jparks: (pointing to People magazine) Look, Jack Johnson has a beard! This means I should have a beard too!
me: (flipping the page) Just because Jack Johnson has a beard does not mean you need a beard. Look, Sting doesn't have a beard and he can have sex for 14 hours straight. If there ever was a compelling case for not having a beard, it is Sting and his sex.
Wait, move your hand! Ha, it's a picture of Sting with a beard! I totally get to grow one now AND have sex for 14 hours! I win!