Oh internet, I am so sorry that the feud with Slynnro has gotten so out of hand. I wave my white flag of surrender:

Please accept my apologies and peace offering:

Slynnro, let’s hug this shit out, okay?

Did you guys hear that really loud explosion earlier today? It was my head spontaneously combusting over the fact that my blog was broken and I didn’t have the knowledge to fix it. A friend sent me a quick explanation of what could be wrong, but all I was capable of doing was forwarding the email to jparks with a note that said “PLEASE HELP ME!”

See, jparks and I have been going back and forth for a couple of months now about moving me from wordpress to blogger. The fight usually goes like this:

jparks: “Wordpress sucks my balls! I’m moving you to blogger!”
me: “Suck your own balls! I’m not moving to blogger!”
jparks: “Fine, then I’m not helping you with your blog anymore. Deal with it yourself!”
me: “Sounds better than moving to blogger!”

(we are mature)

But then something goes wrong, like my blog going AWOL, and I have to beg him to help me. You might have noticed that I recently uploaded a new template and somethings haven’t worked since then. Like links to other blogs or the list of books I’ve read recently (both highly exciting I tell you). They don’t work because I have no idea how to fix them. Also, the font on the site is tiny and makes my head hurt but I have to suck it up because my husband is cruel and will not fix it for me.

Jparks recently moved his blog over to blogger and won’t shut up about how much easier the upkeep is. I’ve recently purchased a crapload of new domains and jparks created them on the blogger platform (which I didn’t realize he was doing when I bought them. sneaky bastard) but I’m holding out for Formation of Me. Wordpress might not be the best platform out there, but it works for me, so why change? Moving to blogger is not a change I can believe in.

And until I hire someone to do the behind the scenes work for me, the font will be tiny and you’ll have no idea what blogs I read. I know this leaves you feeling empty inside and for that I blame jparks, the wordpress intolerant bastard.

I’ve been working on a post for four days now, a post about a salad that was so incredibly good jparks and I had to force ourselves to stop eating it. And no, this wasn’t your typical healthy salad, it was a salad born from fat southern chefs who love to make everything as bad for you as possible. When you lifted a fork of it to your mouth, you heard a loud slamming sound as your arteries slammed shut. Sweet baby Jesus, it was a crazy good salad.

And then this morning I opened up that post and thought “This really sucks” so I deleted it. The thing is that I’m having a hard time writing anything because I have some things I need to say. I need to say them for totally selfish reasons and probably will make some family members mad by saying them. And that’s giving me some hesitation. They aren’t hurtful, at least I don’t think they are hurtful, but others will most certainly feel differently.

I don’t talk about my relationship with my dad here, mostly because since starting this blog my dad and I haven’t spoken. The grandfather that passed away last week was my dad’s father, which meant it was time to bite the bullet and talk to my dad again. And I’m not certain how that went. I mean, I thought I was acting adult about it, but maybe I wasn’t.

I don’t want to get into too much detail on this matter because, like I said, I don’t want to make the situation worse, but holding all the words inside is eating me alive. And I don’t think that saying them to my father will help. Or a therapist. There is just something about putting my words on this blog that takes them out of my head and makes me feel better. It takes makes the weight and pressure of those words a little less by spreading them around to all of you as well. Not that I honestly think you mull over my concerns and thoughts the way I do, but somehow it still helps. It’s been so long since I carried the weight of my thoughts on my own that I can’t really remember how I used to do it. It’s weird how having a blog and sharing so much changes the way you process things.

On a totally unrelated note, Saturday morning is the cut off for words of encouragement! If you think you are going to attend the race to cheer in person, let me know and I’ll get you a copy of the race map and the times that I should reach various miles.

I had this whole blog post typed out and somehow I deleted it. It was this totally random stream of conscience post that I could not recreate, even if my life depended on it. Instead here’s what I im’ed to Whitney when I realized what I had done:

“SON OF A BITCH I DID IT AGAIN I HAVE DELETED A WHOLE FUCKING BLOG POST.
MY HEAD IT IS EXPLODING”

But my head, it did not explode. It is waiting for jparks to give me the “You should be typing your posts in google docs where nothing can go wrong ever and your life will be perfect and you will shit gold coins that you can use to buy shoes” so that it can explode all over him and he will have to clean it up. Serves you right jparks, keep your mouth shut and stop using your damn words. Go scrub my brains off the living room wall.

Here’s the last part of the post that somehow didn’t get deleted. It is the most boring part. Figures.

Hey, you know what’s fun? Putting your husband up against one of your best friends in a “who can make the most accurate looking avatar of me” contest!

Whitney made the avatar on the left, jparks made the one of the right. Well, which one looks more like me?

I just can’t tell.

This year BlogHer really pushed us to all have a pitch about our blogs; something witty and quick that would make people want to visit our sites. Uh, yeah, I failed at coming up with that. And since I get all kinds of nervous when talking to new people I compensated by being really sarcastic (surprise!) and started telling people that I blog about all kinds of various things: it started with bestiality, which morphed into gerbiling, which morphed into hamsters. “My blog? Well, it’s about hamsters. I like when they run on their little wheels. Or sometimes you can put them in plastic balls. Yeah, they’re cool.” This worked really well, up until I met a woman that said “I blog about gerbils!” and she meant it.

So, after a weekend of Whitney and I claiming we both blogged about rodents, I have decided to take the next logical step and created a hamster FAQ site. I pulled real FAQs from other hamster sites and answered them as truthfully as possible. I have learned not much about hamsters, but a lot about people that like hamsters. Mostly that those people are totally fucking stupid.

So, without further ado, here’s Formation of Hamsters! There’s even a poll on the side bar that you should totally participate in. Enjoy!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to go back to work after having 4 days off, and spending the bulk of those days drinking and stealing lube? Oh my god, so damn hard. Every part of my body fought against going in to the office: my foot started hurting again, my ear ached, my head turned a couple more hairs grey. But, seeing as how I like money, I forced myself to go in but I couldn’t force myself to work. Much, I mean, I couldn’t force myself to work MUCH. I mean, I worked all day, not once did I slack off. I am the best employee ever. Please don’t fire me bossman.

So what did I do between all of my very important tasks at work today? I shopped for domain names. That’s one of the things that I walked away from BlogHer with, a strong desire to create more spots for me to vomit content onto the interwebs. Thus far I have only purchased two new domain names, but I have one that I keep going back to look at. I want it, but I don’t need it. But it’s only $10. But $10 is half a box of lube. How will I ever make up my mind?!?

Right now both of the sites I’ve purchased are blank so I won’t share the names just yet. But I will tell you that one of them might have something to do with hamsters. Why hamsters? Because they fucking rock!

I’m at BlogHer this weekend and have been handing out my card to many people that may or may not decide to visit this little corner of the internet after meeting me. If you’re new here let me say hi and welcome to what is possibly the most boring spot on the web.

Since I don’t have much to say right now that’s exciting or interesting I thought I would give everyone the chance to relive one of my favorite posts from this site. If this is your first visit, I think this post will give you a glimpse of what an idiot my husband is. And I hope you’ll come back after even after seeing the following pictures. Enjoy:

Let me tell you a little story…
Once upon a time there was a boy and he was in lurve with a girl. They both had their own flickr accounts but when the girl posted pictures of the boy she only selected ones where he didn’t look bad. The boy, on the other hand, posted any picture of the girl that he could. He didn’t care if she looked bad, if her eyes were closed, or if every picture was exactly the same. He didn’t care if she begged him not to give those pictures to the public, the bastard boy still posted them.

One night the girl came up with a plan. “I have a bunch of pictures of my love on the beach and in ponds without his shirt on. I could threaten to post them and then he would understand why I don’t like it when he posts all those crappy pictures of me!”

Thrilled that she had come up with a way to stop the posting of unflattering pictures of her, the girl floated through the rest of her day. That night she laid down the law for the boy and he scoffed at her idea. Then he told his secret lover best friend “She won’t do it.”

The girl responded with a hearty “Not only am I posting them, I’m sending links to TONS OF PEOPLE!”

This, dear friends, is where the story turns into a picture book.

“I wonder if she really will post those pictures of me?” thinks the boy.

“Uh oh, I think she really is posting those pictures. Maybe if I flex my guns and show her I’m a sexy beast she’ll change her mind”

After recovering from a laughing fit over the boy’s “guns”, the girl continued to upload pictures.

“This picture is pretty identical to that other picture” the girl thought as she posted it.

“Sexy!” thought the girl.

“hmm, this picture of the boy running and jumping in the forest is best viewed at the large size so people can see his facial expression,” thought the girl but she posted it anyway.

And finally the girl posted the last picture of the boy, a closeup of him lounging on the beach. “Hmm, he seems to have forgotten to take off his sweater,” the girl thought.

As the girl finished uploading the pictures a great feeling of satisfaction washed over her. “HA!” she thought as she waited for the boy’s reaction…

Hi.

I suck don’t I? It’s okay, you can say it, I’m fully aware of my own suckiness. It’s just that lately I’ve been totally absorbed in my own little world. I’ve been obsessing about my life in a completely narcissistic way that if I even began to describe, you would run to the nearest window and fling yourself through it. I’m annoying my own self, and have found that I’ll be eyeing the window trying to figure out just the right way to hit it for maximum shatter.

And in my attempt to just put something on my blog so people don’t think I’ve died I’ve ended up posting about going to the dentist. Folks, I don’t know how you can stand that much excitement. I should really try to tone it down a notch, you know, for your safety.

So, this is my apology. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. It’ll get better soon. I swear. I’ll change. We can work this out. Come on baby, it only happened once and I didn’t mean it. That post meant nothing to me.

Am I forgiven now? Can I stop sleeping on the couch?

It’s been a long day today. Earlier, I was in the middle of writing a blog post when I hit save and firefox crashed. Of course, when I got firefox back up the post was gone. I was almost in tears because it was a serious post as opposed to a not serious post like this one.

Add in that I’m extremely tired today because someone was at work until 1:30 last night and repeatedly woke me up when he got home and you get one cranky girl who is thisclose to tears for no reason.

So yeah, it’s been a long day which is why when jparks came home with a burrito from Chipotle for me I told him “I’m going to eat the hell out of this burrito!” And boy, oh boy, did I ever eat the hell out of it. And it was good. Amen.

Do you guys think that that today is the slowest blogging day of the year? Because you know most people that participated in NaBloPoMo are taking today off and then add in the fact that most folks don’t blog on the weekends and I bet it adds up to almost no blog activity on the world wide webs. Which means it’s mine, all mine. Today I own the internet.

First order of business: change the name to reganweb. No, maybe reganet. Or the World Wide Web of Regan.

Second order of business: I’m gonna need more lolcats. Particularly of the nom nom nom variety.

Man, it feels good to be powerful.