I've been working on a post for four days now, a post about a salad that was so incredibly good jparks and I had to force ourselves to stop eating it. And no, this wasn't your typical healthy salad, it was a salad born from fat southern chefs who love to make everything as bad for you as possible. When you lifted a fork of it to your mouth, you heard a loud slamming sound as your arteries slammed shut. Sweet baby Jesus, it was a crazy good salad.
And then this morning I opened up that post and thought "This really sucks" so I deleted it. The thing is that I'm having a hard time writing anything because I have some things I need to say. I need to say them for totally selfish reasons and probably will make some family members mad by saying them. And that's giving me some hesitation. They aren't hurtful, at least I don't think they are hurtful, but others will most certainly feel differently.
I don't talk about my relationship with my dad here, mostly because since starting this blog my dad and I haven't spoken. The grandfather that passed away last week was my dad's father, which meant it was time to bite the bullet and talk to my dad again. And I'm not certain how that went. I mean, I thought I was acting adult about it, but maybe I wasn't.
I don't want to get into too much detail on this matter because, like I said, I don't want to make the situation worse, but holding all the words inside is eating me alive. And I don't think that saying them to my father will help. Or a therapist. There is just something about putting my words on this blog that takes them out of my head and makes me feel better. It takes makes the weight and pressure of those words a little less by spreading them around to all of you as well. Not that I honestly think you mull over my concerns and thoughts the way I do, but somehow it still helps. It's been so long since I carried the weight of my thoughts on my own that I can't really remember how I used to do it. It's weird how having a blog and sharing so much changes the way you process things.
On a totally unrelated note, Saturday morning is the cut off for words of encouragement! If you think you are going to attend the race to cheer in person, let me know and I'll get you a copy of the race map and the times that I should reach various miles.