Particularly men that are at least 60 years old. And 60 pounds over weight.

  • The beach doesn't totally suck. Unless you get cocky on your boogie board and stop paying attention to the waves. Then the ocean gives you a sand enema and that does suck.

  • Just washing your hair once does not get the sand off your scalp. And sand on my scalp itches which makes me scratch at head so much that others look at me like I have lice.

  • I was worried about wearing a bathing suit. This should not have been a concern as many woman here where bikinis that should not wear bikinis and whenever I feel bad I just look at them. Instantly I feel much better about my tankini.

  • Maui onions give jparks gas. Horrible gas that makes me force him to sit on the balcony of our hotel room

  • I thought all that damn sunscreen would keep me from getting burned. I was wrong, nothing shall keep me from getting burned.

  • Mai tais are not what I thought they were, but are still good excellent. I've had one at almost every meal so far. I say almost because having one with breakfast seems like a bad idea, although I might try it one morning.


    1. Have you noticed nobody's commented since you left for Hawaii? Ha ha ha ha ha. I guess not posting is better than just posting UGH, YOU BITCH!!! I love the sand enema comment. And have you been too busy to come to the NOLA board and laugh at Pam? I was SO awaiting your snarky comment on her good news. Enjoy the rest of your trip! Jennifer

    2. You know, I'm sitting here all tired and pukey and you have to bring the visual of old fat men in speedos. SO first I will puke, and second I will have vivid nightmares of old fat men in speedos, except I am sure that my hormone addled brain will also make them hairy. *shudder*
      Also! Have fun!

    3. things i've noticed in maui:

      -there's a lot of edamame on menus
      -the food & drinks are super expensive, but HEY! you're on vacation
      -the people that live there are effing weirdos! (try not to talk to your waitstaff, they'll freak you out with their island fever)
      -after staying a week, i'm DYING to get back to the Bay Area.
      -all the shops sell the same damn things
      -maui is filled with old people & young children

    4. The food and drinks are crazy expensive. I think that's where we spent most of our money, in restaurants.