Now that I’m back from vacation it’s time to face reality and admit that I need to go on a diet. I’ve been avoiding this subject for a while because who wants to admit that they’re carrying a few extra pounds, but one thing happened on vacation and it pushed me to see the truth. Abby, as cute as could be (except for in that picture I linked to. There she is screaming bloody murder because, dear god don’t say it, we took her to Disney World and made her go see a show! Such horrible people we are, we should be tortured.) walked up to me, rubbed my belly, and asked if I was having a baby.
A moment after Abby did this I laid down on the cobblestone streets of Disney and died as Cinderella and Snow White pranced around me singing about how great it is to be a size 4. Skinny bitches. It was the smell of freshly roasted turkey legs that brought me back to life.
Now that I’m back home it’s time to take action. Diet, diet, diet, but which diet to pick?
Jparks favors South Beach because you have a list and you eat anything on that list you want. If it’s not on the list, you don’t eat it. Simple, right? Except for the part about how you want certain things like you’ve never wanted them before just because now you can’t have them. Beets, not on the list, but you want some. You want some so badly you would consider selling off family heirlooms to get a beet salad. Good bye Grandma’s pearls, hello beets! My other complaint with South Beach is that I’ve never made it through the first two week phase without getting sick. I’m sure that I’m missing vital vitamins and nutrients by only eating things on the list, but who needs to be healthy if you’re skinny? Look at Nicole Richie, she’s doing fine.
Next diet up is Weight Watchers. Yes, I know Weight Watchers is a life style change and not a diet, blah blah blah. I’m going to call it a diet because that’s easier to type than life style change. With WW you have two options: meetings or online. Online is great because you have access to tons of advice, recipes, and info that when you attend meeting you can’t use. But with online WW you have no one but yourself to be accountable to. No one but you has to see the scale. At meeting you don’t have all the cool online features, but you do have many other sets of eyes to watch you weigh in every week and notice if you’re not slimming down. But with the meetings you actually have to go to the meetings, which means you have to find time to get there and spend an hour with women you don’t know talking about being fat. (I don’t honestly know what happens at meeting, the only experience I have with them is a Sex and the City episode where Miranda joins WW and meets the Over Eater) That, in itself, seems like a boatload of work.
Of course I could always just try and watch what I eat and workout more often. But really without limitations I’ll eat okay one day and then horribly the next. I need boundaries, limits, rules. Rules, glorious rules! And whatever diet I finally decide on I’ll workout while I do it. I know that cardio is the key to weight lose, even if I hate to admit it.
Now excuse me, I’m going to grab a cookie carrot from the fridge.
