I have food poisoning. This means that when jparks comes home from work I'm going to have him take me out back and put me down, because I do not want to continue on for another second feeling like this. I'm a pretty seasoned puker, but this is unlike anything I have experienced before. My stomach feels like it's tied in knots and even water won't stay put. I think my body has rid itself of anything that was lingering in my intestinal tract from the past ten years. Crap came out that I don't remember ever eating. Delightful, isn't?
Since I haven't moved from my bed all day, except to go to the bathroom, I've been entertaining myself with a Top Chef marathon and google searching "food poisoning". Perhaps looking that up was not the best idea since I've now learned that a common type of food poisoning comes from contamination with feces. Poop! I might have eaten poop! Oh my god, kill me now. In all fairness it could have been caused by some bad meat but my coworker, who had lunch with me yesterday and is also sick today, had beef while I had pork. I'm thinking all signs point to poop!
And to make you all feel extra sorry for me here's a picture:
All together now, "awwww"