On Sunday I set out to run 18 miles. Unfortunately I did not actually complete the full 18 miles. At mile 10 my knee started to hurt but I was about 4 miles from my car. My options were either I plow through the pain and run back to the car or die on a bench on the side of the road. I can honestly say that the bench might have been the smarter option but I’m dumb so I ran back to my car. I ended up finishing the day with only 14 miles completed and, since I had set out to do more than that, I wasn’t allowed to have a post run doughnut. My running rules suck. I think I need a backup treat for days when I don’t run as far as I had wanted. Something as tasty as a doughnut, but not as indulgent. Does such a thing exist?

After my morning of running, jparks and I headed to a birthday dinner for a friend’s daughter. I warned our hosts that I might eat them out of house and home and I don’t think I let them down. They had a lovely heirloom tomato salad and I think I ate about half of it. And it was meant for 9 people. I probably should have been embarrassed by my rapid consumption of all the food but HUNGRY.

After eating myself sick, the hunger was replaced by TIRED. Not like, “gee, I could take a nap” tired, it was more like “I can’t function as a human, please come lower me onto the toilet and then lift me off of it, because that much work is too much” tired. Once we got home I resisted sleep as much as possible and, like a toddler, I got myself all worked up about something and started the irrational kind of crying that jparks can’t help but laugh at. I’m fairly certain I was all worked up because I realized I had been giving Lily exactly half as much medicine as she was supposed to get and that’s why she’s still sick. Hi, I suck as a dog mom, imagine how awesome I’m going to be as a human mom. And that thought was enough to make me cry big, wet, can’t catch my breath tears.

After much sobbing and “waaaa, I suck! Dog protective services is going to come take Lily away!” jparks knocked me out with some tylenol with codeine (my prescription is about to run out and it is seriously good for the night after a long run. How do I get more without seeming like a junkie? I mean, you can’t really ask a doctor for more tylenol with codeine, can you?) I slept a full night, dead to the world, but still woke up this morning feeling like I could sleep some more. I got through my day at work with no additional caffeine, but it was a long, tedious day and I routinely felt like I was about to fall asleep on my keyboard.

I’m home now and, after about two sips of wine, I feel like I’m about to pass out on the couch. I’ve given Lily her correct dose of medicine and cleaned up the dinner dishes so I see no reason not to go to bed, even thought it’s still early. (8:30 early to be exact) This is definitely the one side effect of running I never saw coming, the constant exhaustion. Who would have thought long distance running would take so damn much out of you.

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Have you heard? I ran quite a bit this weekend. It was exciting! Yay me! Okay, enough self congratulations, I think we all understand just how awesome I am.

The race started at something crazy like 5am, but my wave didn’t start until 5:55. Woohoo for sleeping in! But sleeping in meant only sleeping until 5, which totally sucked. When the wakeup call came for our room, I rolled over to jparks and asked him if I could just skip the race. He said no and then proceeded to give me a half-assed “You can do it speech!” Had he actually been awake I bet the speech would have been whole-assed. I took a quick bath to warm up my muscles and then forced down a peanut butter bagel. I was gagging between bites because I am not capable of eating that early in the morning and this cracked jparks up. gag dry heave gag bite chew swallow gag dry heave gag The day was not off to a promising start.

As soon as we got to our hotel lobby I started having serious doubts. I considered moving to the wave after mine because there was no way I could finish in the time I had estimated. I considered dropping out of the race because it was scary. And because I am a wuss. And I really wanted to go back to bed. But jparks gave me another “You can do it speech!” and he actually seemed to mean this one, so I took my place in line. But not before telling him to keep his cell phone close by so when the medics call to tell him I’ve fallen off the Golden Gate he would hear it ring.

The start of the race was uneventful, which is probably good. We ran down The Embarcadero, past Fisherman’s Wharf, Fort Mason, through Crissy Field to the Golden Gate Bridge. These were all parts of the city that I had never run past before and, since it was still early, there was a calm around them that actually made the race relaxing. I know, relaxing? Yeah, for reals.

As I made the climb to the Golden Gate Bridge I was hit with a wave of anxiety. People had told me that the bridge would be so crowded that all the runners would be shoulder to shoulder with no room for error. Someone else told me that the joints on the bridge were really slippery and if you fall on them, you’ll just get trampled. All I could think about as I made my way towards the bridge was how clumsy I am. I knew for certain I would be slipping and causing a big race backup. As soon as I got to the start of the bridge I could see how wrong my expectations were: we all had plenty of room to run and the joints were fine. In fact, the Golden Gate Bridge was my favorite part of the race. We had a great view of the city, the wind was perfect, and I’d never crossed the Bridge on foot before. It was amazing.

Upon exiting the bridge we moved into a pretty hilly part of the city, and since I was not prepared for hills, I ended up walking up them. I am okay with that. In the future I will run more hills as part of my training, but if I still feel like I need to walk some of the hills during my full marathon, I will be okay with that.

The race ended in Golden Gate Park, which is almost my home terrain as I do my long runs there weekly. At the finish line we were given heat retaining blankets and our finisher medals. I was not expecting a medal so that was really exciting! See, I’m excited:

Jparks and I didn’t hang around the finish line very long as I was requesting a doughnut and I knew this was one time that jparks could not deny me it. By the end of the day I was very tired but very proud of myself. Completing the half has renewed my desire to run the full. Being a part of a group of runners felt great. I honestly think that from here on out I will be a runner. So long as my nipples don’t start to bleed.

Details to come soon, after a night of sleep and a day where I don’t have to run one damn step. Click on the picture for notes.

I have a half marathon on Sunday and if you saw me today you would probably want to place a large bet on the fact that there is no way I am crossing the finish line. You see, my gluteus maximus is a wee bit sore. As well as the fronts of my thighs. And I might be moving kinda slowly, perhaps even at a 90 year old man’s pace. In fact, it might not be a lie if I said that when I go to the bathroom I have to let myself drop down onto the toilet as my ability to slowly and gently lower my ass is gone. And once I’m down at toilet level I might be having issues getting back up. My kingdom for a raised toilet seat!

Yesterday I met my trainer and, while she swore that she wouldn’t work me so much that I would be sore, I am sore. Like went to my car before lunch and dug out a pair of flip flops (to wear at the office! The shame!) because I just couldn’t walk in heels for another step. Actually I could take another step, but it would have been a zombie shuffle type step and that’s not very professional. But then, neither are flip flops as office attire. Either way I fail at getting a pay raise. crap.

Other than the soreness, I feel prepared for this race. My knee is recovering nicely and my foot hasn’t hurt in a week or so. I haven’t been able to run as many short runs during the week as I would like because of the banged up knee, but I think I’ll be okay. I might not finish the half in my ideal time, but I’m happy as long as I finish it. And being able to lower myself gently onto the port-a-potties along the race course would be an added bonus since I will die if I fall in. Literally die. Would you come to my funeral?

I don’t want to be a drama queen but the worst thing that could happen to me while training for a marathon has happened. Like for reals people, I don’t know how I’m supposed to finish training now.

No, it’s not an injury, although my knee is pretty banged up right now. Falling off a curb onto Market St and landing on your hands and knees will do that to you. I think if someone had videoed the fall, and we watched it in slow motion, we would see that when the light turned green the top of my body went, but my legs didn’t. Whitney witnessed it and I don’t know how she kept from laughing because I know I looked like an idiot.

But no, that’s not why my training has gone out the window. It is something much more tragic: The only podcast I listen to while running has been cancelled. CANCELLED.

The problem is that I can’t listen to music while I run unless it’s a short run (4 miles or less). Knowing that most songs last 3 to 4 minutes makes me really aware of how long I’ve been running, which is not a good thing. “oh, 5 songs have gone by. I’ve run 15 minutes. Wait, just 15 minutes?!? You mean I have another hour of movement ahead of me?!? Holy crap, I’m going to die. I’m going to have to throw myself in front of a truck so I have a reason to just be still.” So yeah, music just doesn’t work for me.

My beloved podcast is the Byrant Park Project from NPR. I loved that it gave me a breakdown of current events as well as off beat topics and discussions. I looked forward to the Tuesday new music discussions and the Friday movie reviews. I love the Ramble and the Most. And I love that Alison Stewart was the host (Remember when MTV had vjs that weren’t all young and scary? Although I think Alison was part of the MTV news team and not technically a vj. And maybe the vjs just look young and scary to me now because I am old and cranky). Oh my god NPR, why do you want me to quit my training plan?

So now I’m being forced to shop around for a new podcast. I’m thinking that Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me might be a good option, but it only comes one once a week. Maybe the Onion’s podcast would be good, but is it funny? It has to be, right? But is it maybe too funny? Will I be trying to laugh while I run and then keel over from lack of oxygen? What about This American Life? Is that show’s content ever depressing? I’m thinking depressing might not make good running entertainment. Does NPR have any music based shows? Not ones that play music, but maybe discuss music? Is there some other podcast, not from NPR, that I don’t know about? Please help me or else, in two weeks when I’m running across the Golden Gate Bridge, I might just jump.

I am so glad you asked! Because I have nothing else to talk about. Seriously. I get up, I run, I go to work, I go home, I sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Sometimes, if I’m feeling really adventurous, I run after work. I know, I know the excitement is almost too much to bear.

This week I ran 21 miles (actually, as of Sunday I will have run 21 miles) but that number goes up every week. My long runs happen on the weekends and this week’s is 10 miles. After this they increase by 2 miles every week. My weekday runs are short ones, typical 3 miles, 5, and 3. But even those will be increasing in the coming weeks to 4,6,4.

Other than all of this running, I’m trying to become more balanced in my training so my time decreases and my endurance increases. This week I started taking a pilates class at my new gym and next week I’m working out with a trainer. Because, really, why should I do anything that doesn’t require spandex shorts and a wicking bra? Oh right, so I have something interested to share with ya’ll. My bad.

With all of this working out you might think I’m losing weight at an amazing rate. Well, YOU WOULD BE WRONG. My goal in registering for the marathon wasn’t weight lose, but it would be a nice side effect. But, in all honesty, I’m not shocked that I’m not losing any as I can’t stop eating. Especially salty things. For lunch today I had fried rice, mainly because I could drench it in soy sauce. Then for dinner I had more soy sauce fried rice. And now I’m eyeballing the bottle of soy sauce on the table. I’m pretty sure I could kill it in one or two swigs. And it would taste DELICIOUS.

Last night jparks, a group of friends, and I went to see some new, unsigned, indie band called The Cure. Perhaps you’ve heard of them? If you haven’t, just wait, I predict they’ll be huge.

Anyway, we went to the concert and beforehand, at dinner, I had one beer. Not one huge ass beer, just one normal sized beer. Then I proceeded to chew on ice throughout the whole concert. (HP Pavilion has the best ice in the whole wide world in their suites. Seriously.) And yet, this morning I woke up feeling like I had been on a frat boy sized bender last night. How is that possible? Could one beer really be the death of me? Or am I getting sick? Or, even worse, old?

Of course, feeling like crap or not, I’ve got to go for a run this evening. I’m hoping that getting up and moving at a fast pace, in spandex, will somehow make me feel better. Maybe knowing that I stuck to my training plan will magically make my head stop hurting. Or maybe the idea of being able to tell jparks the next time he whines about not feeling well “I went for a run the last time I felt sick, so suck it up you pansy” is the real cure to my illness.

That’s the crappy thing about actually training for something, you’ve got to train. You make your plan and then you stick to it. You hope that you don’t have days where you’d rather chew on a broken glass bottle covered in blood from the bum fight it was just used in than go for a short (snort) 7 mile run. And when those days do arrive, you grit your teeth, throw on your shoes, and hope that you iPod can play just the right mix of music to make the trek bearable.

Please iPod, don’t let me down.

Last night jparks and I went up to San Francisco so I could run Bay to Breakers this morning. We left our house last night and had to turn around to get my hydration pack, which I had left on the couch. We got to our friend’s house in SF and went to dinner, where I had a second serving of rice covered in coconut milk (got to carb load! Okay, not really for a 12k, but mmm coconut milk rice) and then we promptly went to bed so I could get a full night’s sleep before my big race day.

This morning, before my alarm went off, I sat up, turned to jparks and said “I don’t have a sports bra.” Not sure why that thought didn’t occur to me the night before or why that was the very first thing I thought of in the morning but let’s say I wasn’t thrilled with this realization.

I know B2B wasn’t a super long race and it’s not what I’m training for, but I was really looking forward to running it. It’s one thing to run 7.46 miles on my own, but to run it on a course, with other runners, and people that are cheering (not necessarily for me, but I can pretend) is something special. It’s fun. It’s motivating. It makes getting up 5 days a week at 6am and running around my cold neighborhood worthwhile. And thanks to my absent-mindedness I couldn’t experience any of that. Stupid boobs.

After deciding that I wasn’t walking the race (I only had my spandex running capris and wicking mesh shirt with me. And while those are okay to run in, I have no desire to walk the streets of SF looking like a total tool) I told jparks that bacon and mimosas would help ease my pain. So off to Crepevine we went where I indulged in some therapeutic bacon and a sweet crepe that was served with ice cream. Yes folks, I had some ice cream for breakfast. And a glass of fresh squeezed oj mixed with some bubbly. Missing the race sucked, but brunch really did help it suck less.

Ice cream!

Nom nom nom

Let the real healing begin!

I have been embracing the idea of running the marathon whole heartedly; finding books to read, researching running groups, and making training plans. But I with all of these informational sources comes new knowledge. New, scary as all hell, stops me dead in my slow-paced-barely-able-to-breath tracks. I knew about many of the risks involved with running; shin splints, joint problems, and dehydration did not deter me from wanting to train. But then I read about “runner’s nipple” and I’ve got to admit, I’m scared. Will someone hold me?

Here, let me share: “As the clothing next to the skin absorbs sweat, the clothing becomes more gritty and increases the friction against the nipples. It can become so severe in some runners that the nipples actually begin to bleed.”

Dude, running long distances can cause your nipples to BLEED. Blood will be coming from your nipples. Just thinking about this makes me want to die, but not from blood lose through my nipples. It makes me want to die in a dignified way, like chocking to death during a hot dog eating contest.

The book goes on to suggest either covering your nipples with band-aids or lubricating them with Vaseline to prevent nipple blow outs. (okay, it doesn’t actually call it nipple blow outs, but typing nipple blow outs makes me giggle) I’m trying to picture me applying Vaseline to my nipples before starting the marathon. I think ideally you would want to apply right before you start running so it doesn’t absorb into the sports bra before you even get to the start line. I’m also trying to picture reapplying it at some point during the race. Run, run, run, dab, dab, dab.

Do you think they have lube stations situated throughout the course? Like a water station put instead of grabbing a cup of water, you grab a little pot of Vaseline? If they don’t have lub stations, should I have various friends spread around the course holding pots of Vaseline for me? Would you come out to man a lubrication station? We could make tee shirts that say “Lub’ing up to save Regan’s nipples!” Or how about: “Team No Nipple Bleeding” Maybe: “Ask me how I can save your nipples” And finally: “Working to prevent nipple blow outs one boob at a time”

Any volunteers?

Up until today the marathon that I’d mentioned before was just hypothetically happening. I mean, the marathon was definitely happening, but my running it was only a crazy idea that wasn’t real yet. That all changed when I got this today:

Uh, oh shit. Let the training officially begin.