Monday, April 6, 2009

maybe I'll feel like less of a tool if I join the mall walkers

Before I got pregnant I like to think that I was a pretty active person. I mean I hated the gym with the best of them, but I still made myself go. (Mostly thanks to the personal trainer that cost me a butt load of money. Nothing guilts you into working out like paying a stupid amount to get your ass handed to you on a bench press) However, since getting pregnant I've become one of the laziest people to sloth their way across the earth.

I know that one of the keys to a healthy pregnancy is exercise but I prefer to pretend I have never heard that bit of advice. And honestly it kills me to be this lazy, but I'm one of those "If I can't do what I want, then I'm not doing anything at all" types of people, and right now I can't run so I'm doing nothing. How sick is it that I want to go for a run so badly that I actually dream I'm training for various races. Who does that? Shouldn't I be dreaming of booze and sushi and other crap that's off limits? No, not me, in my dreams I lace up my trainers and head out for a 10 mile run. I dream of clipping my iPod on and hearing the songs that make me mouth the words like an idiot while I run through my neighborhood.

While I'm not allowed to run I am allowed, encouraged even, to walk. But really, walking? Lame. My grandmother walks. My tiny chihuahua walks. Weird speedwalkers walk. I walk from the car to the mall but I do not walk as exercise. It's not that I don't recognize it as exercise, it's just that I feel so weird walking. When I'm walking through the neighborhood I feel like I should have a little sign that says "I'm not casing your house, I'm walking. FOR EXERCISE." When I go running I'm all decked out in running clothes, and somehow that makes it feel like real exercise, but when I walk I'm in my regular clothes. Working out gets you sweaty, sweating requires special clothes, walking requires no special clothes, therefore walking is not working out. See Regan justify. Justify, Regan, justify.

So since running is out and walking is not my thing, I think I might take up swimming. Because there is nothing sexier than a preggo in a tankini. Our neighborhood has a heated pool and I don't think many people use it in the mornings, so my plan is to buy a kick board and swim modified laps. Modified because I'm going to basically float while kicking. But that's exercise! Why? Because I need special clothing to do it and equipment. See previous paragraph.

Now, someone ask me in a week if I've gone swimming even once. Because I'm fairly certain the answer will be "No, but I went for a damn walk."


  1. Trixie and I go for lots of walks... Doesn't baby and stroller count as equipment? What if you add in the shoes that are playground appropriate and the mom uniform of stain friendly clothes? Does that count?
    Sigh. Before I was pregnant I worked out with a trainer too, and dang it was expensive, but I loved to have my ass handed to me, and now my trainer is a 13 month old. She's much more demanding!
    I think my days of real workouts are over, at least until I am comfortable leaving her for longer periods of time.
    Welcome to motherhood. It's glamourous, eh?

  2. I hear you on the walking. Also, I did something to my hip running Sunday and am now banned from running for at least a week. My trainer put me on a stationary bike last night, and I although I stayed on it a good long while and burned some substantial calories, I still feel like it was pretty lame. There was an old woman on the bike 2 over, and -- I kid you not -- she had one of the trainers get her a pillow to put behind her head to make her more comfortable.

    See? Lame.

  3. When I was pregnant, I went to the gym and used the eliptical or the stationary bike a lot. If you do that, then you do get to wear special clothes, and a heart-rate-monitor (can't go above 140 bpm). Walking with a pram is easier because there is a handy place to put your water bottle and your phone and your iPod...

  4. Don't laugh - I lived for water aerobics when I was pregnant. Of course, I was carrying nearly 50# of extra weight in my stomach here in LA in the middle of summer, so floating weightlessly in a non-heated pool was heaven. And, I did move around a lot, so I totally counted it as exercise. Try it!

  5. I like walking for exercise. I put on workout clothes, though, to make me feel like I'm exercising and not casing the joint.

    I say this all like I've done it in the last year or something.