Are you brain dead?
err, I mean, Hi! How are you? Are you brain dead?
Sorry, sorry, I don't mean to be so hostile but you have really been annoying me. Like a lot. Can I just get some things off my chest and maybe that'll help with the situation? See, I've got some issues with your bathroom behavior and I don't think I can take it much longer.
Let's start with the bathroom lights. I know that we all want to be green and save the Earth and sometimes turning off the bathroom lights seems like a great way to do this, but do you think you could start checking to make sure the stalls are empty before you flick the switch to off? Because it sucks to be minding your own business and right when you go to reach for the toilet paper BAM DARKNESS. I feel like the logical next event will be my death at the hands of a serial killer that doesn't want me to know he's been following my bathroom habits and knows that when my pants are down I am at my weakest. If this continues I will be forced to shroud each of you in darkness and pretend to be said killer. I might end up in jail, but I bet you'll never turn the bathroom lights out again.
I don't know if you're aware but we work in a fairly nice office building. An office building that doesn't get much random germ-infested hobo foot traffic. Our bathrooms are surprisingly clean and yet you still flush with your foot. You do realize that forces me to either have to flush with my foot, which is sometimes impossible if I'm wearing heels or nice clothes, or touch the handle that you just dragged the bottom of your shoe across. Do you not see how this is wrong? I have always washed my hands after using the bathroom but, thanks to the bottom of your shoe, I now do it with scalding hot water and scrub scrub scrub. Lady MacBeth would be so proud. Now my hands hurt, so it's time for you to stop with the foot flushing. Guess what, the only reason you need to foot flush is because you've gunked up the handle the last time you were in there! If you stop there would be no reason to foot flush! We can all be happy and I can stop hating you!
And sometimes, when you leave your things on the counter while you are in a stall, I think about taking them to make us even. Do you see what you've reduced me to?!?