Tuesday, September 28, 2010

remember to floss!

Today I went to the dentist for my yearly cleaning, only to learn that this particular dentist doesn't believe in yearly cleanings, he believes in twice yearly cleanings. When he said he would see me back in six months I nearly cried because the idea of enduring all the scrapping, puffs of air, and suction that comes with the cleaning are torture. And then I thought of the gritty tooth polish with it's swirling brush head and I did cry, but I passed it off as gagging over the xray thingy.

I am deathly afraid of needles, although I have gotten a little bit better since I was pregnant because there is nothing a doctor loves more than ordering blood work on a pregnant lady. I hate getting shots and am not above acting like a child when told I need to get one. The only exception to this are shots prior to dental work. Even though the needle is scarier and it's going in my mouth, these shots don't bother me in the slightest. I find the drool-y feeling of having half your face numb really interesting, especially when the drugs start to wear off, and since needles and shots are part of that process I guess I've just looked past my fear. This is just a long, long winded way of saying I would rather skip all my dental cleanings, let my teeth rot and fall out, and go in for repair work and I see nothing wrong with wanting this to be my dental plan for life.

And as if the cleaning wasn't bad enough (have I mentioned the gritty tooth polish? vomit) throughout my cleaning I kept smelling something. I had no idea what the scent was other than "perfume" and I knew it was coming from the dental tech because it went away when she did. I assumed she had on perfume and it made me hate her a little because if you're going to be that close to people's faces all day I think you should eliminate from your life all perfume or heavily scented lotions. But then I sat up and saw this:

green apple

Green apple scented exam gloves! That smell nothing like green apples! They should be outlawed.

After slyly taking that picture I looked to my left and saw these:
Smugly I thought to myself "Well, at least she didn't use the grape scented ones, I bet those are truly awful." Of course then the actual dentist came in and grabbed two fucking grape gloves to do his exam. I can now report that they smell like all the grape medicine I was forced to take as a child and then threw up.

After being given a clean bill of dental health I stopped at a 7-11 for a Big Gulp Diet Coke and this:
Because nothing says "I have no cavities!" quite like a big ball of sugar.


  1. that is beyond disgusting.
    did you switch to blogger?

    i do think they need to somehow flavor the stuff they use to make dental molds out of, though. it is the most repulsive stuff on earth.

  2. You do realize you ARE supposed to get your teeth cleaned every 6 months, don't you?

    My dentist gives you gift cards to Borders when you come in every 6 months. Talk about incentive!

  3. I swear my last dentist was every year. Am I remembering wrong? I'm going to have to double check my calendar.

  4. I am totally with you on the dentist hating thing. I dread it more than just about anything. If I could get all my teeth replaced with bionic teeth that required no maintenance I would seriously consider it. I also HATE flossing. I mean really really hate it. I'm having the hardest time pretending to be all about teeth care for Sylvia. We have so much *fun* brushing our teeth. Flossing is coming soon. Have you started that with Tru?

  5. I bet your dentist went to come Dentist Convention and the flavored-glove selling booth in the Exhibit Hall probably had some big boobied lady promising him that people just llllooooovvveee the last of flavored latex. And he bought, like, 50 crates of it.

  6. Yeah, the cleanings are semi-annual event. Sorry.