Sunday, February 22, 2009

festering

This might come as a surprise, but I am not a chipper person by nature. I can fake it when I need to, like at work meetings or family events so I don't scare my relatives, but my general temperament is kind of pissy. Not to point fingers, but I blame my grandfather on my father's side for this. He was a piss and vinegar old man, but in a nice way, which is also a pretty accurate description of me. While most would say I run closer to sarcastic than cranky old man, I will be the first to correct them by admitting the sarcasm is just my way of softening the crankiness. And besides if I were to go full cranky old man at the age of 29, what will I have to look forward to when I'm 80? I mean other than pooping in a diaper because woohoo! nothing says good times like crapping yourself.

My pissiness was something I was always able to control and dial back as needed, but lately I have been mad at the world and I can't make it stop. I'll see something in my google reader and I won't even be able to finish reading the post because OMG, MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE FROM ANGER. Or Twitter, I probably shouldn't even start about Twitter. I've had to remove certain twitter-ers from being sent to my phone because I am certain if I didn't, I would throw my phone down the garbage disposal. (Of course I didn't remove you. And your blog never makes me angry. I love you, you are awesome)

I don't want to be all "ha, one more crappy thing about pregnancy!" but honestly this is one more crappy thing I wasn't expecting. I can feel that my hormones are all over the damn placel and yet I can't take the reigns and control them. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm crying, complete with big, air sucking sobs. And then I'm immediately fiery mad and poor jparks is the one crying because holy crap who is this hellbeast that claims to be his wife?

Here's a list of things that I've gotten incredibly mad about lately:
  • Douche face Emeril Lagasse being the guest judge on Top Chef's semi finale

  • jparks "watching" a tv show with me while playing on the computer and then asking a question about what's going on every five seconds (bonus anger if he asks the same question multiple times)

  • The Home Owner's Association for our neighborhood. Seriously people, I will go to your house and break things if you don't come out here and fix the leak in my garage

  • People that want to buy my furniture on craigslist and then never reply when I contact them about arranging pick up

  • When jparks says "I'm going to tweak your hooters" while we're debating something important. Seriously? Tweak my hooters? I will kill you and everyone would understand once I tell them what you've said. In fact, I think people will crown me a saint for not killing you sooner.

  • The fact that I can't order a king cake until March. And that it's going to cost me $45, when I would never have paid more than $10 for one in NOLA

  • And don't even get me started on Mardi Gras. I'm unemployed, I don't have to ask for time off of work. I should be at Mardi Gras this year.

  • Anything else that happens to me, near me, or around me. The rain? It pisses me off. The netflix site going down for an hour yesterday? ANGER. The damn kids that won't stay off my lawn? I shake my cane at them.


  • I am truly a ball of sunshine.

    13 comments:

    1. I'm with you on Top Chef. On what planet is Emeril Lagasse a good chef? Oh, probably my friends who insist they can get a good meal at Red Lobster.

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    2. So, I realize it's not Haydels but have you looked at Gambinos? They are at least only backed up until the 27th. That's got to count for something, right? And if it's any consolation, it's been butt cold at the parades. Oh, and my brother gets to go to a flippin ball tonight - for free, and yeah, I'm quite jealous of that...

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    3. there's just something about the word hooters, eh?

      crowning you a saint right this very moment!

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    4. #2 is seriously annoying, haywire hormones or no. (As is the tweaking hooters comment, SRSLY? WTF?)

      I'd offer you virtual hugs, but I think that'd just piss you off even more. Instead, I'll just hope the hormones level out a little so you can find a new way to dominate them and beat them into submission like before.

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    5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand this is why we are friends. And that Hooters shit? No. Unacceptable.

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    6. I was just talking with a friend about all the freaky pregnancy stuff that happens and how no one tells you and HOW THEY SHOULD!

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    7. I'm with you on Emeril. You could even tell the chefs were faking it when they were "gushing" about him.

      I'm scared to ever get preggo because I can have these kind of anger moments most any time. I can only imagine what more hormones would do to the mix. I'm probably end up in jail for stabbing someone in the eye with a spork.

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    8. You don't need pregnancy hormones to want to kill jparks for the 'hooters' comment.

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    9. heh heh heh....
      Hey Sunshine... you're gonna love the heartburn!

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    10. Emeril is a decent chef and restaurateur. He's a caricature of himself on TV (all of that ridiculous BAM! shit that the Food Network producers overplayed). Even *he* must be sick of himself.

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    11. OK, there's more that no one tells you either and one of them (if you haven't discovered it already) is that your lady bits might smell completely weird. More? the hormones may never go back to normal again, your boobs might start randomly leaking, songs you always hated will make you cry, your fetus in there might get the hiccups constantly which will feel like you have them and there's nothing you can do about it, and you may find yourself feeling lonely in ways you never imagined possible. Oh, and all the increasingly invasive poking and prodding of your body by doctors is something most people gloss over too.

      Pregnancy is a bitch. (Unless you are one of those people who spend it feeling like the most beautiful princess in the world.)

      Although I am a perfect stranger, if you want the truth about labor and the first couple of months after birth I will be happy to fill you in on the things no one tells you about that either.

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    12. Make sure to cut open some tennis balls and put them on the feet of your walker, otherwise you'll scuff the floor, paw paw.

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    13. Just a warning that if you are feeling this way during pregnancy, you may still have bouts of intense anger later. Remember to cut yourself some slack and realize it's the hormones making you more angry about something than you logically feel. I've made an ass of myself several times in front of the kids and family ...and I'm going with hormones on that.

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