Tuesday, November 25, 2008

spreading Thanksgiving goodwill

Have I mentioned that this year jparks and I decided to not host Thanksgiving dinner for a billion people like we did last year? Nothing personal billion people that attended last year, it's just that I'm lazy and that was a hell of a lot of work. This year I made us dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant and called it a day.

At least I did, until realizing that I actually like cooking, especially Thanksgiving foods. Before I knew what was going on I had purchased a turkey breast. And four pie shells, cranberries, carrots, asparagus, sweet potatoes, mini marshmallows, and dinner rolls. Holy crap, I'm making a Thanksgiving dinner to eat after we go out to a Thanksgiving lunch. People, there is something wrong with me. I see that now. But honestly, the thought of not having leftover turkey for sandwiches or sweet potatoes made with crispy marshmallows on top was killing me.

The only downside to this last minute Thanksgiving feast has been that I've had to deal with the grocery store this week. Last year I stocked up early and got as much shopping done before Thanksgiving week as possible. This year I've braved the grocery story twice on Monday and twice today, each time cursing under my breath about how stupid people really are. Have they never seen a grocery store before? Are carts new fangled devices that perplex them? Will other shoppers cheer if I punch the woman ahead of me in the ovaries?

I mean, I just really don't get it. It's a grocery store. 99.9% of them across the country are the same. Yes, some may have larger or smaller versions of certain sections, but generally ALL THE SAME. Just because our Safeway has a nut bar that doesn't mean you need to block the three aisles around it while you oooh and ahhh over the "worldly selection of roasted nuts! Ohhh look they even have spiced almonds! Sold warm!" I know it's exciting, but push your cart to one side of the aisle before I ram my cart into your calves. If I don't get my point across with the first ramming, I will do it again.

If it turns out I haven't bought something I need, I plan on figuring out how to do without it. Because, seriously, going back to the store might land my ass in jail. I'm not above shanking a bitch over a dozen eggs or a gallon of milk.


  1. There is nowhere more irritating that the grocery store at the holidays. It makes me want to pull out my hair.

  2. I went to the grocery last night and it was chaos. Stupid me though forgot to plan what I was actually bringing to my sister's, so now I have to go back. Stupid move of the year award goes to me...

  3. I'm only responsible for making this AWESOME creamed corn dish for all family holidays (seriously, it is THAT good) so last year I went on Wednesday before Thanksgiving figuring who waits until the last minute? EVERYONE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

    I have a tiny store and every check-out lane had lines that stretched to the other end of the store, through the aisles. I waited in line in the cat food aisle and almost cracked a can of Friskies open. It was madness! So this year I went on Monday night, which wasn't nearly as bad.

  4. We're going out to dinner at SEVEN P.M. Nobody told my dad that Thanksgiving Dinner occurs at FOUR P.M. So, I guess I"ll just have to drink wine from 4 to 7.