Sunday, April 13, 2008


On Sundays I do my "long runs". Long run is in quotes because right now they are only 5 miles and when you're training to run 26 miles, 5 seem like nothing. Except that was not the mindset I should have had this morning. I should have associated 5 miles with a much more difficult task. Perhaps teaching Lily to perform the piano concerto no. 1 on one of those walk on pianos from Big. Or teaching jparks to sit still for 2 minutes. Both of those seem on par with running 5 miles.

The reason these 5 small miles were such a huge endeavor is that yesterday the Bay Area decided to say "fuck you" to spring and move right on to summer. A summer that rivals summer in hell. And I've been enjoying running in cool temperatures with long sleeved tops and no need for hydration packs. I mean, who knew that running in 50 degree weather was so much easier than running in 90 degree weather. I had NO IDEA.

(Those of you in the Bay Area going "It's not 90 degrees, you baby" Well let me tell you, on the trail that I was running, it was easily 90 degrees. Sun glaring down + black asphalt + no shade + running= 400 billion degrees but I'm rounding down to 90. Also, when I finally crawled back to my car, it said the temperature was 96 degrees. So suck it, it was hot.)

I did leave for my run in shorts instead of my normal spandex capris (what a great look that is) but I didn't have tank top to wear. I also don't have one of those hydration belts which can hold an iPod so you don't have to wear it in a sweat inducing arm band. I was so not prepared for this run and somehow I didn't realize this until way too late.

I got out to the trail, which for some unknown reason I thought would be shady, and started to run. I got a mile in and had to take a walk break. I noticed that I was kind of thirsty, but figured there had to be a water fountain at some point and I should keep going. After a quarter mile of walking I decided to pick up the pace and start running. Heh. That lasted half a mile. Back to walking.

I continued this run/walk pace for another mile. At this point I'm 2 miles from my car and haven't encountered a water fountain. What would a sane person do? Turn around, right? Not me! I kept going for another half mile because dammit, I was going to do 5 miles, if it killed me.

At 2.5 miles I turned around. I was still trying to run some, but at this point I was THIRSTY. Like, staring at the nasty creek that ran next to the trail and thinking about going down to it for a drink, thirsty. Hobo pee in it be damned, it looked refreshing. Somehow I managed to resist.

By mile 3 I had given up on running for the most part. Every couple of feet I would run a bit, but only enough to remind myself how dumb I am and then I went back to walking. At mile 4 I had totally given up on running and was just praying that I would make it back to my car where my water bottle was.

At mile 4.5 I was thinking about laying down on the trail and acting dead so maybe a biker would stop and offer me water. In my mind this seemed like a brilliant idea and I'm not sure why I didn't do it. I was so thirsty at this point that even the water bottle in my car didn't seem like enough. I was also hating everything at this point. I was hating the weather. The people on bikes that were flying past me. The hydration belt at the running store that wasn't wrapped around my waist. Jparks who was sitting on his ass at an air conditioned Google. The scoop of ice cream that wasn't in my belly.

I finally crawled back to my car, grabbed my water bottle, and spent the next few minutes making out with it. I was red faced (did I mention that I only put sunscreen on my legs? Yeah, because I. AM. DUMB.) and tired and ready to be home. Except when I got in my car and got on 101, I stopped paying attention and missed my exit. Nice.

Finally, after much cursing, I made it back home. I was so thirsty that I filled the bath tub, stuck a straw in it, and drained the whole damn thing.

Could this day get any worse? Yes, I am now off to complete online driver's ed. I would rather go back out and do another 5 miles.


  1. Before you run out and buy a hydration belt, you might want to see if you can borrow one from someone (I actually have an older version floating around my closet you can borrow...). In my opinion, they suck. They suck b/c if you have any kind of difference between your waist and your hips, you'll end up having to cinch that damn belt super tight around your stomach to keep it from bouncing around that it will be really uncomfortable and you'll end up wishing you'd just left it in the car. I'd recommend finding somewhere to run that has a water fountain or a place where you can stash some water bottles. And, yes, I agree that it totally sucks to run in 90 degree heat.

  2. That is exactly why I got a bicycle! You can also recruit some of your friends and start a bicycle gang and get patches. It's way more fun than shin splints, runner's nipple, heat stroke, and twisted ankles.

  3. This is why I don't run unless the cops are chasing me. I spent my afternoon knocking down pints of Guinness and watching the fog come in, and it was 55 degrees when we left the city. Also, it was easily 90 degrees on pavement today.

  4. Regan, I just started reading your blog & I have to say that it is beyond entertaining. You are hilarious!

  5. Summer is gonna suck for you hardcore!!
    I'll still cheer you on though!

  6. 96? Really? It's like, 60 in Texas. Also, you are funny.

  7. See, Kathy knows what's goin' on! My gang here is The Squirrel Club. We don't have patches yet, but we do have some kick ass pencils with plastic squirrels on top instead of erasers. Oh, and there are only three of us. But I swear we're vicious, grr.