Tuesday, November 6, 2007

just a normal workplace conversation

me: "You know, I didn't find CostCo to be all that"

boss: "Really, why?"

"Well, they don't have the kind of toilet paper I like. I'm very loyal to my brands and I like my normal toilet paper."

"Really, their toilet paper selection offended you?"

"No, their lack of toilet paper selection offended me. I like what I like. I have a discriminating butt. Jparks too"


"And they didn't have the cat litter my cats like either."

"Wow, your household is really devoted to its poop routine, isn't it."

"You know, I never thought about it but I guess we are."


  1. "Meetings" are essential to all households and businesses. Why treat your butt to anything less than the best?

  2. Yes, but I will attest to the fact that Kirkland paper towels are THE BOMB-DIGGITY. I can only assume that their toilet paper would be the wiping-based equivalent to winning the Mega-Millions after your debut album goes to #1 on the Billboard Top 20 due to publicity from the time you saved all those orphans and puppies from Hitler's zombie.


  3. Matt, I did buy the Kirkland brand paper towels and so far I am pleased. Pleased but not won over. I didn't dare buy the Kirkland toilet paper out of fear. What if my butt rejected it? Then I would be stuck with a trunk load of useless toilet paper. Does Goodwill accept donations of t.p.?

  4. The paper towels are merely the beginning! Soon the siren song of their insanely huge sea salt grinder will wreck the ship of your tastebuds on the rocks, as surely were it a lorelei made of nothing but pure NaCl.

    Then the other spices. Then the green tea. And then it begins.

    Soon you will find their toilet paper, as Hamlet might say, in the very secret places of fortune herself.

  5. I do have to say that we don't like their TP either. Nor their kitty litter. However we have on occasion bought the Kirkland TP and it's irritating. It's not that soft, and it comes wrapped in a huge package, then each roll is wrapped in paper, and since there are so many of them, there is NO ROOM under your sink for other (maybe girly) things. So then those things have to go somewhere else, more visble and then people can see, and they know that you're a girl! It's horrible.
    But there are so many other wonderful things at Costco. The salt grinders are great! Oh so many wonderful things....