Friday, December 5, 2008

glitter and strippers and christmas, oh my!

The Christmas tree we brought home last weekend is crapping out on us. Our living room floor is completely covered in needles no matter how many times we sweep. Every time I plug in the lights, a plethora of needles rains down. Tangi bats at an ornament and ends up needle coated. I pour water into the stand and have to shake my hair out. I do not understand, why is my tree shedding at such an astounding rate? Seriously, if it keeps losing needles at this rate it will be totally bare by Christmas. I've never had a tree do this before, are there recent innovations in the Christmas tree industry that I should know about that help keep the tree needle covered?

Besides having a house covered in pine needles, we also have a light dusting of glitter everywhere thanks to the tree topper I made. It's like we had a party but only invited strippers, who then rubbed all over every surface in our house. I don't think we hosted such a party, but you never know, I'm not here all the time. But the house doesn't smell like stripper so I think it's safe to blame the tree topper.

Despite the constant sweeping and strip club interior of my house, I still think the tree is worth it. I don't think it would feel like Christmas without it, especially since jparks and I have already exchanged most of our gifts. We're traditional like that. And for the record, I'm not 100% sold on the blue lights on the tree. Outside, yes. On a tree, not so much. I'm a white light purist.


  1. Did you cut some of the bottom off the tree? For our first Christmas together we got a real tree and it died in about a week so we had to go buy a second tree because I was determined to have a real tree for our first Christmas but it was hell undecorating the first tree and decorating the second.

  2. Stephanie might have it. Excessive needle droppage is usually a sign of a dried out tree. If you did cut it and do fill it with water that's a start but you have to keep the water an inch or so above the cut line or it could seal back over. If you have to pick the tree up and recut the bottom please ask someone to come over and videotape it because it will be comedy gold. After you recover from wanting to kill each other.

    Also, I think scotch pines drop needles like crazy to matter what. But I can't tell what kind of tree that is. I am not THAT Canadian!

  3. Aw, man. I thought there were going to be actual strippers involved in this post.

  4. Fuuuuun! I want a tree, but we're going back to TN on the 17th so it kind of seems pointless =(

  5. In addition to what Stephanie and Mary-Lynn said, there's also the possibility that the tree was cut a month ago, or even more. Christmas tree farms start cutting their trees fairly early in order to keep up with all the demand at the beginning of tree sale season. If you go to a cut your own tree farm (and there are lots around here if you're willing to drive a little), you're guaranteed to get a freshly cut tree. I haven't done that in decades and someday I will, but preferably once we have a bigger living room than our current one the size of a peanut butter sandwich. The skinny fake tree my MIL gave us happens to fit perfectly. Siiiigh. (I love me some real Christmas trees.)

  6. what do strippers smell like?
    Adam and I are having the Christmas tree debate, should we get a live one, a fake one or go with the small one we already have?
    also I think I agree with Jennie who agrees with Stephanie and Mary-Lynn.... prolly cut too early.

  7. My money is on the stripper party.

  8. I happened to come across some amber lights one year and they are my new favorite tree lights, makes a candle-like glow.

    The idea of you at a party surrounded by strippers amuses me to no end. ;)