I've been spending a lot of time at the gym lately and am often freaked out by my fellow gym goers. I don't know if it's just this particular gym or if all gyms worldwide are overflowing with freaks but I'm sick of it and would like to offer the world my Official Rules For Gym And Locker Room Usage: stop being so damn weird and I won't have to punch you (tm)
Cutting your toenails in the locker room and leaving your trimmings on the floor is wrong. Going to find a custodian and telling them that someone else did it and asking that they clean it up is now illegal. Act like a reasonable human and clip your toe nails at home.
The lotion that is provided in the locker room is now off limits unless you sign a waiver saying you will not apply it while standing around stark naked.
Actually, let's just say that no one can just hang out in the locker room naked anymore. Everyone's allowed to be naked long enough to change clothes, but no one is allowed to blow dry their hair naked anymore. No more putting on makeup while naked. I assure you I'm not being unreasonable as the average age in the locker room is 65.
The benches in the locker room? No more sitting on them when you don't have on underwear.
When you're working out please no short shorts if you're any of the following: male, over 25 years, over 110 pounds.
If there are three treadmills and someone is on treadmill A, you may not get on treadmill B, you must get on treadmill C. This applies to all cardio equipment if there are more than two pieces of it.
Guys, if your penis is getting overly excited while you're doing crunches or bench pressing you must leave the gym. Grab a workout towel, hold it over the offending area casually, and leave. Trust me, way more people notice if you continue with your workout than if you leave.
If you look at me and think "I want to be her friend!" don't try to spark that friendship if I'm in the middle of my workout or changing in the locker room. These are not the times to make me your friend, they are, however, the times to make me your enemy.
If you're going to floss in the locker room, do it by the sinks, not by the lockers. I will knock your teeth out if I have to imagine your plaque being flung all over the lockers one more time.
If your gym bag, clothes, shoes, and toiletries are spread over a bench, a locker, the floor, and a counter then you have too much stuff. You're not the only person that needs to use the locker room, so make some space.
The dirty towels go in the bin labeled "towels" so stop leaving them on the floor for the custodians to pick up.
If you're a male trainer and happen to have a nice upper body, your uniform will now not include a shirt.
This list is not a final list by any means and as I see more offending behavior the rules will grow. These rules should be adopted by all gyms because who knows when I might visit another gym while on vacation.