You remember when I said that was the end of the Disney pictures the other day? I totally lied to you. My bad. But I promise you want to see these.

Our first day in Disney I was amazed by some of the outfits people were wearing. Maybe I’m a prude, but I would never leave the house in some of the shorts (were they even shorts or were they just denim panties?) people were wearing. Or worse yet, go to the Magic Kingdom with my 14 year-old daughter dressed like a whore. Hmph, I sound like a grandma, oh well.

I’m vowing here and now, in front of all you readers, that when I have kids I refuse to raise skanks. I’ll make fun of skanks, teach my kids to make fun of skanks, but I will not raise skanks.

After a day of these outfits I decided that the next day I would take pictures of every horrible outfit I saw. These are the pictures I took.

Chick on the left, you have cottage cheese legs. Please stop spending money getting your nails done and buy some real shorts. Thank you. (the best part about this assignment was I didn’t tell anyone else what I was doing and still when my sister-in-law saw this girl she turned to me and said “You got that picture, right?” She just knew that this bit of skankyness had to be documented)

Sweetie, isn’t that metal bench cold on your ass since you’ve hiked that skirt up? Just take a moment and imagine the view people got when they walked up the bleacher stairs, because at one point she uncrossed her legs.

This picture came out disappointing. She was wearing a yellow thong under this white skirt. YELLOW.

I wanted jparks to go ask if she for $5 would do a pole dance, but since her Dad was right next to her I didn’t think it was the best idea. Please check out the pockets on the back of these shorts. Yeah, the shorts are so short they are only like half pockets. You know, cuz full pockets are sooo frumpy.

I’m so confused. The torn, raggety shorts with a rope belt say redneck, but the backless shirt says slut.

I have seriously saved the best for last. It’s so good, you should really click here to view it at orginial size. Brace yourself.

Let me point out some things to look for: scary long fake nails, dangling jeweled navel ring, bare stomach, arm tattoo of baby daddy’s name, flip flops, which just make her outfit complete.

After I took these I saw many many many other horrible outfits, but I found this assignment too tiring. If I kept taking pictures of the clothes I would not have taken pictures of anything else or been able to ride any rides.

Okay folks, remain calm, because this is big. BIG I tell ya!

Ugly shirt is on sale.

Yeah, you read that correctly, it’s now on sale for $24.49. I want a large, so who’s going to order it for me? If someone buys it for me I promise to have a fashion show complete with pictures. I’ll even do a photo shoot of ugly shirt around town.

For the first time in years, YEARS, I think I want a pair of clogs for the winter. Not ugly clogs like these:

But cute clogs like these to wear with skirts and such:

Can you picture it? Those clogs with a denim skirt and one of the super cute, 3/4 length sleeve sweaters I got at Banana Republic. Ack, it’s too much cute for me.

Sorry guys, wish I had more to say, but right now I’ve got something on the downlow that I’m not at liberty to blog about. Maybe in a few days.

Last night I almost bought the ugliest shirt ever. This shirt screamed ugly so loudly that other shoppers’ ear drums were bleeding just walking by it. But me, I saw this blue and orange plaid shirt and thought “I don’t own enough bedazzled shirts, I should buy this one.” (did I mention it was bedazzled? And embroidered? Yeah, it was the trifecta of ugly)

The only reason this poor shirt didn’t come home with me is because I couldn’t subject it to the ridicule jparks would have given it. And it was $35, which I can’t pay for a Target shirt. $35 is too much, it just seems unnatural.

You know you want to see this shirt. You’re having a hard time picturing plaid and jewels and floral embroidery. Okay, calm down, here’s a picture:

Don’t you just want to puke, but then hug it and tell it that everything will be all right? I’m pretty sure that the model wearing the shirt is holding an airplane sickness bag in her hand because she has that exact puke/love feeling going on.

Ugly shirt, just know I am very sorry I couldn’t give you a home, but I’m sure someone else did and you’ll love it there.