Thursday, March 4, 2010

risking life and limb for bad weather protection

Friday night jparks and I went out for a date night. We had dinner at Xanh where I got a little tipsy and declared that I don't like people (but not you, you I like) then we saw Percy Jackson, which was awful and we spent the duration of the movie pining for New Orleans where you can order a daiquiri to help ease the pain of dumb movies, but none of that has anything to do with the rest of this story.

When we left the house it was raining so I decided to wear my new skinny jeans that I bought for the sole purpose of tucking into my lovely wellies. In the past I've discussed my disgustingly thick calves which do not fit into regular boots, and I hate to admit it but they have not changed. So when wellies are super cute and loose on other girls, they are snug and not as cute on me, yet I wear them anyway because no one likes wet feet.

So I was wearing my cute wellies all night and they were snug, especially since I crammed not only my calves and jeans into them but also a pair of violet welly socks. They weren't uncomfortable though, so I didn't think anything of it. Can anyone guess where this is going?

When we got home I tried to pull the left boot off and that's when things started to go downhill fast. The boot was completely stuck and the more I tugged on it, the more it became clear that it had no intention of budging. After a few pathetic moments of tugging on my own leg, I called in jparks to get the job done. It turns out the welliess were so stuck that jparks managed to pull me off the chair I was holding onto with a death grip when he yanked on them.

I thought the worst part would be just getting the wellies off my legs, but holy crap I was wrong. Once they were removed I realized my calves were on fire. And turning purple. It was not a good scene. I ended up not being able to sleep in pajama pants that night because having them rub around my legs was unbearable. And the only thing that made the sheets bearable was the ice packs I wrapped around my legs. Ice packs! The absurdity of the situation was not lost on me. I was crippled by my wellies! My feet stayed dry but I almost lost my legs below the knee. I probably gave myself deep vein thrombosis. It would be fitting if I died at the hands of my shoes.

It's still really rainy here but I haven't had the balls to wear the wellies again. Perhaps I can risk it if I skip the fleece socks. But damn they're cute. And isn't cuteness worth risking limb loss for?


  1. Thank you for sharing this experience. I think I've just decided against the fleece socks.

  2. I am sitting here, reading along, nodding and thinking of my Frye boots that might be (UM ARE) a half size too small. And how Matt always has to pull them off of me once I've been in them all day, and I honestly consider if he will be around when it comes time to take them off before I wear them. For shame, I know. I've never had to deal with the ice packs though. You're on your own there...

  3. I'm sorry, this is like the best story! These are the kinds of things blogs were invented for.

  4. What, no picture???

  5. Seriously. No pic? :-P

    I have similar "calf issues", so I've never even tired to do the whole jeans in boots look. You're a braver woman than me. Clearly.

  6. Try tights and a skirt with your Wellies. That's pretty much standard winter wear down here. (and so sorry that your calves turned purple and really hoping you are all better now)