Monday, June 15, 2009

does this mean I have sister-wives?

Last Thursday jparks picked up and built the latest addition to the nursery, the crib. And then on Friday I went to an OB appointment and was told that I've reached the point in the pregnancy where I have to go in for check ups every two weeks. Because apparently we are having a baby soon. Both of those events sent my mind reeling because a baby needs things and I don't have things! Also, what do I know about babies? I'm afraid to even hold a newborn because they are breakable. Ask our friends that have kids, I won't touch the baby for a couple of weeks because I didn't want to be the person that is responsible for giving the kid a soft spot noogie on accident. And yet it appears I'm going to be bringing one home in about eight weeks.

This realization led to me scouring Baby Bargains for product reviews and then heading over to my registries to add and delete items obsessively. After searching for my Babies R Us registry I noticed this:

Picture 2

Whoa, jparks gets around! He's a man whore with babies all over the country!

And then on Amazon he has a few more baby mommas:

Picture 5

I feel so cheap and used. And a bit scared because here I thought I was just unleashing one mini-jparks onto the world, but I was so wrong. There will be many and, my god, the world is not ready for that.


  1. Well, according to the Babies R Us registry list, he has at least married most of his other baby mamas, except for that Coney chick who might very well be a stripper.

    Also, I won't hold a baby, primarily because their bodily fluids move in projectile patterns. No Thank You.

  2. So I guess this debunks your whole "Jason is gay" thing. He is the exact opposite of gay it seems.

  3. you held Trixie when she was really wee. (2 weeks) and since she was still under 7 lbs by then it was practically the same as holding a newborn! You'll be fine, besides it's not like you'll actually be allowed to hold your own baby!

  4. I met two guys on Saturday and learned/had reinforced a couple things I think you might find handy to remember/realize:

    1) If babies were as weak as we sometimes fear they are, our species would have died out millenia ago.

    2) These two dads found out they were selected to be the parents to their adopted son when the baby was, oh, 10 hours old. They literally had nothing in their house to prepare them for a baby, so they somehow got an infant carseat and took it from there. They survived and so will you. =)

  5. Apparently if you have a boy, and your last name is Parks, the ONLY name to name it is Jason.

    So we should be expecting Jason Jr., yes?

  6. As lame as it sounds, I found this searching for baby stroller info. Kim