Thursday, October 30, 2008

thursday. finally.

My thoughts this week have been exactly the same everyday "Crap, it's only Monday? But it feels like Wednesday. Stupid slow week." Rinse and repeat on Tuesday and then on Wednesday insert Friday for what day it feels like. And then today it dawned on me that it's Thursday and OMG, this week might finally be closing.

I'm having trouble now that the marathon is over making myself go run. The alarm goes off at 6am and I turn it off and then head right back to bed. So not only am I not running, but I'm also sleeping until 8:30. And that means I don't get to work until 10. Thankfully my bosses don't seem to mind when I come in, so long as I tack the missing hours onto the end of the day. But there are no words to explain how much I hate working until 6pm. LIKE SOME MUCH. ACK, FUCKING HATE! But apparently I don't hate it enough to drag my ass out of bed in the morning. Such is the way of me.

Today I had a Brownie meeting and I went to it dressed like this:
The girls asked me if I was dressing like an adult for Halloween and if I knew that Halloween is tomorrow, not today. Perhaps it's time to start wearing makeup to our meetings more often.

Monday, October 27, 2008


Saturday night we had a few friends over to celebrate jparks' 30th birthday. And this happened:


That bottle was almost full at the start of the party. I know Whitney had one drink made with Maker's Mark but I think the rest of the bottle was consumed by Jon and I. Honestly, I had no idea this was the case until I came downstairs on Sunday morning (at 7:30am to go for a bike ride. With a massive hangover. I am a machine!) and saw the empty bottle. My first thought was "ohh, shhiiiittttt" and my second was "Ah, this hangover makes sense now"

And because I am one klassy lassy, I apparently went around the party telling people all about my IUD and how I will not be pushing out a baby in a certain month. Shortly after this the party started to clear out. I really have no idea why.

All in all the evening was a good night (at least the parts that I remember), although I think whiskey and I are going to start a trial separation now. I think we got a little bit too serious, too fast and I need a little breathing room in the relationship. Maybe it's time to start dating other liquors, or perhaps branch out and try some wine every once in awhile. Maybe I should ease myself into a relationship with wine since I'm used to party girls like whiskey. Maybe wine in a cube for starters and then, if the relationship is going well, I'll move on to screw top wines and finally settle in for the long haul with corked wines. Aw, I think this relationship might work.

Friday, October 24, 2008

FAIL Friday

Things I have failed at today:
  • Making dinner. I managed to burn dinner. Dinner that was made in a crock pot. Do you know how hard it is to burn things in a crock pot? Almost impossible. Then the rice was supposed to be like fried rice and not goopey like a soggy casserole. My rice was goopey. Yum.

  • After dinner I decided to fluff some balls. Except they didn't really fluff as much as just tear. I gave up for tonight and will try again tomorrow when, hopefully, the fail has washed off of me.

  • Next I decided to start making the caramel apples I wanted for tomorrow night. People keep saying that caramel apples are easy to make, but let me take a moment to say that those people are lying pieces of shit. Sure, they might be easy if you don't want them to look appealing but, if you want to be able to look the finished product and not want to vomit, then they are a lot of damn work. Thus far I have warty apple covered in bubbles, measles apple covered in mini m&m's that are sliding off its side, and jagged shards of glass apple that is covered in almond slivers.

  • I would have pictures of these apples, but tonight I also failed at photography.

  • And now my blog is acting like a little brat and refusing to save or post. I quit. If you're reading this it's because it pulled its head out of its ass an started doing it's sole purpose in this world: publishing content.

  • edit: I woke up this morning and the caramel is no longer on the apples. It just slid right off of them and puddled on the tray. People that successfully make caramel apples suck.

    Wednesday, October 22, 2008

    Dear ladies that work in my building,

    Are you brain dead?

    err, I mean, Hi! How are you? Are you brain dead?

    Sorry, sorry, I don't mean to be so hostile but you have really been annoying me. Like a lot. Can I just get some things off my chest and maybe that'll help with the situation? See, I've got some issues with your bathroom behavior and I don't think I can take it much longer.

    Let's start with the bathroom lights. I know that we all want to be green and save the Earth and sometimes turning off the bathroom lights seems like a great way to do this, but do you think you could start checking to make sure the stalls are empty before you flick the switch to off? Because it sucks to be minding your own business and right when you go to reach for the toilet paper BAM DARKNESS. I feel like the logical next event will be my death at the hands of a serial killer that doesn't want me to know he's been following my bathroom habits and knows that when my pants are down I am at my weakest. If this continues I will be forced to shroud each of you in darkness and pretend to be said killer. I might end up in jail, but I bet you'll never turn the bathroom lights out again.

    I don't know if you're aware but we work in a fairly nice office building. An office building that doesn't get much random germ-infested hobo foot traffic. Our bathrooms are surprisingly clean and yet you still flush with your foot. You do realize that forces me to either have to flush with my foot, which is sometimes impossible if I'm wearing heels or nice clothes, or touch the handle that you just dragged the bottom of your shoe across. Do you not see how this is wrong? I have always washed my hands after using the bathroom but, thanks to the bottom of your shoe, I now do it with scalding hot water and scrub scrub scrub. Lady MacBeth would be so proud. Now my hands hurt, so it's time for you to stop with the foot flushing. Guess what, the only reason you need to foot flush is because you've gunked up the handle the last time you were in there! If you stop there would be no reason to foot flush! We can all be happy and I can stop hating you!

    And sometimes, when you leave your things on the counter while you are in a stall, I think about taking them to make us even. Do you see what you've reduced me to?!?


    Monday, October 20, 2008


    OMG, I ran a marathon yesterday. And I'm still alive and able to remain upright, so yay! But my time was less than desirable, so boo! But if you factor out my bathroom breaks and the fact that stupid people don't know that you grab a cup at the water stations and then KEEP MOVING, I only finished a little bit behind schedule and not a whole hell of a lot, like my time indicates.

    So, what was my time? 6:28:04. Before you start scoffing and thinking I'm a puss for taking so damn long, let me point out that you did not run a marathon on Sunday, so shut it. My goal was 5:15, which I obviously did not meet. And in true Regan fashion I'm pushing the blame for this to other places. Such as the before mentioned water stations.

    Dear fellow runners, those stations? They are not rest stops. You are supposed to grab your water and then go. Not grab your water and then chill right in front of the tables. You should have practiced running and drinking water at the same time if this was going to be a challenge for you. Or at least had the common sense to move past the tables a bit so as to not block traffic. I wanted to knock you all down.

    But the water stations were not really the biggest time suck, that honor goes to the port-o-let lines. I don't know why I was thinking the bathroom lines would not be that long, it was a race with 20,000 people, the bulk of that being women. Of course I was going to easily spend 20 or more minutes waiting in line at the port-o-lets, but that just never occurred to me ahead of time.

    I will openly admit that part of falling off pace is my fault as once I hit mile 17 I realized "Oh shit, I'm a bit tired." At mile 18 my running partner met me and if she hadn't shown up I honestly might have quit. But she wouldn't let me, even when I rattled off all the various things on my body that currently hurt. (my toenails hurt, my ankles hurt, my shins earlobes hurt) Or when she said she didn't see the hill I was talking about and I snapped back "Gaw, do you have selective blindness or something?!?" Some people claim to hit a wall when running, me I hit a bitch wall.

    And thank you to each of you that sent in words of support and to those of you that made it to the race. When I didn't think I could run another step, I knew if you could take the time to send me a note or come to the race on what had to be the coldest day in recent history, then I could run just a bit more. And towards the end that's exactly what it was, running one small section, walking a bit, and trying to run one more small section. And those small sections ended up getting me across the finish line.

    It's a huge feat to muster the energy to train for a marathon. Dragging yourself out of bed before the sun rises on race day feels crazy. Standing at the starting line, knowing in a few minutes you will embark on something most people will never do, makes you feel like you've lost your fucking mind. 26.2 seems impossible, but yesterday I learned that I am greater than it.

    I'm ready to go again and next time it's 5:15 or bust.


    Friday, October 17, 2008


    I've been working on a post for four days now, a post about a salad that was so incredibly good jparks and I had to force ourselves to stop eating it. And no, this wasn't your typical healthy salad, it was a salad born from fat southern chefs who love to make everything as bad for you as possible. When you lifted a fork of it to your mouth, you heard a loud slamming sound as your arteries slammed shut. Sweet baby Jesus, it was a crazy good salad.

    And then this morning I opened up that post and thought "This really sucks" so I deleted it. The thing is that I'm having a hard time writing anything because I have some things I need to say. I need to say them for totally selfish reasons and probably will make some family members mad by saying them. And that's giving me some hesitation. They aren't hurtful, at least I don't think they are hurtful, but others will most certainly feel differently.

    I don't talk about my relationship with my dad here, mostly because since starting this blog my dad and I haven't spoken. The grandfather that passed away last week was my dad's father, which meant it was time to bite the bullet and talk to my dad again. And I'm not certain how that went. I mean, I thought I was acting adult about it, but maybe I wasn't.

    I don't want to get into too much detail on this matter because, like I said, I don't want to make the situation worse, but holding all the words inside is eating me alive. And I don't think that saying them to my father will help. Or a therapist. There is just something about putting my words on this blog that takes them out of my head and makes me feel better. It takes makes the weight and pressure of those words a little less by spreading them around to all of you as well. Not that I honestly think you mull over my concerns and thoughts the way I do, but somehow it still helps. It's been so long since I carried the weight of my thoughts on my own that I can't really remember how I used to do it. It's weird how having a blog and sharing so much changes the way you process things.

    On a totally unrelated note, Saturday morning is the cut off for words of encouragement! If you think you are going to attend the race to cheer in person, let me know and I'll get you a copy of the race map and the times that I should reach various miles.

    Monday, October 13, 2008

    I am so damn needy

    So, uh, long time no blog post. I think it's time for a new blogging rule: a death in the family gives you the right to take a blogging vacation. You may return to the world of blogging at your own leisure. No one shall make you feel guilty for your lack of posting and that includes making yourself feel guilty.

    Anyway. We're still in New Orleans, feeling extremely worn out and ready to go home. Not that we don't love seeing family or spending time with friends, but this trip has been more stress filled than fun filled so going home would be nice. But enough negative, let's talk about something else.

    Did you know my marathon is in 6 days? (actually less because today is mostly over and then the race starts hella early on the 6th day) That's soon. Really soon. And while I feel like I'm ready, I know my training in the past month has not been ideal, and that worries me just a tiny bit. But I'm thinking positive. I can do it! 26.2 miles is nothing! That's a walk in the park!

    Before I make my next couple of requests let me tell you a story. When I ran the San Francisco Half Marathon in August I had jparks as my only cheerleader and he didn't make it to the finish line in time to see me cross it. (no guilt, honey! I'm not mad about it! for reals!) But plenty of other runners had cheerleaders along the course and, this is almost too dorky to share with you, every time I ran past a group of them, I almost cried. And my nose might have gotten a bit runny and made it hard to breath for a few steps. And you would never stop making fun of me if I told you how I might have cried actual tears when a stranger would cheer for me. Or when the race security guy told me that he knew I could make it.

    Would you like to see me cry? Yes? Then come out to the Nike Women's Marathon on October 19th in San Francisco and cheer for me. If you were to make a sign I can almost guarantee you'll get to see me trying to run with snot running down my face. Bring a snack for me and I might just faint from excitement.

    Can't make the race? My training books suggests that I fill a baggie with words of support and at every mile marker I read one and feel a bit more energized. But the catch is: those words of encouragement need to come from friends and family (read as: YOU). So email them to jparks[at] (I want to be surprised on race day so I'm having you send these to jparks' email account. This means prior to race day I'll have no idea if any of you actually send emails. Crap, I hate surprises) Did you just barf reading that, because I barfed a little writing it. It's cheesy but honestly, if it will help me keep moving when I think I can't go anymore, then I say let's do it. Send the words of encouragement in any form you think is best: a joke, a quote, a picture, or just "You can do it!"

    To be able to read one at every mile I'll need 26 people to send me their support. So come on people, email the encouragement in! Don't be shy if we haven't met; if a random stranger can make a race easier for me imagine how great I'll feel knowing that one of my blog readers believes in me.

    And now I feel like I should break out into song, maybe something uplifting and supportive. This should do the trick:

    Wednesday, October 8, 2008

    october 8th

    If you had asked me yesterday my thoughts on October 8th as a day, I would have told you that it is hands down my most favorite day of the year. It's got a nice evenness about it that makes me feel really content. I like how when I say October 8th, it rolls off my tongue and I love writing it down, all those o's in October and loops in the eight. It doesn't matter if October 8th falls on a weekend or a weekday, I love it.

    At least I did until today. This morning my granddad passed away.

    He was the last grandparent I had on my father's side and I am understandably upset by this news. I'm taking comfort in the fact that he was in his mid-nineties and lived his life by his rules, even if it meant being the most stubborn person I had ever met. I know it tore him apart to lose my grandmother a few years ago, and I haven't worked out what I think happens after death, but I know he was expecting to be reunited with her and, right now, I am believing in that for him.

    Tuesday, October 7, 2008

    home is where I'll be

    Since jparks and I have returned from vacation I've been feeling like very much the homebody. And should I feel like interacting with others, my limit is one other couple if the hanging out is occurring outside of my house, and two other couples should the hanging out occur inside my house. Also, apparently I have lost my mind and become very rule focused.

    Being a homebody is so not me and I thought it would it would fade away after a week or so, but it looks like I was wrong. I'm trying to blame it on the fact that my tivos (which didn't need to be replaced, so suck it jparks!) are both overflowing with recorded goodness and why should I go out when I can stay home and indulge in episodes of Gossip Girl, Top Gear, and every reality show on Bravo?

    (Can we stop for a second and talk about Bravo's reality programming? Seriously, if they make a show out of it, I'll watch. First it's fashion designers, then hair stylists, next thing you know I'm not able to pull myself away because they are making someone a supermodel and I have to find out who it will be. Also, Step It Up and Dance with Jessie Spano? Dear god Bravo, please learn how to say no to the people that pitch you show ideas. I still can't believe I spent time watching that show and my brain is still able to function afterward. Also, Tabatha, I love you.)

    This homebody thing has even got me thinking about Halloween, which I'm normally planning for as soon as the decorations and bags o'candy hit my local Target (read as: July), but this year instead of thinking of a costume, I'm thinking of an excuse to stay home. Right now my leading excuse is that we have no party to go to, so why bother with a costume? Also, trying to convince jparks to put on a costume is stupid hard. (last year he dressed up like email and I had to beg him to do that much)

    Maybe I'm suffering from vacation hangover. Maybe I'm getting sick. Maybe it's because I haven't bought a pair of shoes since getting home. Maybe I've been obsessing about the economy and the presidential race and I don't have the energy left to leave my house. Or maybe I'm just going through a phase that will hopefully pass soon. Please, could it pass soon?

    Monday, October 6, 2008


  • I started the 30 Day Shred yesterday. I can run all day long and I pay a trainer to kick my ass in the gym weekly, but some dumb workout dvd beat me up. I was going to get up this morning and do the dvd again, but I really couldn't. I'm sorry Jillian Michaels, I am weak.

  • Is anyone besides me still watching Desperate Housewives? The kid playing 16 year old Porter Scavo was wearing a really deep v-neck shirt this week and it was creeping me out. Plus his hair is just not right.

  • I tried to make jparks go see Beverly Hills Chihuahua but it was overrun with children. (take a moment and judge me for wanting to see a movie about talking dogs. Go ahead, I know you want to) We ended up seeing Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was really good, but I bet the talking chihuahuas would have been better. Seriously, I bet the chihuahuas are Oscar material.

  • Speaking of Nick and Norah, I want to learn how to do my eyeliner exactly like Norah has hers during the movie. Is it weird to find a picture, print it out, and take it to Sephora to get someone there to help me?

  • Tonight I cut up corn tortillas and tried to fry them into chips. This did not even come close to working, the chips never got crisp and ended up being really oily. Does anyone have frying suggestions?

  • When I went for my run this weekend the sky was threatening to let loose with rain. I was a bit unnerved by this because I never considered that it might rain during my marathon. Uh, crap.

  • I thought the doughnut burger was the greatest culinary invention ever. I now see that I was wrong. Introducing the bacon cinnamon roll. OMG NOM NOM NOM Who wants to come over for brunch? Somewhere jparks is reading this and vomiting into his mouth.

  • After we eat the bacon cinnamon rolls we'll have a big group session of the Shred. And then we'll all be puking. Good times.
  • Wednesday, October 1, 2008

    it's audience participation time!

    Do you have a kid? Are you a teacher? Do you home school? Are you in any way affiliated with a Girl Scout troop? Do you run or know of a good kids craft/activity blog? Have you ever interacted with a kid in any way whatsoever? Then please take pity on me and help!

    My Brownie troop of second graders is starting up soon (Soon as in tomorrow. I am so prepared!) and I really want to come up with exciting things for us to do this year. Meaning, I am sick of making cloud pictures using cotton balls. Because if I have to get myself all excited about that one more time I will scream. And my Brownies will cry. And I'll have to shove the cotton balls into my ears.

    I have an activity planned for tomorrow, which hopefully will take up as much time as possible. (If you know kids at all then you know this will not be the case. This one activity, which I'm hoping will last 30 to 45 minutes, will last 5 minutes at the most. And that's if I talk real slow-like when I give the instructions) If time doesn't fly by I have my fall back plan of "Let's go play outside with sidewalk chalk!" but that is only entertaining for so long and that's when I'm faced with answering the question "What are we doing next?" or the dreaded "When are we going to have some stinkin' FUN?" (One girl asked me that last year. At every meeting. That makes me feel like a great leader).

    So, do you have any activity suggestions? Maybe a fun website you want to share with the class? Perhaps a book I should go purchase? Honestly you don't have to be that specific, I'll take random craft or activity suggestions. Something that has stuck with you over the years from your golden Girl Scout days? Seriously, I'll take any suggestion you have, no matter how dumb you think it is.