Friday, November 30, 2007


I wore 30 different pairs of shoes this month.

  • 12 pairs were mary janes. I obviously have an obsession.

  • the last two pairs have yet to be posted, but I assure you I never repeated shoes and the last two are mary janes number 11 and 12

  • 3 pairs were ballet flats. Not quite as obsessive as the mj's, but I'm working on that

  • I'm surprised by how boring most of this month's shoes have been. I think I was worried that if I wore all my favorite shoes at random I would get to the end of the month with only boring shoes left to wear. Instead I went the opposite direction.

  • I could go another 2 months, at least, without repeating shoes

  • that last bullet point made jparks cry

  • I found a bunch of shoe twins

  • Someone wore a pair of shoes that I am helplessly in love with but are not available in stores.

  • I only had to block one weird person that wanted to know how my feet smell. yeaah

  • no pink shoes were worn. Sorry Tracy and Whitney!
  • Thursday, November 29, 2007

    picking the impossible

    I am feeling a bit under the weather today. Actually I'm feeling worse than under the weather, I'm feeling like I was plowed over by a steamroller that the weather was driving. I even called the doctor to make an appointment but, of course, no appointments were to be had. He phoned in a z pack for me but have yet to take the first pills. If I take the pills then I can't drink at the office party tomorrow night but if I don't take the pills then I might not feel well enough to go to the office party. It's like Sophie's Choice. How can I make this decision? It is IMPOSSIBLE.

    And since I'm feeling pretty tired and not quite right, I'll leave you with a list:

  • This website kills me. Maybe it's because I imagine Tangi and Molly balanced on the edge of the toilet while jparks waits his turn

  • we booked Lily on our flight back to NOLA for the holidays. If you didn't care about seeing jparks or me before then maybe the promise of Lily will change your mind

  • do you know how hard it is to find someone to redesign your blog? I contacted a couple of designers and said "Halp! I have the moneys for the paying!" but none of them ever replied. Did I offend them by asking them to redesign my dinky little blog? Can't money buy you everything except love? Why can't it buy me a new blog? grumble.

  • Wednesday, November 28, 2007

    and it needs to match my dress

    On Friday night I'm going to Lauren's work's holiday party as her date. And do you know what dates get? Dates get corsages! I think if I keep pushing enough she'll give in. I mean how could you not want to see me wearing this on my wrist: clicky here. Seriously, isn't it the most amazing, festive, breath-taking thing you've ever seen? I would be the belle of the ball wearing it.

    The party is a casino night/karaoke/Dance Party USA thing and I am so totally excited for it. I've never been to real office casino night party. And I've only been to karaoke things in the Quarter when everyone is so drunk that you have to watch the video the next day to see that you were really there. This party has the potential to fulfill all of my dreams of what a true work holiday party can be.

    But only if I get the damn corsage.

    Tuesday, November 27, 2007

    There's gonna be a throw down

    Chris Sanders (who sucks! LOSER!): "So are you two gonna get Guitar Hero for Wii? 'cause we are. And we're gonna kick y'alls ass."


    Loser: "indeed"

    me: "Dang it, jparks sucks at Guitar Hero. Can I sub in a player?"

    Loser: "only if they're an existing member of the household with opposable thumbs."

    me: "I'll have to get him playing more often. Because we aren't losers."

    Loser: "yet"

    Can I just tell you guys that never before have I not wanted jparks on my team, but right now I would throw him under the freaking train for Lauren. Hey Lauren, you wanna move in?

    Monday, November 26, 2007

    a case of the mondays

    Is there really any need for me to explain why Mondays suck? Does anyone out there actually like Mondays? Can we all agree that Mondays following holiday weekends are the worst?

    Bad Monday Thing 1. I got up extra early this morning to finish a work project that I should have completed over the weekend, but forgot about. Then my laptop was being a bitch so I had to actually sit at my desk and work. That's double punishment for being a slacker.

    BMT 2. I got to the office, only to realize that I had a game tonight. And that game days mean going in late. Which means I could have slept in and completed my project after the sun came up. Also, I was not dressed to see clients as I was in jeans and motorcycle boots.

    BMT 3. Pulled up to a red light and the guy next to me pointed at my passenger side tire and made the international symbol for "your tire is flat!" Turns out I had a nail in it. The thing is that yesterday I thought my car was driving kinda like I had a low tire but I didn't check. You know, because that would have been the smart thing to do.

    BMT 4. Got to Wheel Works and found out this is the 4th nail I've had in my tires in a year. How many plugs can tires have before they just explode? Perhaps I should stop driving around construction yards looking for hot pieces of ass. I think that's where I keep getting nailed.

    BMT 5. I wore a thin-ish shirt with a thin-ish bra. I kept everyone updated about the temperature all day.

    BMT 6. Since the tire place had my car there was no afternoon coffee for me. And we all know how chipper I am when I miss a caffeine dose.

    BMT 7. Kevin DuBrow was found dead. WHY GOD WHY?!? I'm going to mourn in my own way, light a candle and softly sing "Cum On Feel the Noize"

    Sunday, November 25, 2007

    but what about the shoes?

    You may have noticed (assuming anyone other than me is paying attention) that no new shoe pictures have been posted since 11.20.07. What can I say, I'm a slacker. I've been taking the pictures but I've just been too darn busy to move the pictures from the sd card to the computer. But I promise I haven't repeated any shoes and I will get the pictures posted, probably tomorrow.

    It's funny how hard this year's NaBloPoMo and NoBloShoeMo. In the past few days I've had to let one of these projects slide and, since I knew I could catch up on the shoes with no repercussions, they were the ones that went on temporary hiatus. And while ditching the daily shoe upload did allow me to only worry about blog posts this hasn't really help me find content. If anything I should have been posting the shoe pics and talking about them, rather than boring everyone with reasons why my pets are awesome.

    Thankfully this month is almost over and I only have 5 days left to fill with words and pictures. Hopefully I'll have some great revelation about content or else you'll be treated to 5 more days of me basically type rambling. It's like regular rambling, but without all the ums and uhs.

    Saturday, November 24, 2007

    part 3 of 3

    Reasons why Molly is my favorite:
  • she knew me when I was in my early 20's and still likes me

  • she's on prozac. It's a pain, but it makes her special in my book

  • she really doesn't like anyone other than me

  • she pretends that the other animals don't exist

  • she has zero interest in human food, so I never have to chase her away from my dinner

  • she'll have conversations with me (no, I'm not a nutjob. She'll meow responses to me if I talk to her

  • Friday, November 23, 2007

    post-thanksgiving wrap up

    I survived my first time hosting Thanksgiving, although it was questionable if I was going to make it towards the end. Apparently, staying up until 1am cooking sides and then getting up at 6am to put the turkey in the oven, was not a good plan. And did you know that it's a myth that the turkey takes HOURS AND HOURS to roast? In reality, a 22.59lb bird only takes about 3.5 to 4 hours to cook. So basically I got up at the crack of dawn for nothing.

    Oh, and I cooked the bird with the baggie of giblets in it. Totally not my fault! Before brining, I tried to reach into the bird's ass to remove the extra bits, but then decided that I wasn't feeling up to groping around the cavity, so I put jparks in charge of the job. He reached in, removed the neck, and then claimed that he didn't feel anything else. I kept insisting that there had to be more, but he assured me that there wasn't. Jump ahead to the next day when, after carving the bird, a plastic baggie was discovered. Not surprisingly it contained some cooked giblets. I was totally embarrassed, but also impressed that the bag hadn't melted. I guess turkey farms have gotten smart to how stupid some people are (read as: me and jparks) and are using melt-proof baggies.

    All in all, I think the day was a success. We ended up having more food than could fit on the table and now have leftovers to last another week. The house handled having 13 people in it and no one seemed to mind having to balance their plate on their laps. It might not have been the traditional Thanksgiving people are used to, but I still think everyone had fun.

    In closing, I would like to share some pearls of wisdom I learned from the day:
  • Make a list of the dishes you would like to make. When you think you have enough food, remove at least one item from your list. I promise, you will still have enough food (possibly even too much), but one less container to clean.

  • jparks and I hate cleaning. We need a regular cleaning crew.

  • Making cranberry sauce is super easy and the recipe can be made up as you go.

  • There is no one that can resist deviled eggs

  • Although goat cheese covered in sundried tomatoes and basil is totally resistible

  • Not only do turkeys cook relatively quickly, but they continue to cook once removed from the oven. Thankfully the white meat was fine, but the dark meat was not tender. In fact it was jerky like.

  • But most people don't like dark meat, so it was fine

  • And cats and dogs don't care if the meat is tough

  • Post Thanksgiving clean up is way worse than Pre-Thanksgiving clean up. What I said about needing a cleaning crew is now doubly true.

  • Screw shopping on Black Friday if you hosted the day before. Just give into what your body needs: sleeping late, waking up to a husband going to get you coffee, and a manicure/pedicure appointment.

  • If you are the hostess forget about taking any pictures. I'm not certain I even got one picture of the turkey. So upsetting.

  • Don't go to Target the night before Thanksgiving because you need a little break from cooking. You'll end up buying legwarmers. And then you'll put them on when you get home and decide that you love them. And you'll consider wearing them outside of your house. And a friend will have to talk you down from that. It's really a bad situation that's totally avoidable.
  • Thursday, November 22, 2007

    i'm thankful for my husband

    jparks was swiffer wet jetting the floors this morning (the cleaning crew didn't show up yesterday as planned)

    "I hate cleaning the floors! I'm no good at it! This sexy body was not built for housework!"

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Wednesday, November 21, 2007

    barely making my deadline

    It is 11:48pm and this is the first time I've sat down since 3pm. Thus far I've made:

  • sweet potato pie

  • green bean casserole (have always hated it, will always hate it)

  • dirty rice

  • mirliton casserole

  • candied yams

  • Why did that short list take me that long? I haven't a clue. These people coming tomorrow better recognize my mad skillz.

    sigh, so tired. tiiiiiirrrreeed.

    Tuesday, November 20, 2007

    part 2 of 3

    Reasons why Lily is my favorite:

  • She's so dang cute

  • She's famous

  • She tolerates wearing ridiculous outfits simply for my amusement

  • She's got so much attitude stuffed into her little 3 pound body that I'm always amazed she hasn't exploded

  • she won't settle in for the night until she licks jparks' head

  • and sometimes she licks her butt before licking his head

  • when someone knocks on the door, she barks like she's actually got any bite to her

  • although sometimes she does have bite. It usually starts with jparks pissing her off and ends with bloodshed on his part

  • she thinks she's a cat. no, really, she does

  • Monday, November 19, 2007

    part 1 of 3

    Reasons why Tangi is my favorite:

  • she's got short legs and that amuses me

  • she plays fetch. Seriously, how awesome is that!?!

  • I can truthfully say she used to live in a van down by the river. (if by van I mean sandbar)

  • she drools when she's happy

  • she doesn't want attention often but when she does it's really sweet and, dammit, you better comply or there's no guarantee you won't end up bloody

  • she's moody. One minute she's loving you, the next she's torn your hand off. Probably because you weren't petting her correctly

  • she loves splaying out on the floor like this. We call it her bear trap pose because she's just waiting for you to rub her belly so she can attack

  • she photographs well

  • she does this thing where she hangs her front paws over the edge of things

  • she gets lost in our house and walks around crying until you call for her

  • because she came from my girl scout camp, which explains why she's loony, but makes her extra special with the best "how I got her" story

  • Sunday, November 18, 2007

    practically perfect in every way

    Today jparks and I started cleaning and organizing for Thanksgiving. This means that he aimed a can of spray paint at my shoes and threaten to use it if I didn't unpack the last four boxes from the move. Because, yes, 3 1/2 months post move I was still staring at four rather large boxes in my office. Why unpack them when my feet rest so nicely on the top? Apparently jparks did not feel the same way and I am now down to two boxes. The plan is to have them totally emptied and gone by Wednesday when the real cleaning crew comes.

    While I was dealing with the boxes, jparks was micromanaging me hanging pictures and breaking light fixtures. shhh, don't tell him I told you that last part. He claims the previous inhabitants of this house broke it and he just fell prey to how it was "fixed". Don't you like how the blame went somewhere other than on him. Just like when he hung three pictures next to each other and then decided the middle one was slightly off. This was, of course, not his fault. The blame fell on the middle frame which, according to jparks, is slimmer and taller than the other two, identical frames.

    Sometimes it's hard being married to the World's Most Perfect Man. But I figure someone's got to do it otherwise the women of the world would just follow jparks everywhere. Those not following and throwing themselves at him would just sit all day and fantasize about how rugged, manly and perfect he is. Men, unable to get dates, would spend days wondering how they could be more like him, why they can't seem to achieve the same level of perfection that he has. See, I'm taking the grenade for the rest of the world.

    You're welcome.

    Saturday, November 17, 2007

    recipe for an upset stomach

    You'll need the following:

    1 person
    1 pizza
    1 order of bread sticks
    3 little to go tubs of ranch dressing
    a pinch of stupidity

    1. Get your person really hungry. Preferably have them do 3 hours of exercise with no snacks.
    2. Order them a pizza, and while you're at it why not get some bread sticks too!
    3. Have the hungry person, who is probably not thinking clearly, go pick up the food.
    4. Make sure the pizza place gives them permission to take as much ranch dressing for dipping as they need.
    5. Once home, allow hungry person to eat bread sticks until they can't eat anymore. Once they reach "full" remind them that they have pizza they haven't touched.
    6. Watch the person eat a piece of pizza. They may seem skeptical and look like they know this is a bad idea, but that won't stop them.
    7. Allow a little bit of time to go by (probably about 4 hours). Place bread sticks back in front of them. Don't forget the ranch!
    8. Encourage the person to eat way more bread sticks than they even thought they could.
    9. Watch as the person realizes that they have consumed almost all of the medium pizza sized order of bread sticks. Don't they look a bit ill?
    10. Now point out that two tubs of ranch dressing are also missing.
    11. And remind them of the greasy, gooey cheese on the bread sticks.
    12. Don't let them forget that they ate some pizza too.
    13. Viola! Your person should now be curled up on the floor in the fetal position, clutching at their stomach, while moaning incoherently. Job well done!

    Friday, November 16, 2007

    enquiring minds want to know

    Here in my office building each floor has its own set of bathrooms, one women's room with several stalls, and a men's room with a couple of stalls and a urinal (I assume because I'm not quite ballsy ((Heh, ballsy get it?)) to go in there to check). The other women that work on my floor use the bathroom on our floor. None of us walk up or down the stairs unless we are out of toilet paper, or someone has pooped ALL OVER THE TOILETS, which was the case last week. (Seriously, on the toilets not in them. It was really quite the amazing feat)

    But the boys are a different story, it's not uncommon to see them walk to another floor to use the bathroom. At first I thought they were just doing this when they have to drop the kids off at the pool but, unless they all have kids that like to go to the pool multiple times daily, I think they do this whenever they go to the bathroom.

    I'm so baffled by this behavior. Is there some kind of universally understood man law that all men must use the bathroom furtherest from them? Are they worried that some one in their office will go the bathroom at the same time and see their man parts? Can't they just use a stall if that's the case?

    So come on boys, fess up. Why are all of the men in my building doing this? Do you all do this? Do you enjoy hiking to the bathroom? Does it give you extra time to load the cannons so once you get there you can fire at will?

    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    I can't imagine a better reason to have kids

    jparks (after folding clothes for maybe 3 minutes. maybe): "I'm sooo tired of folding clothes. I've been doing this for hours. Can we hire someone to do our laundry for us?"

    me: "Well, we could or we could have a kid and make it do the laundry for us."

    "That doesn't seem right, a kid can't do our laundry."

    "No, not for about 6 years, but after that we get 12 years of laundry-free living"

    "But for 6 years we have to do its laundry"

    "Yeah, but in the end we win."

    Wednesday, November 14, 2007


    Have you ever wanted something so totally stupid that you just couldn't bring yourself to actually buy it? Like if you shelled out money for it you would automatically be branded an idiot and all the world would mock you? That's how I feel about this avocado slicer. I have no idea why I need it, but I do. Yes, I could slice an avocado with a knife but why would I when such a fine tool is made specifically for the job?

    The real desire for this kitchen tool came about when Ms. Martha Stewart added it to her Macy's line of products. Before she had it, the avocado slicer was just another gimmicky "As Seen On Tv" item and I could rational not buying it. "It's got it's own infomercial, and nothing on an infomercial is good." But damn that Martha, she has it in her line and now I neeeed it.

    I was at Macy's today buying some Thanksgiving supplies and I saw the avocado slicer. I picked it up, walked around with it for a few minutes, and then put it back. As I put it back I thought "I can't buy this, Alton Brown would be so disappointed. It's a uni-tasker." At some point in time I'll decide that wanting perfectly sliced avocados is more important to me than Alton's approval.

    Some day dear avocado slicer, some day you will be mine. Until then, I'll see you in my dreams.

    Tuesday, November 13, 2007

    follow up

    In case you people think I'm kidding about bad stuff happening in the mornings let me show you the drawer that I broke getting out of the shower this morning:


    It's not totally broken-broken just kind of broken. The track is bent and I'm hoping the track in the cabinet isn't bent too. (although I suspect it might be)

    The lesson in this is, don't piss me off or I'll come stay the night at your house and in the morning bad shit will happen. And you don't want that, now do you?

    Monday, November 12, 2007

    not morning compliant

    I've never been a morning person, but lately that has been a gross understatement. For some reason, lately no matter how early I go to bed or how well I sleep, morning comes and kicks my ass like a mofo. I wake up grumpy, snap at jparks, grumble a lot under my breath, drink an asinine amount of espresso, and then take forever to get ready for work, all for no good reason. And even after leaving the house, I'm still not quite right until around 10:30am.

    Besides all the general pissyness I express first thing in the morning, I've also noticed that bad things tend to happen. Things like forgetting my wallet at home, losing my wallet, falling down the stairs, or getting a red light violation for only pausing when I turned right on a red. You know what, in my book a rolling stop IS A STOP. It's right there in its name.

    I think the only logical solution to this morning problem is to no longer get up before 10am. First step in making this happen is to quit my job. Then I'll have to teach jparks to get out of bed without waking me up. Next, I'll build some stairs up to the bed so Lily stops whining because she jumped down only to realize that "hey, this ground isn't warm like up there. I waaaant baaaaccck upppp". And, finally, I'm going to have to blackout my bedroom window, because whoever sold me this house didn't tell me that the sun shines through that thing like the Eye of Sauron first thing in the morning and wakes you by burning your retinas through your closed eyelids.

    Or I could just try to figure out why I'm not sleeping well and how I can become more rested. But that just seems too simple.

    Sunday, November 11, 2007


    As we all know I've been taking pictures of my shoes every day this month and posting them on flickr. And up until today I've only had nice people comment about my various pairs. Nice people without foot fetishes. Nice people that don't make me hate the internets.

    Okay, let's back up. I posted this picture today:

    I posted it in the NoBloPoMo group, which is not a fetish group. I did not give it any tags that would indicate I want fetish people to look at it. This was supposed to be a totally innocent picture. And yet I got a comment on it that was not innocent.

    I've since blocked that particular flickr user and, by doing that, all of their comments have been deleted. But I know what the comments were and I'm still totally creeped out. I have nothing against people with foot/shoe fetishes but ugh, leave me alone!

    Saturday, November 10, 2007

    I try to understand him, but sometimes it's impossible

    me: "You remember that Aimee Mann concert I went to last year? Well, she's coming back and I got you a ticket if you want to go."

    jparks: "Was that the concert you went to with Laura and you guys were in the forest?"

    "I don't know what concert you're talking about. I was in a forest?"

    "Yeah, you went to see Aimee Mann, in the forest and you sat on a hill with the elves."


    "Yeah, remember?"

    "I remember going to see Aimee Mann with Lauren in Stern's Grove and we met Laura there. But there were no elves. And it really wasn't a forest."

    "Yeah, that's the one! There were elves and hippies there!"

    "There might have been hippies, but I don't really remember any elves."

    "Elves, hippies, same thing."

    "Um, yeah. Sure. But that's still not the Aimee Mann concert I was talking about. I was talking about the one at Bimbo's"

    "ohhh, Bimbos! Will there be a bunch of bimbo's there, because that would be awesome!"


    Friday, November 9, 2007

    date night!

    This has been a really long week for jparks and I. His team announced their project this past Monday and that meant many days of going into the office at 8am and not coming home until 1am. And, since I'm not one to sit at home, I signed up for some extra circus classes this week and had to work some nights too. This means we saw each other for about 28 seconds on Wednesday night and then maybe another 46 second this morning. And that was it FOR THE WHOLE WEEK. In fact, we've seen each other so little of each other that I was a bit shocked when I walked into the bathroom this morning and there was a man in my shower. Hello and Good Morning!

    So, in order to secure some time with my husband, I sent him an email stating that I've declared it date night and booked a table for two at a nearby restaurant. (I also might have threaten to kick his boss's ass if jparks pussed out on me) I'm not saying which restaurant because jparks will read this and it'll ruin the surprise. But I will tell you that's it's close to an Apple Store because, dang it, date night WILL include me getting a new MacBook.

    I hope that our lives calm down a tiny bit in the next few weeks. I'm not sure how long jparks can work on such a crazy schedule without burning out. And I'm not sure how long I can handle having him basically live at Google. I mean, I do get some comfort from my loneliness in the form of shoes, but that can only last a girl so long. Although, shoes could probably last this girl a really really long time.

    Thursday, November 8, 2007


    Since September I've been a member of a flickr group called the Working Closet. We take pictures of what we wear every day and post them for all the world to see. It's honestly more exciting than it sounds, I swear.

    So I've been uploading self portraits for a couple of months now and it's become a running joke that I don't smile. If I were a LOLcat I would be "serious regan does not approve". And I have no good reason for why I'm not smiling.

    The frowning started strong here:
    fair isle

    Looked like it might start to turn into a smile here:

    Diverted into sarcasm here:

    And then went right back to pissed here:
    these colors scream fall to me

    I never really thought of myself as unhappy person, but these pictures sure do a fine job of making me seem like one.

    So, because I don't have enough freaking goals for this month (one blog post per day! A different pair of shoes every day!), I'm adding another one to the mix. I want to take one picture of me smiling. One picture! Surely that can't be too much to ask.

    Yeah, we'll see how this goes.

    Years ago I waited tables at Applebee's and my manager always told me I didn't smile enough. I always thought she was insane, but what do you know, she was right. Damn her. hmm, maybe my smile muscles are broken. Sometimes I think I'm smiling but it turns out I'm not. See, my smile muscles are broken. Or maybe I was born without any. Like a smile birth defect. I was born to be permanent gloomy girl. grumble.

    Wednesday, November 7, 2007

    I'm tired

  • The team jparks is on at Google has announced their super secret project. Finally. Hey jparks' bosses, when do I get my husband back?

  • I accidentally wore a very low cut shirt today with no cami under it. I also had a Brownie troop meeting today. It was not a good combination

  • Does anyone want to come over and be my personal litter box scooper? Or better yet, does anyone want two cats, slightly used?

  • Ew, not used in a sexual way. That's sick, you perv

  • You know what I bet is delicious? McDonald's Iced Coffee

  • You know I'm totally kidding, right? Although I would like to meet the person that thinks "I want an Iced Coffee and a Big Mac. Thank god my dream is now a reality."

  • Do they make self walking dogs? Is that an upgrade option for Lily? MTV, will you come pimp my dog?

  • My head hurts. Does ice cream cause headaches? Not like brain freeze, but actual headaches?

  • I'm asking about the ice cream randomly. I mean, I didn't just eat a half pint of it.

  • And I'm not thinking about going back for the other half of that pint.

  • mmm, ice cream.

  • Tuesday, November 6, 2007

    just a normal workplace conversation

    me: "You know, I didn't find CostCo to be all that"

    boss: "Really, why?"

    "Well, they don't have the kind of toilet paper I like. I'm very loyal to my brands and I like my normal toilet paper."

    "Really, their toilet paper selection offended you?"

    "No, their lack of toilet paper selection offended me. I like what I like. I have a discriminating butt. Jparks too"


    "And they didn't have the cat litter my cats like either."

    "Wow, your household is really devoted to its poop routine, isn't it."

    "You know, I never thought about it but I guess we are."

    Monday, November 5, 2007

    it all comes out in the wash

    Remember how two weeks ago I left my wallet at home? And it sucked and I was pissed and had to live off of Chex Mix for lunch? Well, can we go back to that time? Because, as of this morning, my wallet is gone. Gone, baby, gone.

    The jury is still out over whether it was stolen or not, but I can promise you that we searched high and low in the house for it, at the ass crack of dawn, and found nothing. Wait, that's a lie because we did find something. we found that a good time can be had looking for a wallet, at the ass crack of dawn (have I mentioned that?). What is especially fun is watching your wild animal of a husband literally rip the rooms apart, including moving furniture and dumping pile of clothes out of the hampers and leaving them strewn across the bedroom floor. At one point he called to me "Hey, come hold this mattress up!" and "Let's move this couch. Again." Dude, if it wasn't behind the couch the first time then it's still not there. Uh, I mean, I love you honey. Thanks for helping me look.

    After deciding that the wallet was not turning up, I got to cancel all of my credit cards, which was so much fun my body almost exploded. Boy, do I ever love credit card companies! They are so understanding and helpful when I asked for a replacement card faster than 7 to 10 business days. Their response of "I'm sorry but 7 to 10 business days is the fastest we can ship one out to you" was such a comforting lie that I feel great about not having access to any money for a week. I mean, who needs to have the option of buying lunch and putting gas in their car? NOT ME!


    So that first part was written while I was at work. Now I'm home and I can't even believe what I'm about to write.

    Jparks found my wallet. In the dishwasher.

    Yeah. The motherfucking dishwasher.

    I guess it fell in when I was loading the dishes and, not realizing that, I turned the machine on. I now have a wallet full of really clean, yet totally useless credit cards.

    I don't even know how to follow up this grand act of stupidity. Do I wash other very important things? Like maybe my cell phone. Or marriage license. Or do I just let jparks make fun of me from here to forever?

    Sheesh, even I amaze myself with how dumb I can be sometimes.

    Sunday, November 4, 2007


    Today, while vacuuming and doing the laundry I flipped a circuit breaker switch accidentally. This means no more house cleaning ever again. It's obviously too risky a chore because I was out of cable, internet, and power to a couple of rooms for a few minutes. MINUTES folks, that's like forever in no cable years.

    Also, the cats are out of food and I'm taking my sweet ass time refilling their bowl. I would move faster but they are so nice and loving when they want something that I'm kind of enjoying them not having food. They follow me around and become very vocal, in a sad pathetic sort of way. Plus they willingly let me pet them. Without biting me. Seriously, hungry cats are the best. I just better not cross the line from hungry, sweet cats to hungry, eat my face off cats. Eh, maybe I'll go fill their bowl now, I like having a face.

    Saturday, November 3, 2007

    my precious

    I'm not a particularly girly girl, but I'm not really a tomboy either. I do have a few stereotypical girl traits though: I love shoes, walking around the mall even if I don't need anything, and makeup. The shoes and mall thing make sense to me, but my obsession with makeup is an enigma.

    On a daily basis I wear little to no makeup. We all know of my recent discovery of mascara and other than that I maybe wear a little chapstick or, if I'm feeling saucy, some lip gloss. Woohoo, a hint of color! I am a crazy woman.

    But if I'm dropped into a Sephora than all hell breaks loose. I go into a trance and when I come to my senses again I've got a bag of makeup in my hands worth enough to feed a family of four for weeks. Maybe even months if one of the salesgirls has approached me offering help.

    Last year Sephora offered a Blockbuster Palette that made me feel tingly in my special place but before I could order one, they were out of stock and I was left to mope about, lamenting the fact that I did not have one. damn you Spehora and your poor planning! You and Nintendo should get together and laugh over how you like to not meet the needs of society.

    Well, imagine my surprise and excitement when they brought the palette back this year. With new colors! And a higher price tag! (figures. bitches.) I, of course, ordered one and then checked the tracking every day (multiple times each day) to watch my precious make its way across the country to my loving arms. Once it arrived I threw jparks out and the Palette and I had a few moments of alone time. It was all I was expecting and more.

    I've had it for a few days now and I'm kinda a bit nuts about it. It arrived on Wednesday and on Thursday and Friday I brought it to work with me. Yeah, really. It sat on my desk and stared at me all day. My bosses asked what it was and when I exclaimed "Makeup!" and then opened it to show them, they just looked at me like I was a lunatic. And maybe I am because I've yet to actually use any of the makeup in it.

    Right now it's so pretty and new I can't bring myself to drag a brush through any of it. I want it to stay perfect. I like looking at all of the little colors contained into their spots all perfectly untouched and fresh. I like how the lip glosses have perfectly smooth tops. And how the eye shadows haven't been accidentally touch by a brush with another color on it, contaminating the first color.

    I mean, look at this, doesn't it make you a bit randy:
    Sephora Blockbuster Palette


    the spread


    Seriously, I love it. And maybe tomorrow I'll actually use it. Yeah, tomorrow definitely.

    Friday, November 2, 2007

    I can has turkay?

    This year jparks and I are not going home for Thanksgiving. I am fairly buttsore about this, but I knew our trips back to NOLA would have to become less frequent once we bought the house. Stupid house

    What I've been debating is even though I can't go home does that mean that I have to skip having a traditional Thanksgiving meal? Can't I have some turkey and pumpkin pie like a normal person? Can't I stuff myself so full I pass out on the couch? Don't I at least deserve that?

    So here's what I'm thinking: Undead Easter, but at Thanksgiving and sans zombies. And more potluck-ish. I would happily make turkey and a dessert item and then have everyone bring over one Thanksgiving-y item. Are there any people that aren't going out of town that might be interested in doing this?

    Did I mention that we have a larger house now with more options for the sitting? And a bigger tv with surround sound for the watching of the movies? And a large coffee table for the playing of the games? And a cute dog for the petting?

    So, who's game for Outcast Thanksgiving?

    Thursday, November 1, 2007


    You know that kid in school that always waited until the night before the 20 page paper was due to start on it and then managed to still get an A+? That was totally me. Every time I got an assignment I swore that this would be the time I would get a head start and have the paper completed before the due date. I would make a timeline and stick to it for a day. Maybe less.

    I can tell that NaBloPoMo is going to be the same way. I sat at my desk all day today with my blog's "create new post" page open and couldn't come up with a damn thing to say. I even actually did work to avoid making a post.

    Did you want to hear about the impromptu Halloween party a friend of mine threw last night? Probably not. Did you want to hear about how it was great family planning on my part not to be home for the trick or treaters (you know because they are cute and would have made me want to have a kid)? Probably not. Do you care that a newspaper showed up on my porch this morning with "ARE YOU READY?" boldly printed across the top of it referring to earthquake preparedness? (The weird part? We don't get the newspaper. It's a sign!) Probably not. I had nothing.

    And I still have nothing but here you have it, my kick off for NaBloPoMo. My last minute submission. I so rock at staying on top of deadlines!

    This month is going to be painful.