Friday, the day my OB suggested inducing, has come and gone and I'm still knocked up. Sunday, my due date, has come and gone and I am still knocked up. Folks, this is getting old really quickly.
I honestly don't want to chat your ear off about still being pregnant but every thought I have lately goes something like this "Dammit kid, OOOOUUUUTTTT" or "I'm going to be pregnant forever. It could happen, I read about it on the internet." And speaking of the internet, one of my new hobbies is to research ways to induce labor online. I've found plenty of the old wives' tales; spicy foods, sex, and walking, but so far my favorite suggestion is to take a small flashlight, turn it on, and shove it into your vagina. Why? Because babies like to move towards light. Yes, according to the internet you can lure a baby out of your womb by making him think God is calling him towards a holy white light. How pissed would that kid be when he realizes instead of heaven, he's ended up in a hospital room with an idiot mother that shoved a flashlight into her vagina?
Of course, I've asked jparks to run to Sears and get one of those multi million candlepower spotlights. It's a bit big to shove up there, but when we're back at the OB's in a few hours and we're in the room waiting for him I'll have jparks grab a speculum and give the kid a good shining. It might be a stupid idea, but I read it on the internet so it must work. Now if only jparks still had long hair we could dress him up like Jesus so the kid wouldn't be too disappointed upon being born.