Tuesday, December 2, 2008

overly excited by the little things

Today has been one of those days where I just felt all wonky. Not sick or bad, just generally disconnected from the stuff happening around me. In every situation something felt off and a couple of times something was actually off. Like the driver that decided he wanted to be in my lane right that very second and would be damned if my car was going to stop them. Or the weird guy at Whole Foods that I thought was a company rep offering samples of cookies, but was actually just a crazy guy that opened a pack of cookies and was giving them out.

So yeah, today was just an odd day where nothing felt quite right. And when I checked my mail and found a small package addressed to Mr. Regan Parks, I figured it was just par for the course. The package was from the Disables Veterans Foundation and appeared to contain a small statue or something similar that they were hoping would be so awe inspiring I would whip out my checkbook and make a donation right then. I loved random and weird crap, so immediately my head filled with ideas of what it could be. Statue of a guy missing limbs? Maybe an old guy wearing an eye patch and saluting? The options were endless.

Which is why, when I opened the box and saw a mug, I was rather disappointed. A mug? Boring. But then I pulled the mug out and saw this:
Mr. Regan Parks
Not only had they addressed the package to Mr. Regan Parks, but they printed my name like that ON THE MUG. I actually get a lot of junk mail suggesting that I'm in possession of a penis, but I have never received a mug. Good job Disabled Vets, you have just sent me my new favorite free thing I have ever received via the mail.

Plus the other side has a bitchin' eagle on it:

What's the most bizarre free thing you've gotten in the mail?


  1. Hmmm, well not in the mail, but when I worked at a women's mag, a president of an--how shall I say this--adult fun company delivered a whole bag of SEX TOYS to my office. Even better? Her business partner was HER SON. Pheromone pillow spray, heart-shaped massaged, bullet vibrators, sex-themed bubble bath, massage oils of all kind--you name it, I got it. (Sadly, most of it never went to use!)

  2. Freedom is not free.
    Carefree is not care.
    Childcare is not child.
    Stepchild is not step.
    Sidestep is not side.
    Outside is not out.
    Handout is not hand.
    Stagehand is not stage.
    Onstage is not on.
    Lesson is not less.
    Selfless is not self.
    Itself is not it.
    Edit is not Ed.
    Domed is not Dom.
    Freedom is not free.

    As far as I can tell, it's completely circular reasoning, so I think you can safely ignore it Mr. Regan Parks.

    I wonder if I can fit "Freedomeditselflessonstagehandoutsidestepchildcarefreedom is not free." on a mug.

  3. Your eagle mug is pretty random. But Kristin! Oh my GAWD! Sex toys sent from a mother/son adult fun company?! How do these things even happen?!

  4. That is phenomenal!

    I think the best thing I've ever gotten in the mail for free was the nickel they give you to encourage you to donate. Yet I just take the nickel and put it in my piggy bank.

  5. I hope that you are drinking out of that mug RIGHT NOW.

    I always receive phone calls for Mr. West. Also, I recently received a thank you card from someone who I have WORKED WITH addressed to Ms. Shannon West.

  6. Finally! Someone else the Direct Marketers think is a man. I get so damned tired of it.
    But getting a mug like that would totally make my day.

  7. i WILL now be sitting by the mail waiting for my Mr. Ali Martell mug. because that would just be awesome.

    i've NEVER gotten anything exciting or weird or anything. i once got served papers for someone named Bernie Katzberg, though. because i seriously look like a Bernie...

  8. blah I just get fake credit cards, or cheques made out to me, but if you cash them to agree to some stupid account or something lame like that. I've never gotten a Mr. Deadra mug. I want one!