Saturday, November 22, 2008

gratitutious use of the word shit

Jparks and I are currently dog-sitting for some friends of ours and the other night we caught their dog eating shit. Immediately after that I caught Lily nibbling on some shit as if she were sampling it to determine its tastiness level. Let me help you out Lily, IT IS SHIT. NOT TASTY. NOT EVEN LEVEL ONE TASTY.

Now, anytime either dog moves to lick me, I yell "Back shit-eater! No licking!" Jparks maintains that this was just a one off episode and neither dog has consumed any shit since then, but I'm not so certain. We're not home to monitor what goes into their mouths twenty four hours a day and I'm not willing to risk it. Jparks also maintains that I'm fighting a losing battle and that when we have kids they'll be eating shit and other things just as vile. To which I always remark "I don't know what you ate as a kid, but I NEVER ate shit. I was smarter than that."

But he swears I'm wrong and that children out there eat shit. He's so certain of this, that he has asked me to "put it to the internets." So, what do you say internets; did you eat shit as a child? Has your child ever eaten shit? What about anything as disgusting as shit?

10 comments:

  1. Okay, okay, I'm admitting it. Stella leaves dingleberries on the floor sometimes, disgusting jerk that she is, and TWICE, Ace has gotten one in his mouth before I realized what was going on. He spit them right back out, so it's not like he dipped it in ketchup and savored every bite or anything. Kids are mouthy little creatures and it's just another way they explore things.

    Once kids figure out what poop is, they only eat it under double dog dares or threats of violence from older siblings or bullies, seriously. It's not another form of recreation for them or something.

    What I want to know is how you could stand them licking you before the shit-eating incident, knowing all the things they licked. How do you know Lilly never got into the cat's litter box for a little Tootsie Roll?

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  2. To follow up on the last comment, dog breath just reeks of disgustingness in general, so there should be no licking in the first place. Yuck.

    This is why I am a cat person. Cats are smarter than to eat shit.

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  3. I don't know of any kids that have eaten poop or anything but I do remember the poop flinging kid at camp and some kids that smeared poop on the latrine walls. Ah, memories.

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  4. I don't know any kid that has ever eaten feces, and I'm from Alabama. I call bullshit.

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  5. Never. I did chomp into a dirt clod once...it's one of my earliest memories. I don't remember the dirt, so much as my dad running across the driveway to stop me.

    It wasn't all that tasty.

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  6. I never ate shit, and my 3 year old has never eaten shit. He did once eat a bug. I started to freak out but then decided it was probably just good training for a career as a reality TV "star."

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  7. Boys are so gross. What is wrong with them?

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  8. Let's see...let me think...ummmmmm...NO...and NO!!!!!!!! jparks was obviously a "special" child. Just kidding!

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  9. never, you know, on purpose. but i'm pretty sure they've eaten a little bit. with all the poop and diaper-changing-flailing and dipping-the-foot-in-shit-then-popping-it-in-the-mouth, it's inevitable.

    my brother says ellie's first solid food was poop.

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  10. A resounding NO, I HAVE NEVER EATEN SHIT!

    I don't know anyone else who has either. A neighbor of my brother's has a daughter and she smeared shit all over the walls out of her diaper as a kid, but none in the mouth.

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