Sunday, June 1, 2008

I blame the shoes!

Last month two friends of ours eloped and last night was the wedding reception. So there we were at this lovely wedding reception and what do I do? I get totally drunk. Like three sheets to the wind, not sure how I even remained upright, possibly drank more than one bottle of wine by myself drunk. It was not pretty.

I'm not even sure how I got that drunk. I planned on having a few drinks and expected to get a little tipsy, but I seriously didn't plan on passing out in my makeup when we got home. I woke up this morning with black eyeliner smudged under my eyes. It was not pretty, although it did kinda have that sexy look that I can't achieve when I'm doing my own makeup.

Most of the people at the reception are not folks we see on a regular basis and when we do see them I'm not normally drinking. I'm now trying to run through the bits of the night that I can remember and see if I said or did anything asinine. God, I want to die just thinking about it. I'm pretty sure I told various folks that I was hot. And then I might have touched a finger to my bum and made a sizzling noise. Booze + 4.5 inch heels + a little black dress + some makeup = Regan feeling all sexy and mouthing off about it to every person that commented on her shoes. (not to linger on an off topic, but those shoes are bad ass. When the salesgirl asked me if I liked them I told her I wanted to go make out with them. When jparks and I got out of the car at the wedding he said "Baby, you look really slutty tonight!" "Uh, thanks honey." "No it's a compliment, I LOVE SLUTS.")

I am just horrified. Did I mention that I'm horrified? I AM HORRIFIED. Sizzling noise! What person actually does that to themselves? Paris Hilton maybe, but not me.

And folks, if I thought I felt like death after that one beer earlier this week, then you can only imagine how crappy I felt this morning. And I didn't even get to sleep in, I had to get up and go work a Giants game. Thankfully there were fried foods in the suite. Nothing makes a hangover better faster than fried foods. Unless it's fried foods and a fountain diet coke.

No more booze. No more not paying attention to the number of refills I've had. No more skipping a glass of water between drinks. No more making an ass of myself in front of people that might not be expecting that from me. No more touching my own bum and making a sizzling noise. The next time I wear those shoes I can't let their power go to my head.


  1. Yeah well, after you've rounded up half the men at a reception for a rousing round of "Waazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" (you know, from the beer commercial... it was 1999), you come talk to me about humiliating yourself at a reception. *sigh*

    NICE shoes.

  2. Gatorade. Lots and lots of gatorade.
    Also, are your shoes red? The link popped up red shoes can be very dangerous...

  3. I DEFINITELY picked up those shoes in Aldo and started cooing about them. And my friend DEFINITELY told me to put down the stripper heels. I've seen a lot more strippery stripper heels so I know not of which she speaks! I thought they were fabulous! Anyway how the hell did you stay in those all night? I'm ready to put on flats after an hour in heels half that size. Please share the secret.

    Unless the secret is getting drunk. Because I've apparently lost any tolerance for alcohol at all even though I'm a nice spritely 19... recently it takes very little to send me puking in the morning. Please also explain that one to me, because I don't think Patrick likes holding my hair back while I do unmentionable things in his toilet. I never had this problem before!

  4. Those shoes are hot. And so is the dress with them I saw in Flickr.