Thursday, January 8, 2009


Since I laid on my couch for 13 days recently, I discovered a channel that I didn't know about, Fine Living Network. The overall theme of this channel is "Hey America, you could really learn some manners from England!" Most of the shows on FLN are tolerable, but there's one in particular that drives me insane and yet I can't stop watching it. I apparently really love to torture myself, as is evident by the fact that not only will I watch the show if it's on while I'm home, but I picked up a TiVo season pass. Because god forbid I not miss the awfulness.

The show is called Whatever, Martha! and consists of Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis and her friend Jennifer snarking their way through old episodes of Martha's shows. I saw a commercial and thought that it would be the best show on television ever. I love Martha and snark and tv, so how could this show let me down? Holy crap, was I wrong.

The two hosts come off as spoiled bratty idiots and are not funny. They move in and out of super thick Jersey accents as if they've been told to hide them, but occasionally forget. Alexis repeatedly rolls her eyes at Jennifer, as if Jennifer is the dumbest human ever to have lived, which Hi, Alexis, you are giving her a real run for that title. They occasionally attempt whatever craft Martha is featuring and end up failing at it brilliantly, which does not endear them to me in any way. You aren't proving how hard and ridiculous the craft is by screwing it up, you're just proving that you're a moron. A not funny moron.

It's not that I'm against snarky television. I used to watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000. I use snark in my ever day life. I love snark, but only when it's done properly. Here's my proposal: who wants to start a show where we watch other shows and sit around and snark our way through them? We can start small by posting our show on You Tube until a network picks us up. I'll provide snacks and the place we snark, you can provide additional snark and suggestions of shows that need our treatment.

If the Whatever, Martha! girls can have a television and a radio show based around their pathetic senses of humor, imagine the total world domination you and I can have. We'll be un-freaking-stoppable. So who's on board?


  1. see, this is why you need a video camera permanently pointed out your couch so you can capture your own tv snarkiness (and goodness knows what else)! [Cause now those 13 tv filled days might almost be seen as wasted.] Then edit, post and you will be rich. Hey, I'd watch the Regan show, pithy with a dose of snark all mellowed by self (or hubby) deprecating humor and some of your yummy baked goods.

  2. I'm in! But first I need to a list of shows you want to review. There are some things I just can't tolerate, even to be snark-y about.

  3. I think you win the award for the most use of the word "snark" in a blog. :)

  4. I can't take that show seriously. It's almost painful to watch Alexis Stewart try and be funny! You can tell she's trying to be snarky but she's just a little too bitter that it makes it uncomfortable (and who can blame her, although I love Martha -- you can see a bit of the Mommy Dearest vibe) . That's probably why they cast her dippy little friend -- in hopes that she would mitigate that.

    Sorry, FLN: Fail.

  5. Wow, that sounds like a pretty craptastic show!

  6. Alexis looks like a man and has steroid-infused veins like Madonna. You'll need those things and a billionaire mother to start your show. I submit the following as evidence:

  7. I don't have this channel but I was wondering about this show. I'm glad it sucks. If it was awesome, I would have to pay extra for this channel.

    Sign me up for the snarking show! First stop, Rock of Love Bus and 17 and Counting!

  8. I am totally on board. I've been doing that the last two nights with 24.

    Also, I need to start watching 17 and counting.

    In non-snark TV news, Dietribe has promise... Go girls!!