Monday, September 28, 2009

outcome not as expected

Saturday I packed up the breast pump and headed out for my first day away from Truman. Brace yourself for this next confession: I loved my day away from him. Don't get me wrong, I missed the kid like crazy, but the day was super awesome fun. I went to BlogHer Food because you know, I'm nothing if not a food blogger.

Okay, so yeah, not really a food blogger in the slightest bit, but I do read an insane number of food blogs and a lot of the panels could apply to any type of blog, so I decided to go. This decision worked out really well as I learned quite a bit (mostly that I am a blogging slacker) and I met and got to get drunk hang out with some amazing people.

The day started with Tracy and I heading up from the South Bay together. Once we checked in, we found Whitney and Megan. And then, around lunch time, we picked up a fifth: Joy the Baker. This was an incredible group of people to spend the day with as I don't think I've laughed as hard, or as often, as I did on Saturday in a really long time. By the end of the night, as we sat in the hotel room giggling over things that could only be funny to a group of drunks, it felt like we had all known each other forever.

I honestly think the reason I didn't spend the day upset with myself for leaving Truman was because of the fun I was having with these girls. They helped me feel like my old self and at this point that feeling was really what I needed. Sunday and today I didn't think about clothes or going to the gym. Today I was content to be at home taking care of Truman because I had been able to spend a day relaxing and just thinking of the glasses of champagne in front of me and not trying to remember when I had last changed a diaper or fed the kid. The day away from Truman did more to remind me that I am still myself than any hour on a treadmill ever could and feeling confident that I'm still me actually made me a better mom today.

I bought my conference ticket thinking I would go and hear some incredibly talented food bloggers talk and I did do that, but I also ended up making some new friends who really helped me feel confident as a mom. That alone was so worth the price of my ticket. Thank you BlogHer for creating a situation where I got to meet this ladies and thank you ladies for giving me confidence.

Friday, September 25, 2009


Yesterday I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time since February. Don't judge me, while pregnant I knew would be suffering the pain of labor shortly so I decided to skip the joy of ripping hairs out of my face. This led to some very overgrown eyebrows, but whatever. It's not like keeping them shaped and groomed would have made me attractive, my huge stomach pushed me so far from that point that no amount of waxing could bring attractiveness back to my pregnancy body. Anyway, today I went and got my brows waxed, but before leaving the house I did something awful. I was hungry so I ate a tuna sandwich. Then I got in my car and drove to the waxer without even giving one thought to how awful my breath had to be and how close the waxer gets to your face during the appointment. Once there I realized what I had eaten and desperately searched for some gum or mints but I found nothing. I'm sure the waxer thought I was a total bitch when I only gave her one word responses to her questions, but really, it was for her own good.

Jparks went back to work on Monday leaving Truman and I to start our stay at home lifestyle. Things like the waxer situation where I act first and then think have been popping up all over the place because I am so disheveled. It seems the only thing I have a firm grasp on, and there's no chance in hell I'm letting go, is my wardrobe. I'm so terrified that I'll lose part of my personal identity to motherhood that I've become more obsessed with what I'm wearing than ever before. Basically I don't want to start down the slippery slope that ends with this:

Today I go to my OB and hopefully I'm all recovered from childbirth and am given approval to start working out again. I think part of the reason that I've developed my new clothing obsession is because while yes I have lost all my pregnancy weight, my body just isn't the same. My arms have gone flabby from not doing weights and my stomach is more pouchy than ever before. Also, my ass is huge, but that's always been the case. I don't even want to think about the leg muscles I've lost from not running in 10 months. During my pregnancy I hated that I had become such a stationary blob, and while I knew exercise some would be fine, I was just too sick to want to do anything more strenuous than walking from the bed to the couch. Now I feel like I have the chance to take control of my body again and I'm doing that by signing up for more fitness things than any person with a six week old should. I've found a 5K that I plan on running in November and a half marathon in February. I'm going today to tour the fancy new JCC because it appears to be the nicest gym in the area. And finally, I plan on getting information about a personal trainer because if you're going to go full force towards crazy exercise women, then you really need all the proper accessories.

I'm sure that shortly I'll burn myself out on being obsessed with clothes and working out, but until I reach that point Viva la Obsession! Time to wear my new favorite red heels and dig out my running shoes!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

help wanted

Sunday night I placed an ad on craigslist under the domestic gigs category. Basically I had spent the day staring at my massive pile of clean laundry and just couldn't take it anymore, so I posted explaining that I was looking for someone to help me fold, iron, and put away laundry once a week, and if time permits, take care of some other light housework. I offered to pay hourly, but since I have no idea what this kind of light housework should pay, I asked people to name their own pay rates.

Before we go any farther, let me give you two pieces of advice:

1. If you ever want blog fodder, post an ad on craigslist, because the responses! Holy hell, the responses are awesome.
2. When you post an ad on craigslist, don't use your main email address. Even though I had them make my email anonymous, my inbox has been flooded with responses. Seriously, we're talking over 150 so far.

At this point I'm not certain I'll end up hiring anyone because really, can't I handle doing my own laundry? (ha, I couldn't do my own laundry before life with a baby) But I am certain I need to share some of the responses with you:

"I'm a proud American, born on American soil." Wow, is someone a little xenophobic? I wonder what part of my ad made them think I'm looking specifically for an American. And not just some pansy-ass-not-proud American, but a Proud! American! who was born on American! Soil! America, Fuck Yeah! How awesome would it be if this person found out they were born in Canada because their parents were on vacation and their mom went into labor while there? What would they put on their cover letters if that were the case? How could they live with themselves?

"I like to foil clothes. I like clothes to be foiled like in stores." Thanks, but I've got all my foil hat needs met at this time.

"I would like to work for you. I like to do laundry. I don't iron." Ironing is the majority of what I need done. In fact, it says it right there in the ad. Perhaps next you could apply to be an astronaut. "I would like to travel. I like spaceships. I don't want to leave the Earth"

"I have experience with basic housekeeping. I can help you for $50 an hour." So wait, let me make sure I understand this, you want $50 an hour to do my laundry? Is this code for a prostitute? Have I stumbled on to some kind of secret craigslist sex ring? "Hey baby I love doing laundry, can I fluff your towel with my mouth?" And if we're not talking about $50 an hour for sex, is this person crazy? I want to email her back and say that if I could afford to pay her that much wouldn't I already have a full staff to attend to my every need?

Out of over 100 responses, three look promising because they are college students who could potentially become baby sitters. The rest of the applicants are either too crazy to allow into my house or too expensive for anything other than sex. Who knew good help was so hard to find.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I would give up all of these shows for a solid 12 hours of sleep

I pretty much knew going into this parenthood thing that being sleep deprived for awhile would be the norm. What I didn't know was just how much I would rely on my tivo and netflix to get me through the wee hours of the night when I'm so tried that I can't focus on much. I tried reading but when Truman's stuck to my boob, drool is gathering in the corner of my mouth, and my eyes are half open, the last thing I can focus on is a book. Honestly, even a magazine is a bit over my head at that point. It's safe to say that if I didn't have a tivo I'm sure that I would have fallen asleep during a feeding and dropped Truman.

So because I'm tired and I refuse to cave and give you guys more Truman pictures instead of real content, here are my thoughts on random crap I've been watching at night:

On Food Network a new show called "What Would Brian Boitano Make?" recently premiered and it's so good. I had no idea Brian Boitano had a sense of humor about himself, but he does and now I love him. In one episode he says he loves figure skating, riding his bicycle across rainbows, and cooking, then they show him riding his bike across a cartoon rainbow. I don't care if every recipe he features is total crap, the biking bit won the show a season pass on my tivo. (For the record all of his recipes seem tasty, but I haven't made any of them yet) Mr. Boitano, I see you're local, can I come over for dinner?

People, one word: Hoarders. This is the most depressing show on tv and yet I can't not watch, unless we're talking about the cat hoarder episode, which I deleted from my tivo so I wouldn't be tempted. I think the most depressing aspect of the show is that these people aren't magically fixed at the end of the episode and you know within a year they'll be back in the same situation. I mean, won't pitching all their crap just make them go out and get even more crap, even faster. I'm fairly certain that once a hoarder, always a hoarder.

I hate Cake Boss. Buddy is no Duff and their cakes aren't nearly as interesting as Ace of Cakes'. We get it, you're Italian and you make cakes. You're like the Godfather of bakeries. Yay for you.

When pregnant I became obsessed with pregnancy shows like "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." Now that I've had the kid, one would assume I would start watching shows like "Supernanny", but that's not the case. No, I've started watching wedding shows and my favorite is "Bridezillas." Basic premise of the show is that some women become crazy bitches about their weddings and their crazy bitch ways get filmed and aired for normal people to see. I thought the women on the show would be a little crazy, because if they were really crazy why would they sign up to air that on national tv? Holy crap, was I wrong. The women they feature are beyond really crazy. I want a behind the scenes episode where the producers tell how they find these women. Do they send in audition tapes and if so, can we see them? Also, can we have a follow up with some of the women? Did they watch their episodes and feel embarrassed? Did they manage to stay married? I need more info!

My baby can read but only if I buy him a five dvd set. Because watching tv is how most kids learn to read, right?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

fine, have it your way

I woke up this morning feeling rather refreshed and decided to make a blog post. Then I opened my site and it was broken. Well, not broken-broken, just broken temporarily. (Was it just me or was the internet kind of sickly today? First my blog died, then gmail died, and then twitter died. Of course, twitter dies all the time but the other two things were really bothersome.) By the time my site was back up and running I was no longer feeling refreshed and blog post-y. So I'm caving to your cries of "Shut up about the broken fridge and post some baby pictures!" It's nice to know that no one cares about me anymore, now it's all about Truman.

This kid loves to wave his arms in the air like he just doesn't care:

I took him to Target and couldn't figure out how to deal with him and a shopping cart. I ended up putting him, in his car seat, in the shopping cart, leaving no room for the crap I wanted to buy. I figured out breastfeeding with no issues yet shopping at Target with a baby is baffling my mind. Here he is before I piled him under boxes of cereal and bottles of hand soap:

Whitney came over recently and took some pictures of Truman for me. Here are two of the ones she took, the others are going on his birth announcement and they haven't arrived yet, so I don't want to share and ruin the surprise.

Who would have thought that jparks and I would make such a cute kid?