Tuesday, November 30, 2010

driver's ed

Almost every time jparks and I drive together we have the same debate about merging. It goes like this:

jparks: "I need to get over but I can't see, is it clear?"
me: "No, but it would be clear if you put your blinker on."
"That wouldn't matter, people are assholes and won't let me in."
"That's not true, I always put my blinker on when I want to merge and people always let me in. You claimed the drivers in California were asses and now you're claiming Texas drivers are asses too. Maybe it's not the other drivers, it's you for not using your blinker."
"No, asses, they're all asses!"

I just don't understand how he can be so antiblinker. In his defense he does put it on but right at the very last second but I do not think that is proper blinker usage. I think besides warning people that "Hey lookout, jparks is coming into your lane and you can't stop him!" it's a way to ask if you can merge. "Hello kind person in the next lane over. I would like to be where youa re. Might you allow that?" Sometimes you do have to strong arm your way over, but most times a blinker gets you where you need to be.

So what say you internet, is the word full of asshole drivers just out to get jparks or am I right and he should have his blinker on, asking to merge? Also, how much do you think other drivers hate jparks during traffic? I think a lot.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


It seems I am currently stuck without internet access which means I'm pecking this out on my phone. Peck Peck Peck. And then delete delete delete when the phone autocorrects to something crazy.

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving complete with lots of turkey, pies, Saints football, and family.

Is anyone going shopping tonight at 3am? Or maybe a little later in the day? If so, can you explain it to me? I mean, jparks and I have ventured out in the past but mostly because we thought it would be fun and if I had full browser access I would link to the story of the last time we went Black Friday shopping. We bought socks.

I know that there are deals to be had but are those off brand TVs and random toys that no kid really asked for really worth fighting the crowds over? Are the people that go out for these deals just out for the sport of it? Am I missing something?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

so sick of the car

An eight hour road trip turned into a ten and a half hour one, we nearly had one head on collision, I've had crap, crap, crappy food all day, there is not a gas station or fast food restaurant between Austin and New Orleans with a baby changing area, and jparks and I can't stop snapping at each other.

For Thanksgiving I plan on being thankful that the getting to family portion of our trip is complete. Now I just have to survive the getting back home portion. Ugh.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

have you seen my jeans?

Tonight I was packing for our trip back to NOLA and I went to my highly organized closet to find my skinny jeans but lo, they were not there. I checked the laundry hamper, but not there either. I checked in random drawers, in jparks' bins, on the catch all chair in the bedroom, under the bed, and in my old gym bag but they were in none of those places.

What I would like to know, is who stole my skinny jeans? I won't be mad if you did it, just please return them tonight as I need them.

However, if stealing them was some comment on the fact that with hips my size I don't need skinny jeans, then I will be mad. But please return them anyway.

Also, jeans stealer, did you happen to steal two pots from my kitchen? Because they're missing too and I would like them back. Pots are expensive, yo.

Monday, November 22, 2010

it's not all bad

Apartment living might suck but it is nice to walk out of our door and have this view:

Also being able to say "The meat counter at Central Market was fucking insane today. We're walking to Frank for dinner" is awesome.

Truman approves of Frank. Tonight he ate one hot dog so fast I thought maybe there was a competitive eating contest happening.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

home goods

While we were running the Warrior Dash yesterday a very nice friend was watching Tru for us. I guess a normal parent would have been worried about leaving their child with someone new and then driving 45 minutes away to an area with no cell phone coverage but my real concern was that Jenn would see our apartment.

When we first moved in and needed almost all new furniture I was gung-ho about getting this apartment turned into a home. We bought our dream couch, a media center that almost drove jparks crazy while building it, and my lovely desk. And then I was just kind of done. A few months after that my mom came to visit and so I finally got jparks to hang some art on the walls. And then again, I was just kind of done.

I guess it took a few months for the shine to wear off the apartment but it has and I am so over it. Between the late night fire alarms, the people smoking on balconies, and drunks yelling in the halls every weekend I'm seeing apartment living for what it really is; a giant pain in the ass. Our lease ends in May and while we don't plan on buying, we do plan on finding a house to rent.

Of course, this means our apartment is a bit under decorated and not quite how I want people to imagine I live. The media center is overrun with random magazines, cd cases (hi, welcome to our apartment where it is still 1996), and stacks of clean clothes. Our walls are half full with really random blank spots (Tru's room has two of three in a series of rockets hung. The middle picture is missing.) I don't even want to discuss the master bedroom where the overall theme seems to be "children's trike and fire proof safe."

I'm normally very "sure, come over anytime" but I guess that won't be happening for another six months or so unless you swear to not judge the apartment. Or unless I really, desperately need a babysitter. Then all bets are off, judge away just keep one eye on my child while you do it.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Warriors come out and plaaaaay

Today I climbed over cars, hurdled walls, climbed hay bales, walked a plank, trudged through a mud hole stream, rappelled a ravin, crawled across a horizontal cargo net, Catherine Zeta-Jonesed my way through a rope web, scaled a vertical cargo net, leapt over Warrior flames, and scrambled under barbed wire in a giant mud hole. And at the end I was hosed down with a fire hose because that's how Warriors get clean. I also might have flashed the parking lot my bum and chest while stripping from my muddy wet clothes.


So what'd you do today slacker?

Friday, November 19, 2010

my wishlist

The other day I tweeted this:
Picture 21
I got many "Yes!" responses from fellow parents because seriously once you become a mom, no one gives half a crap about what you want as a Christmas gift anymore. And while I might bitch and moan about this, I guess I'm okay with it. I mean, Truman really does like all the gifts and attention. Plus new toys for him means he'll be distracted and I can maybe pee all alone. Or brush my teeth for the full two minutes. I am drunk off the possibilities!

But if someone were to ask what I want for Christmas, these are probably the things I would tell them:

  • An Epiphanie Ginger camera bag in black. I bought a Kelly Moore camera bag last year and while I love it, it's showing some wear and tear. I made the mistake of buying it in grey and my jeans have rubbed the back half the bag dark blue. I've also always found it to be a hair too small. This time I'm going bigger and black. (heh!)

  • A Kindle cover with built in light. When I replaced my Kindle I opted for the warranty over a cover and now having my kindle bop around unprotected in my purse is making me nervous.

  • Everyday Food: Fresh Flavor Fast. I am trying so hard to cook at home without relying on preseasoned meats from Central Market. This would help.

  • Gunn's Golden Rules. Why would you not want Tim Gunn's life lessons?

  • Abobe Lightroom 3. I've had Photoshop for a few years now and I like it but after a free trial of Lightroom I think my loyalties have switched.

  • Jonathan Adler ornaments. Please, please, please promise me that if you're going to an ornament exchange this year you will bring one of these. Specifically the squirrel, elephant, or weiner dog.
  • Frank gift certificates. Because nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like pork.

  • Someone to watch Tru for three or four days so we can go on vacation. I'm not sure what store you can buy this in but keep looking, I'm sure it's out there.

  • Thursday, November 18, 2010

    bits and pieces vol. 2

  • Can anyone explain to me why I hate loading and unloading the dishwasher so much? It's a task that takes all of 5 minutes yet it makes me want to stab someone in the neck.

  • Are you looking for a new moisturizer or eye cream? You should buy these:
    DSC_1452editThey are the only reasons I look like a normal human anymore

  • I took my car to a car wash today and it took them an hour and a half to clean it. It's embarrassing that my car was that dirty. But at least it doesn't smell anymore.

  • I tried to make mint water at home today but accidentally bought basil. Sadly basil water is not as refreshing as mint water. Also, it's quite shocking to take a giant gulp of basil water when you're expecting mint water.

  • My house is falling apart and the animals are taking over. The cat is now self serving chips and I'm so tired I just don't care:

  • Wednesday, November 17, 2010

    at least the day's almost over

    Thank you for your answers on my last post! It's good to know that I can now stop making myself feel guilty for not leaving a reply to you in my comments. I was really beating myself up over this if you want to now the truth.

    Today has been kind of a crappy day complete with a child that refused to nap, then when he finally went down I laid on the couch only to get puked on by the dog.

    I believe this about sums up my feelings regarding today:
    Yes son, it is a face plant while screaming kind of day.

    Tuesday, November 16, 2010

    I have questions for you...

    As we all know from my whining, jparks moved my blog over to Blogger from Wordpress recently and I was (am) not too happy about it. I've noticed a few things since the transition that have left me with some questions regarding feed readers and comments and I'm hoping you can shed some light on the situation. Let's begin! (Bonus: No technical knowledge required)

    One of the things I loved about Wordpress was that people had to provide an email address when leaving a comment. This meant I could email a response directly to the person rather than leaving the answer in another comment that the person may never see. Blogger does not provide me email addresses for comments so unless I know your address already I can't reply to you. I've been hesitant to leave replies in the comments because I seriously doubt you care enough to come back to check for a response. We're all busy people, I'm just happy you even take the time to read what's here and leave a comment. (This sounds way bitchier than I mean it. I'm honestly just happy you took the time to stop by.) So what's the general opinion, are replies in the comment section good or once you leave your comment are you done checking the post?

    The other thing that I've noticed (that's not directly related to Blogger) is that since moving platforms, the number of people using the feed to my site has gone from a healthy number to six. I know this is not a mass exodus of people removing the feed, it's because my url changed but still, bothersome. Since moving I've been linking (almost) every post on twitter, which is something I do not like to do. I don't consider myself a professional blogger and for some reason I see this as a professional move and an annoyance to the people that follow me. For the record, I do not find it annoying if you do it so please don't take this as as attack on anyone that puts links there. This is a long winded way of asking if things like Google Reader are dead to everyone but me. Do most people get here through my tweets with links? Do I need to continue to do that? Is Google Reader about to go the way of Wave and disappear forever because it's me and five others using it?

    So friends, what's your opinion on these things of little importance to the world but of great importance to me?

    Monday, November 15, 2010

    about Saturday night

    Like I was saying before I was distracted by a faux fire alarm and jparks' wardrobe issues, on Saturday night we went out because I won entry to a pinball arcade's preview night. I had high hopes for the place as I love pinball, but sadly it was just meh. The location was awful and the interior of the arcade was very business office with desks removed. They did have a great selection of pinball games (nerd ahoy!) so at least it had that going for it. Also this person was there:

    Those would be purple leopard print tights with nothing over them expect for a lovely raccoon tail. Is the tail a sign that she's a furry or is it just a fashion accessory?

    We ended up only staying at the arcade for thirty minutes and then we went hunting for other things to do. We honestly were at a loss so we ended up where all old married couples with kids that never go out anymore head to on dates; the mall. After a brisk walk around there we headed back downtown for dessert at Lambert's.
    So good:
    There was even a band playing:
    Just like all of our night's out now, it wasn't the most exciting thing ever, but it was still a pretty dang good time.

    Sunday, November 14, 2010

    apartment living sucks

    Hey, guess what? We had another fire situation last night at 3am! But this time instead of there being a real issue it was just some drunk pulling the alarm to be funny. At least I assume the person was drunk because why the hell else would you pull the alarm at 3am in a building that is not a dorm?


    The only up side to this is that I can now proudly say the Parkses are fire alarm experts. I had us out with a fully dressed child complete with stroller, diapers, wipes, blankets, snacks, and toys in no time at all. Also, I had one real shoes and not crocs. We even remembered to grab the Time Machine from the closet. We are fire champions! But holy hell, I hope to never have to use these skills again. Come on lease, hurry up and end!

    Saturday, November 13, 2010

    pick a pair to wear

    Tonight jparks and I went out (does "date night" grate on anyone else or is that just a me thing?) and over dinner this conversation happened.

    me (heavy on the sarcasm): Would it make your life easier if I sewed labels into all your clothes with letters? Then you could match "A" tops to "A" pants and "B" sweaters to "B" shirts?

    jparks: Yes! That would actually be amazing and I wouldn't be so pissed off in the mornings anymore! I could easily grab items and know they work with each other!

    You guys, he wants Garanimals for adults! And I don't honestly know what's more pathetic, the fact that he wants this or that I'm honestly considering doing it for him. Or maybe I could make him one of those outfit maker programs like Cher has on Clueless.

    I dare you to watch that trailer and not want to watch Clueless immediately.

    Friday, November 12, 2010

    little debbie memories

    Today I went to Target and while that is nothing special on it's own, the fact that I found an endcap covered in Little Debbie holiday snack cakes there is very, very special.

    Growing up we lived with my grandparents and there were always Little Debbie snack cakes in the house. I'm fairly certain that from five years old to ten I ate some variety of a Little Debbie every night after dinner. I remember always having Fudge Rounds and Swiss Rolls around but my favorite was the Jelly Creme Pie and I even had a specific way of eating it. I nibbled the edges until I got to the jelly in the center and then I ate that in one bite. Then I probably started this process again with another one because everyone knows Little Debbie snacks can not be consumed one at a time.

    I have always been on the lookout for the Jelly Creme Pies and even though Little Debbie still has them listed on their site, I really do not believe they exist anymore. Look, no pies within 50 miles of my zip code!
    Picture 41

    That's what made the holiday endcap at Target so special, it contained a close replica of my pie. I ended up buying three boxes of snacks because the idea of sharing them with Tru just made me so excited.

    Yeah, I opened the cherry cordials before I even got home. Don't look at me like that, I couldn't help myself.

    Jparks ate some of the holiday snack cakes:

    And I dove into another cherry cordial:

    I know these aren't the prettiest desserts you'll find but for me it's not about looks, it's about the feeling that comes with eating them. This is also why I only routinely buy Oatmeal Creme Pies as I have no childhood fondness for those, although the same cannot be said for jparks. It would not be an exaggeration to say he can eat a box in one night. I guess we're all weak when faced with childhood memories.

    Thursday, November 11, 2010

    I went shopping!

    Tonight I went to a Sephora Beauty Insider event and I swear at some point Sephora was a respectable store, but now it's, ugh, a different beast all together. Now they sell crap like this:
    1289530698046 (1)
    I'm sure those go on clear so why make them look like a melted icee and the ooze that mutated the turtles into Teenage Ninjas? I am old and I don't understand!

    And while I might be too old to understand the appeal of those lip glosses, I am not too old to think this sample is actually sperm:
    Very Precious Fluid = Sperm.

    I'm sorry, but if you buy this crap I have the right to steal your wallet because you can not be trusted with it:

    The thing that really pushed me over the edge was this:
    I thought "How odd, a rubber duck" and then I picked it up.
    You guys, Sephora sells vibrators! I Rub My Duckie vibrators! Even the salesgirl we were harassing about it couldn't explain what the hell is up with this. I just can't imagine that anyone in need of a vibrator will be looking for one at Sephora.

    I miss old Sephora where the most scandalous products were the glitter eyeliners, not jewel stickers that could only be meant to bedazzle your vagina:

    Wednesday, November 10, 2010

    there's more here than just a rant, I swear

    On Monday my lovely new car started having an issue, the tire pressure warning light came on for one minute after start up and then went off. According to the manual this meant a defect was happening and I needed to take it in for service. Jparks decided to drop the car off with Volkswagen on his way to work and take their shuttle into the office. When I made the appointment they told me it would be a less than a day repair and I would have my car back that afternoon, no problem at all. If I were a professor lecturing you before a midterm I would repeat that line multiple time and maybe even have it on a slide for extra impact. Less than a day. Car back that evening.

    All day I pinged jparks asking if VW had called. And of course they hadn't. Finally at 4:15 jparks asked me to call VW and see what the deal was. Long story short, the error message was something than had never seen before and they had no idea how to handle it. For me to get this information it took a couple of phones calls to the service department while my "service handler" ran around on his cell trying to convince me that he actually knows how to do his job.

    In the end my car was ready the same day but not until well after 5pm. The catch was the shuttle stopped running at 5pm and they called to give me a new finished estimate at 4:50. When I asked, at 4:50, if the shuttle could pick jparks up from work, my handler said no. Maybe I'm spoiled by luxury car dealerships, but this was unacceptable. They obviously knew he had no car as they were working on the car and they had to shuttle his ass to the office. I ended having to drive to North Austin to pick jparks up from work and just getting to him took 52 minutes (yes I timed it with my phone because I was crazy pissed). Then it took us another 30 minutes of traffic to get home. All with a screaming child in the car who was pissed because I had no snacks since I didn't know I was about to fight traffic. Thanks a fucking lot Volkswagen!

    Normally I'm more than willing to cut people slack but last night I was mad. Like couldn't stop raging against VW all evening, ranting that I was ready to go pick my car up in the morning and burn my bridges with them because I had already found another VW service department in Austin and would happily be taking my business there from now on. I had vowed to go into the service department in the morning and give the manager an idea of how mad I was.

    You can probably guess what really happened.

    By this morning my raging anger had diffuse to a simmer and I just could not work up the energy to release my fury. I calmly walked into the service department and asked for my keys. Even when they admitted that they couldn't find them and they sent me on a wild goose chase to find them, I couldn't get angry. Finally the keys were located and my car was pulled around to the front. I calmly got Tru settled in, adjusted my seat and radio settings, and went on my way.

    The situation is now totally behind me and I still have the intention of taking my car to another dealership for repairs from now on but I'm also still annoyed with myself for not voicing my dissatisfaction. Was it the right thing to do to blow the whole situation off? Should I have complained even though my anger was mostly gone? Was I just being a pushover? Should I write a letter to the manager now or has the moment passed? Am I expecting too much from the VW service department?

    Dammit VW, I'm feeling like playing the punch buggy game, can I use your service department manager as the target?

    Tuesday, November 9, 2010

    laundry! It's really not exciting.

    The other night when I got sick, I just couldn't stand to be in the bed anymore so I moved to the couch where I could watch some Daily Show while I died from jparks' monkey disease. The only problem is that the couch looked like this:
    Dear laundry,
    Okay, so that picture is a month old but my couch still looks exactly like that but with fresher laundry.

    I'm not sure how much laundry a family of three usually produces but I feel like us Parkses definitely excel at this task. We average two loads a day and holy hell, that can't be normal.

    I wish I were better about putting away the laundry so I could actually enjoy the couch but it's just not happening. When we were in California I was a little better about it since we had a tv in our bedroom and tv will motivate me to do just about anything. Smear zombie guts all over myself? Can I watch Gossip Girl while I do it? Then yes, sign me up! Mental note: next move be sure to measure bedroom for tv capabilities.

    So our two daily loads end up in a pile on the couch and sit there until Tuesdays when I do a mad dash of a pre-clean because the real cleaners come on Wednesdays. And even then the cleaners still eye my slightly downsized pile and ask if they should just clean around it. Yes, just scoot my large pile of shame to one side please!

    When I relocated to the couch early Sunday morning I burrowed under the clean clothes and settled in to watch the Daily Show. I was in no way comfortable yet I have made no extra effort to clear the couch this week. The only solution seems to be to make less laundry but I see no way to do that unless we become nudists. I wonder if the cost of sending all our clothes to a wash and fold laundromat would be cheaper than Tru's future therapy bills for having nudist parents. Probably. I think my decision has been made.

    For the record, I think I whine about laundry at least once every year. It's a tradition! Yes, you are experiencing deja vue!

    Monday, November 8, 2010

    ain't marriage grand

    jparks just made a cup of chai and is standing behind me while he drinks it.




    I'm fairly certain I will grab that cup in about five seconds and smash it over his head.

    Sunday, November 7, 2010

    in sickness but not much health

    In October jparks went to California and while he was gone I got sick. Nothing big, just a few times puking and some tiredness but I was back to normal pretty quickly. He returned home and a few days later came down with a stomach flu that took him out for a solid week. Then a week later he was dying again from another round of the stomach flu. It's a safe assumption that I called him a delicate flower for dying from something that I recovered from in less than a day.

    Well, fucking joke's on me as I'm now dying from the stomach flu. My theory is that I had a mild version of it, but then it mutated in his man-monkey body into something awful. I've been feeling like crap and unable to keep anything down since last night. I've spent all day in bed watching crap movies:
    step up 2 the streets
    In fact, I'm not sure if the puking was really related to a bug or the awful viewing choices I was making.

    Wish us luck for the rest of the week because it appears now we're just passing the germs back and forth. Let's hope Truman stays out of this loop.

    Now please excuse me as netflix instant queue is calling.

    Saturday, November 6, 2010

    Today was full of ridiculousness

    First we tried to go to the Gypsy Picnic but the lines for each food truck were two hours long. Two hours! For food you can literally get every other day for less than a 10 minute wait. No, I don't understand either. We walked in and then turned right around and walked out.

    While walking home we stumbled upon a dog street festival celebrating the architecture of dog houses. I know. Yet it was much better than the Gypsy Picnic. Also there were lots of dogs wearing sweaters, which I later learned was because they was a dog fashion contest.

    Later, after Truman's nap, we took him for a bike ride and jparks announced "I would like pie!" I suggested we head to Quack's so we set off on a quest for pie. Jparks ended up with honey maple pecan pie and I ended up with a glass of prosecco and a cookie shaped like a pig wearing a plaid shirt. I just love their decorated cookies so damn much.
    And because I can't ever just buy one thing there, I have a spice cupcake with maple icing for tomorrow.
    spice cupcake

    Friday, November 5, 2010

    bits and pieces vol. 1

    • I'm trying out the new Tresemme dry shampoo because it is significantly cheaper than my old dry shampoo. So far I've used it one time, today, and every time I touched my hair I thought "This must be what Vanessa on Gossip Girl's hair feels like." In other words it made my hair feel weird and not good. And like I should be written off the show for the love of god.

    • I understand that just a few days ago I was shouting "bring on the holidays!" but I have since changed my mind. All this talk of holiday shopping guides is making me twitchy because I dread gift shopping ever so much.

    • Tonight I have rekindled my love affair with the delicious No Pudge Brownie. I topped it with my light peppermint whipped cream and happiness oozed from my pores. Try it, you'll like it!

    • I have never really had a plant and when we moved here I decided that I needed to get some. I bought these:
      which are lovely, but I have no idea what to do with them. They've now lived on my kitchen window sill for 5 months with minimal water and attention. I'm kind of hoping they'll just die so I don't have to actually interact with them. Believe it or not, I am a wonderful mother to Truman.

    • I am long overdue for a google reader purge. This weekend I plan to attack it with no guilt for cutting feeds. Goodbye stupid gimmick site that I always mark as read without reading! Goodbye train wreck blogger that I don't actually like!

    Thursday, November 4, 2010

    pms: it's not just for women anymore

    This morning was a not a good morning. I have a friend in town and wanted to get out the door in a timely manner to meet her but jparks decided to throw a wrench into my plans by pms'ing. He declared that none of his clothes matched or fit right and he had nothing, absolutely nothing to wear to work. Then he proceeded to do this:
    Sorry for the crappy picture, I can't find my speedlight for the d80

    That would be all of his button down shirts and some of his pants thrown on the bed during his fit of frustration. It would be a safe assumption that I nearly murdered him. When he told me that I needed to dress him today I responded, through gritted teeth, that it's my job to dress the child but as an adult he is on his own. We've been married long enough now that he should know not to screw with me precoffee.

    And, as if this whole clothes freak out wasn't enough to crush my will to live, I got ready to make my iced coffee only to realize I left my mint chocolate soy milk sitting on the table all night. And right next to it was my egg nog soy milk. fuuuuuuck. I'm so glad I bought both of those the night before and spent my dream time imagining the perfect cup of iced coffee I would get in the morning.

    The only redeeming thing was that I remembered this was in my fridge:

    I added it to the top of my beverage and it was exactly the oomph I was hoping for. If you live near a Safeway or Randalls I suggestion you pick up a bottle or 10. Also, it's light with only 15 calories per serving so you won't feel any guilt when you random grab it from the fridge and squirt it directly into your mouth.

    Wednesday, November 3, 2010

    sleep disorder

    Jparks and I are in a bedtime stand off. He's gotten it into his head that he sleeps better if he's at angle in the bed. I've gotten it into my head that he's wrong. It's not comfortable for me and how can sleeping at an angle be any more comfortable then sleeping straight up and down? For the record, we have a Tempur-pedic mattress that is less than 2 years old so it's not like the springs on his side are starting to lose springiness. He just likes to be a pain in the ass, even when unconscious.

    Here's a delightful illustration of how we sleep at night:
    jparks sleeping
    Basically I am left with a renegade leg shoved into my side or chest. It is the most uncomfortable way to sleep. That's a scientifically proven fact.

    Here's how jparks slept while he was sick and I slept on the couch:
    jparks sick
    I added a sad face since he was sick and sheet because I got all fancy and figured out how to make a squiggly line. He swears he slept better making that clockwise rotation around the bed until he hit the exact right spot stretching from side to side.

    Last night he convinced me to try rotating and sleeping at an angle and it was awful. I ended up with one leg kind of stuck out for him to cuddle and, of course, he said it was just so amazingly comfortable, how could I not like it?!? What kind of freak am I to want to sleep with my head towards the top of the bed and my feet pointing at the bottom?!?

    I see no way for us to come to a compromise over this unless the purchase of a second bed is involved. And while I could only dream of having that kind of sleeping real estate at my disposal, I am so not ready to become that couple. So straighten up and sleep right jparks! Look how happy we are when we both sleep the right direction. Don't you want this kind of happiness?


    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    lather, rinse, get off

    I know that when I put pictures on flickr I'm opening my life up to all kinds of weirdos. You can look at my blocked user list to see that I have no problem blocking a shoe fetish person faster than they can get off over a pair of high heels. It's become par for the course to upload a shoe picture and end up blocking someone within the first day of it being on there for starring, so it was surprising but not earth shattering when at least ten someones starred a picture of me in my rain boots. In fact, some many people starred that picture that I had to make it friends and family only because I'm pretty sure it got linked to on a fetish page. But like I said, not earth shattering.

    Also, rain boots? Really? I never would have thought those were the sexiest shoes I own.


    Today I logged into flickr and noticed someone starred an older picture from my stream of me post lime cat hair cut. Anytime someone stars an older picture of mine I click through to their profile to dig a bit and make sure they aren't a freak. Since this was a post haircut picture I thought maybe this person was just stupid and going to get that same awful cut I subjected my head to. Wrong! It turns out the person appears to have a hair stylist/hair cutting fetish. Folks, I am not a sheltered person and yet this shocked me.

    Can you imagine being the hair stylist to this person? Do you think he (or she, I can't tell from the profile) creeps the stylist out at their appointments? Or maybe he is like "No, I really need to come back in two weeks for a trim! My hair just grows so fast! And next time could you really rub hard during the shampoo?" To each their own, but ugh.

    Flickr, you will never cease to amaze me.

    Monday, November 1, 2010

    November! Finally!

    Can I get an amen for Halloween being over? No? I'm the only feeling like that?

    For months I have had the best Halloween costume picked out and for months I have been rattling off how awesome it was to jparks because I just knew it would be. Then this last week hit and the onslaught of Halloween related activities started and I was just so over it. Were we in November yet? Could I start dreaming of turkey and cranberry sauce or did I still need to think about pumpkins? Could I pack away Tru's costume and move onto thinking about his outfit for holiday pictures?

    Our Halloween started with a fire in our apartment building at 4am. No one was hurt and there was little to no damage which leads to me to believe there was really just a lot of smoke and the actual fire was just some drunk college kid trying to make a late night snack. The leasing office has provided no details about what actually happened other than to say it wasn't a drill, so all I can do is speculate. The only upside to being stuck outside for an hour with a sick husband, a pissed off baby, and an angry dog was you could totally tell who didn't live in our building and had ended up here as a Halloween booty call. Lots of girls dressed in slutty costumed that were hastily thrown back on. Also girls dressed in bed sheets. Classy!

    The thing that was the most upsetting to me was that in our haste to leave the apartment I threw on my slippers which are actually crocs. I know, I know. But normally they never leave my apartment. Once outside I realized that if our building burned down all I would be left with is a pair of pink crocs so next time I'm heading out in my pajamas and a pair of Louboutins. Maybe jparks can remember to grab the Apple Time Machine so we don't lose our hard drives. That should cover all our essentials: shoes and pictures.

    That night Tru and I headed over to a friend's house to watch trick-or-treaters and help hand out candy. The kid was freaking adorable in his dragon outfit:
    Happy Halloween!
    And here he is ditiching me to go chase down a girl. Jparks' DNA is strong in him:

    Overall, even with me skipping my costume and wishing it to be over, we had fun. Now it's time to start obsessing about Thanksgiving and Christmas only to have a change of heart a week before each and wish it were January.