Saturday, November 17, 2007

recipe for an upset stomach

You'll need the following:

1 person
1 pizza
1 order of bread sticks
3 little to go tubs of ranch dressing
a pinch of stupidity

1. Get your person really hungry. Preferably have them do 3 hours of exercise with no snacks.
2. Order them a pizza, and while you're at it why not get some bread sticks too!
3. Have the hungry person, who is probably not thinking clearly, go pick up the food.
4. Make sure the pizza place gives them permission to take as much ranch dressing for dipping as they need.
5. Once home, allow hungry person to eat bread sticks until they can't eat anymore. Once they reach "full" remind them that they have pizza they haven't touched.
6. Watch the person eat a piece of pizza. They may seem skeptical and look like they know this is a bad idea, but that won't stop them.
7. Allow a little bit of time to go by (probably about 4 hours). Place bread sticks back in front of them. Don't forget the ranch!
8. Encourage the person to eat way more bread sticks than they even thought they could.
9. Watch as the person realizes that they have consumed almost all of the medium pizza sized order of bread sticks. Don't they look a bit ill?
10. Now point out that two tubs of ranch dressing are also missing.
11. And remind them of the greasy, gooey cheese on the bread sticks.
12. Don't let them forget that they ate some pizza too.
13. Viola! Your person should now be curled up on the floor in the fetal position, clutching at their stomach, while moaning incoherently. Job well done!


  1. Before #9 I was quite envious of you. Pizza and ranch is my most favorite combo.

  2. Hee hee, Adam and I enacted this same routine earlier this week. I think he ate about 2 handfuls of tums that night.
    However right now? I want pizza.