Friday, January 30, 2009

hairy situation

Yesterday I went to the mall to return a few things and to start the fun adventure of shopping for a dress to wear to wedding when I'm too big to fit in my regular clothes, but too small to properly wear maternity clothes. And while now might not be the best time to spend money on new clothes, all of my current dresses were struggling to contain my boobs and no one wants to be that girl at a wedding. You know, the kind of girl that you see and have to sneak pictures of because, really, who sluts it up that much at a wedding?

I wasn't planning on dress shopping while I was at the mall so I wasn't properly prepared. Let's just say that when it's cold and you feel like crap, it's pretty hard to motivate yourself to shave. And for me, that includes armpit shaving because I just want to get in and out of the shower as fast as possible. (am I the only one that hates showering when they don't feel well? All that standing just requires so much effort.) I figured I could get in and out of the fitting rooms without being bothered and this was the case at Banana Republic, J. Crew, and Macy's. It was not the case with White House Black Market.

I don't know if the girls at White House were just really bored, or if I've forgotten just how hands on their customer service is because they were all over me. They brought me at least 8 dresses to try on and I had to step out of the room to see a mirror. The first time I came out one girl was at my feet slapping heels on me and another was giving me a wrap to try and both of them had to get a good look at the hair I'm sprouting.

I will give them credit because if they were taken back by the hair, they didn't show it. But that only made me more uncomfortable. I so wanted to apologize but there's really no way to do that without making yourself seem like even more of a freak, you know? "Sorry I'm so hairy, I wasn't expecting to come shopping today. Not that I only shave when I'm going shopping. Because if that were the case my husband would want me to shop more often. Maybe I'll start applying that to my life. Um yeah so, uh, sorry."

In the end, partially out of guilt and partially because the dresses were all so cute, I walked out for four new dresses for one wedding. The majority of them are going back after I can try them on without salegirls fawning over me and declaring each one cuter than the last. Although part of me wants to take them back to another location so the same girls won't see me and judge me again for the hair. And so I won't feel compelled to try on more clothes just so they can see that I've finally shaved. Not that I have shaved but I'm sure at some point I will. My laziness is bound to fail sometime.


  1. I'm delurking to tell you that no, you are not the only one that hates shaving when it's so cold. I mean, who can shave over goose-bumps? Also, my husband took the regulator out of our shower head and I can only shave either (1) both armpits or (2) one leg. Or rinse off completely from my shower. I can't stand it.

  2. You know, for some reason every time I need to try on formal-ish clothes, my legs are unshaved, and I'm wearing ugly underwear.

  3. Have you been to Ambiance on Union Street? Because man, I have never had sales associates on me like flies on honey like that store (and likewise the Haight Street store, too).

    Speaking of shaving, I went A MONTH (um, part of the time I was in a DRESS in Australia, too, mind you!), then the day I was finally going to shave it all off that night, went to the derm for a head-to-toe mole checkup. UM YEAH. That wasn't AT ALL awkward or anything.

  4. Dude, I try not to shave from fall to spring in Chicago. So no, you're not alone.

    It's always the ONE time you're not expecting anyone to see you that you're all hairy. That happened to me at the doctor once.