Wednesday, February 22, 2012

the regan parks' half marathon training plan*

*Not a training plan at all, not even in the slightest. Please be not as dumb as me.

  • Have friends mention the race and then stupidly sign up before you really think about what training means
  • Sign up for a training plan. Follow week #1 of it.
  • Have your youngest child stop sleeping through the night. Realize that holy shitballs, it's hard to get up for a run at 5am when you just managed to get the child back to bed at 4am. 
  • Continue to receive training plan emails, laugh at the distances you're supposed to be running.
  • Go to the gym, run 20 minutes on the treadmill, feel like you're going to suffer a heart attack.
  • Sign up for a Turkey Trot thinking a race sooner will motivate you to get out of bed at 5. 
  • It won't
  • Run the 5 mile Turkey Trot, think "5 miles wasn't so bad," rework your training plan. You have less time but it's still doable!
  • Sleep in every morning. Go for runs but never ones that are more than 3.1 miles.
  • Go to Disney World the week before the half marathon. Abandon your diet and stop doing all exercise. Give your mind a workout by coming up with excuses to tell your running partner to get out of the race.
  • Acknowledge that there is no getting out of the race, pick up your packet IMG_20120218_131553_1
  • The night before do some carb loading:pre-race carb loading
  • Also sleep on the couch the night before to ensure you get a crappy night's sleep
  • Wake up at 5am on race day, feel like you're going to puke
  • Drag yourself to the start line, don't look your running partner in the eye for fear she'll know you didn't train and your plan involves dying around mile 6.
  • Run. Don't die. Walk a couple of the biggest hills (which are all in the final 3 miles, what the hell?)
  • Cross finish line in 2 hours 40 minutes. Be amazed that your stubbornness just carried you 13.1 miles.
I paid money to run before the sun was even up. Sometimes while I'm doing these races, I look around and realize how stupid us runners are but then I get excited that I've found my people.


  1. Congratulations!!! You are way more motivated than I am, even according to your training plan. I keep telling myself, "I'm going to run tonight! I'm going to do it!" and then I don't. And I never get up early to do it because then I'd have to wake up, run, shower and still get to work by 8 and ewwww.

    ANYWAY. You look great. <3 You should be proud of yourself!! You did the half marathon!!

  2. Amazed, Regan! You're now my running inspiration, you should know.

  3. Haha, this sounds an awful lot like the path I am currently going down in my half marathon planning. I keep saying I'm going to start and that the race is a long ways away (June), but neither of those things are actually true. Congrats on running the race!

  4. You are awesome! Pretty sure if I tried this I would actually die around mile 2.

  5. yeah, i'm doing one next weekend on roughly the same training plan. add half an hour to the finishing time, though.

  6. CONGRATS! That is awesome!

    This is essentially my plan for an 8k, which is also 5 miles. It's in a month. I almost died running 6 minutes straight last night.

    Thankfully they give us beer at the end of the race. That should encourage me.

  7. I've said it before, and will say it again-you are a stud! Best running buddy ever. I'm ridiculously proud of us. That reminds me, I have some pictures to send you.

  8. You are one tough broad. So proud of you.

  9. I saw this through Shutterbean! My favourite line is "Sometimes while I'm doing these races, I look around and realize how stupid us runners are but then I get excited that I've found my people." I feel like this a lot of the time!! Hilarious. And Congratulations!