Tomorrow is jparks’ company’s Holiday Party and I reluctantly bought a new dress for it. Why reluctantly? Because I had a dress that I’ve only worn twice, that would have been fine, but jparks decided he has seen me in it too much and I should get a new dress. And his preference was one that was not strapless and a-line, which is the basic design of every dress I own. (when you find a fit that works you tend to stick with it).

One day, while wandering around various stores, I found this dress:

It was cute, but not something I would normally buy, which I knew would make jparks happy. Empire waisted with cream trim on the arms, all cut from velvet, I knew I was going out on a limb when I brought the dress to the register but, dammit, I was determined to try something new!

I waited until I was home, in the privacy of my own apartment, to try it on. It turns out the dress fits, kinda. It fits in a way that makes me look knocked up. Or like I’m wearing a tent. And a whole troop of kids could camp out under me and have plenty of room to play campfire games and tell ghost stories. So basically, it does the exact opposite of what my tried and true strapless a-line cut dresses do, it makes me look pretty big.

So here’s the dilemma, do I wear the dress and make jparks happy (he has seen me in it and hasn’t commented one way or another about it) or do I dig through my closet and find an alternative?

At this point, since the party is tomorrow, I think I’m just going to wear it. It’s got a little girl look about it, so I’m going tonight to hunt for some tights and patent leather, high heel mary janes to wear with it. And to complete the look I’m going have Lauren make me a little sign to wear that says “this dress is supposed to make me look pregnant”

Or maybe I’ll tell everyone at the party that I am pregnant, and could they swing by the bar and grab me another martini, please?

How are you saving me from divorce? By buying this for me:

I neeeed it. I waaaaant it. I am utterly and hopelessly in lurve with it. And if I buy it jparks is sure to divorce me immediately.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not overly expensive (it’s a little expensive, but not overly), and jparks won’t understand or see my need for it. He’ll say “You have enough cardigans and sweaters, you don’t neeeed that one too.”

But he’ll be so wrong. And every night I spend without it in my closet I’ll cry a single, sad tear.

So come on, click here and buy me this sweater in a size medium. Because you don’t want to see me get divorced over something so trivial, do you?

Can we talk about my unshaven legs for a minute? Yes? Great!

I can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs. I know it’s been a while but the exact date of the last shaving eludes me. Maybe it was when we went to DisneyWorld, so the end of October. There is no reason why I’ve held out on shaving them, just a combination of laziness and laziness. I have to wake up an extra 15 minutes early to shave and 15 minutes is a lifetime when we are talking about sleep.

But its been so long since I last shaved that if I were to shave my legs in the morning I would easily have to wake up an extra 45(!) minutes early. No way in hell is that happening. Why 45 minutes? I’m assuming the thick leg hair would be too much for a normal razor and I would have to use jparks’ head shaver first to thin the field. And then chase that with my regular razor. Hmmm, is 45 minutes even going to be enough time?

I could just shave at night, but then I’ve got stubble in the morning and I might as well not shaved. (this is actually not true at all, I shave and don’t have stubble for a few days. I’m just to lazy to shave at night)

I guess I’m lucky because jparks doesn’t care much about the length of hair on my legs. I think as long as it’s shorter than his he’s okay with it. And mostly I wear pants to work and that contains the hair so my coworkers aren’t scared. If I have to wear a skirt (as I’m doing today) I wear knee high boots and make sure the skirt and boots overlap.

I think I’ll have to break down and shave on Friday for jparks’ company’s Holiday Party. I can’t show up in a super cute cocktail dress with hairy legs. That would just ruin the look.

Jparks and I are home from NOLA and as a thank you for letting us stay with him, we left Jeremy, jparks’ brother, some new man panties. And took all of his boxers back with us to California. And boy, are those man panties something special. We left an assortment in lavenders, pinks, neon yellows, oranges, and teals. Some had unicorns on them, some rainbow colored butterflies, and some had cute sayings like “I love my mom” or “Just call me tiny” right across the crotch.

Man, when Jeremy goes to get dressed in the morning and finds his new man panties he is going to be sooo grateful. I bet he won’t even be able to come up with words for how happy he is.

…because waiting for me at home are my Moo Cards. I’m tragically unhip since I’m currently without Moo Cards. oh to be cool, it’s all I ask for out of life.

I’m also ready to go because I’m tired. Being here has worn me out more than our trip to Disney. It’s been a constant go go go of visiting friends, seeing my grandfather in the hospital, and hanging out with family. I’m sure last night’s trip to the Quarter, where I consumed more alcohol in one night than I have in the past six months, has nothing to do with me being completely and utterly pooped.

I’m so tired that jparks has had to resort to other women for loving. And if I’m going to be perfectly honest, his new women are real bitches.

One of the things I wanted to do while in NOLA was walk around town and take pictures. Uptown, City Park, the French Quarter, all places I wanted to visit. So far I’ve been Uptown, but the only pictures I took were these:

Today we are going to the LA Renaissance Festival and, while I’m sure I’ll take plenty of pictures there, they won’t be of things I think are uniquely New Orleans. I have enjoyed everything I’ve done, nothing beats talking with friends about shoving frozen Twinkies up your loved one’s butt, but maybe next time I visit I need to come without a to do list.

Last night Bill gave my niece and nephew the best worst coloring book ever created.

Look kids you get to color some marijuana, a crack pipe, and a razor blade! Awesome!

Seriously, what kid would not want to color this?

Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for having the day off from making a post. What? I have to make a post? Damn, you people are slave drivers.

A few days ago I saw this on dsandler.org and decided that I had to do it as well. The pictures were taken on Tuesday, the last day I worked this week. Some pictures are on the blurry side, as I was using my camera phone some hours. (read as: I was too lazy to dig around under my desk and get out the D80)

9am: I overslept and am only leaving for work, rather than actually being at work on time.

10am: It was my boss’ turn to bring coffee and he didn’t show up with it until 10. We are going to need to discuss this arrangement if he wants to keep trading off days.

11am: Looky, I went to a secretive, private, exclusive establishment known as our mailbox.

noon: Getting my NaBloPoMo post for today completed.

1pm: I went to Stanford mall during my lunch. yay for shopping during the work day.

2pm: Time to check my email and to have another cup of coffee. Iced this time.

3pm: I had to run out to my car and stop to take pictures of myself. You know, because I’m so pretty.

4pm: I had just finished a phone call to one of our venues to discuss all the problems we’ve been having with service. Is it really too much to ask for juggling albino midgets, riding on unicorns to be in our suite for every event? I think not.

5pm: Stopping to get dinner, which was a mistake as every person in the South Bay Area was shopping for Thanksgiving

6pm: Dinnertime. The chicken doesn’t look very appealing, but it was tasty.

This was fun, maybe we’ll do it again soon.

Since I’m flying out of San Jose at 4:30 in the morning, I’m again, pre-writing my post for the day.

I’m heading home to NOLA and in honor of that I’m creating my to do list while there:

1. see family (duh)
2. see friends (again, duh)
3. eat red beans and rice
4. eat gumbo
5. eat beignets
6. go to a Saints game (I know this is impossible since the whole season is sold out, but darn it, I want to go to a game)
7. drink iced coffee from PJ’s
8. drink iced coffee from CC’s (NOLA sure does love its two letter coffeehouses)
9. visit Magazine Street
10. eat a praline
11. eat at Slice
12. go shopping at Chi-wa-wa-ga-ga (small store for dinky dogs)
13. take a ton of pictures

So, apparently I’m going to be eating a lot while I’m home. hmph.

Today jparks and I counted the number of pairs of shoes I have. It’s bad. Really really bad.

On Sunday I went to the Container Store and bought some more of their shoe boxes. My shoes boxes now stack up to the bottom of my clothing. And my clothing hangs about 3 1/2 feet off the ground.

I’ve vowed to not buy anymore pairs of shoes until the end of the year, but I see now I’m going to have to break that vow as I need shoes to go with the dress I’m wearing to jparks’ company holiday party. I figured I would even out buying this new pair by ebaying a few pairs I currently own. But it seems there are maybe only one or two pairs I can actually imagine parting with. I’m pretty sure I need to get rid of more than that to balance out my next shoe purchase. Unless I can find a cheaper pair than the ones I am currently ohhing and ahhhing over.

In case you’re wondering, I’m up to 52 pairs of shoes. Doesn’t seem like a lot? Remember, 1 year and 2 months ago I lost all my shoes, except for 2 pairs. So yeah, I am ready to admit that I have a problem.