Jparks and I are quickly rounding the corner on one year of home ownership and I wish I could say it’s been easy and fun, and YAY OWNING A HOME RULES! but seriously it stresses me out. Like a lot. As much as I love our little townhouse, I know this is our starter house and I can’t help but look at all the little nicks and dings we are causing a think “Holy crap, there goes our resale value”

Like last night I discovered this growing behind my bathroom mirror: I promptly freaked out and made jparks get out of bed to look at it. Then I proceeded to lecture him about how the resale value is gone! We are going to take a hit on this house and will be forced to live here forever. And that would be the end of the world. And then I’ll die. The end.

I really want to enjoy my house but I just can’t. I look at my hardwood floors and I see all the scratches that my furniture leaves. I look at my carpets and only see the stains on them. I have a problem and I can’t stop.

So how do you other home owners get over the fact that living in your house is killing it? Should I just sign up for the prozac now since having kids is going to make the destruction of my house happen that much quicker? Can kids really tear the house apart worse than jparks? I mean, the other night the boy was doing handstands in the bedroom. With his feet up on the walls. Seriously, how much more damage can kids do? Do I just need to accept that when we are ready to sell I’ll have to sink a large quantity of money into fixing the house that I no longer want and will therefore have less money to sink into the house I want to buy? Or am I just over-thinking this whole house thing?

Help! I’ve fallen into my own neurotic mind and I can’t get up!

I often make fun of jparks for acting like a 13 year old girl (He cried at the end of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. A couple of times a year he has a breakdown about his wardrobe and I have to buy him a bunch of new stuff otherwise the other cheerleaders will make fun of him) but the truth is that I haven’t aged past 13 either.

I began to realize this when, after the hurricane, I was hunting for a desk. We went to all the typical furniture stores, but their desks were so executive and not at all what I wanted. I wanted something fun! young! hip! Something that didn’t scream “I’m going to need you to come in on Sunday too” After much frustration I stumbled upon a Pottery Barn Teen catalog and found the perfect desk. It’s bright green, totally functional, and, most important, cute. And with that desk I feel hopelessly in love with PBTeen.

I haven’t ordered anything else from them but I do devote large chunks of time to drolling over things I would order if I could decorate my house like a dorm room. I seriously hope PBTeen is still around when my future kids are teenagers. I don’t care what they want or what their style is, they will have rooms that look like the catalog threw up in them. I’m also assuming jparks and I will be winning a lottery between now and then because PBTeen ain’t cheap.

The latest catalog arrived yesterday and here are the things I would order if jparks wouldn’t mind living in a sorority house:

Brown Squirrel! Green Leaf!

Polka Dots! I doubt these sheets come in king size seeing as how teens don’t usually have king sized beds. Well, maybe slutty teens have king sized beds.

This bedding set is awesome. Green + bird + circles = awesome!

And a close up of the matching pillow:

I want this lamp in all of these colors:

So simple and clean. A teenager can’t possibly appreciate this headboard:

If only it weren’t weird for jparks and I to have a bunk bed/desk thing:

I don’t know if I want this because I love the color or if I really like the idea of a wardrobe. I could use it to get to Narnia!

More lamps! Because you can’t have too much reading light:

What bedroom is complete without a chandelier?

Do you guys remember that fridge I wanted to put upstairs for ice cream? I could have it in green!

Anyone want to guess which color I want this in?

Elephants! (this post may use up my yearly allotment of exclamation points)

And finally, big, white, fake antique keys. Why? Why not!

So the other day I was cleaning the house before the cleaning crew came and I realized that I have a lot of shoes. Like A LOT. I know, it was a total shock to me too.

This is what my guest bedroom wall looks like:

The rest of this room has been in such disarray that I never realized that something useful could be in that spot, like a bookshelf or a mini fridge so I don’t have to walk all the way downstairs for a cold beverage. But now that room is clean and actually room-like and I’m fairly certain I want my mini fridge there. Oh, or a reach in freezer for ice cream!

The first step to having ice cream is to get rid of some shoes. And, believe it or not, that picture was taken after a fairly large shoe purge, so obviously one purge wasn’t enough. My next step is to stop buying shoes. Heh, seeing both of those steps written makes me realize just how much I have to change for that freezer. Man, ice cream in bed better be worth it.

As far as getting rid of what I have, I think I need to come up with a system to track the shoes I’m wearing. I mean, that’s a lot of shoes and I know I don’t wear all of them, but some of the lesser worn ones are cute. And how can you get rid of cute shoes? You can’t. Unless you can have ice cream in bed after getting rid of the cute shoes.

I want to whittle that tower down enough that my shoes fit in a closet. Actually let me qualify that a bit: I want them to fit in a closet with room for other things like clothes and vacuums. Can you imagine?!? It’s blowing my mind. Are you doubting I can do that? I bet you aren’t the only one. But I’ll prove you guys wrong, you have no idea how much I want ice cream in bed.

In case you people think I’m kidding about bad stuff happening in the mornings let me show you the drawer that I broke getting out of the shower this morning:

It’s not totally broken-broken just kind of broken. The track is bent and I’m hoping the track in the cabinet isn’t bent too. (although I suspect it might be)

The lesson in this is, don’t piss me off or I’ll come stay the night at your house and in the morning bad shit will happen. And you don’t want that, now do you?

Today, while vacuuming and doing the laundry I flipped a circuit breaker switch accidentally. This means no more house cleaning ever again. It’s obviously too risky a chore because I was out of cable, internet, and power to a couple of rooms for a few minutes. MINUTES folks, that’s like forever in no cable years.

Also, the cats are out of food and I’m taking my sweet ass time refilling their bowl. I would move faster but they are so nice and loving when they want something that I’m kind of enjoying them not having food. They follow me around and become very vocal, in a sad pathetic sort of way. Plus they willingly let me pet them. Without biting me. Seriously, hungry cats are the best. I just better not cross the line from hungry, sweet cats to hungry, eat my face off cats. Eh, maybe I’ll go fill their bowl now, I like having a face.

The house is almost ready to be seen. We have the painter finishing up this week (well, he might come back and paint more in our bedroom, but I’m still undecided about that) and the last piece of furniture that I wanted to have in place will hopefully arrive soon. That means pictures and a house warming party are quickly approaching.

Until then, enjoy this one picture sneak preview:

Have you been on the edge of your seat wondering how our painter debacle ended? I am happy to report that on Monday he showed up exactly on time (maybe he reads my blog. Hello Mr. Painter Man!) and finished our living room and half bathroom by noon (I think. I wasn’t home and jparks didn’t tell me exactly what time the guy finished). I’m thinking he only did one coat in the bath and it really needs another coat or at least some spots need to be touched up. But I know jparks was getting antsy because he really needed to get to work so there was no time for second coats.

By the end of the day jparks was all “We are never hiring another painter. Never!” But the truth is that I will hire another painter to finish up the house. There is no way I’m going to have the time or energy to do it myself and some of it will just end up a big mess if I try. The problem (again) is that someone needs to be home while the painter is there. And as I mentioned, it’s really hard for either jparks or I to work from home.

So today I was toying with ways to get the job finished without either of us having to be home. Maybe I could hire a house sitter to sit in the house while the painter is there. Or hire a cleaning crew to come while the painter is working. Then pay the painter a bit extra to watch the cleaning crew and pay the cleaning crew a bit extra to watch the painter. Or maybe I could buy a nanny cam and set it up in the room that the painter is working in. Or maybe I could get a camcorder and strap it to Lily’s back. Then I could have her sit and video the painter all day.

Really, how can I pick just one of these ideas when they are all so good?

People keep asking to see pictures of our new house and I keep saying soon! Really soon! But not right now! See, I’m a bit OCD (surprise!) and I want my house to be finished before I start showing it off. Hence the housewarming not happening until October. Of 2012.

First on my list of things to do was get the living room painted. We decided to go with painters for the job because there are stairs involved. Stairs and really high spots. And I’m short. And you might not know it from my hobbies but I’m afraid of heights. And I’m afraid of being on a ladder during an earthquake. Is there a name for that particular phobia?

After having a couple of painters give us bids I decided not to hire the cheapest guy, but to hire the guy that could come the earliest and said he could get the job done in one day because he has an assistant. That was great news because jparks and I can’t really hang out at the house instead of going to work for more than one day. We are both way too important for that.

On Wednesday the painter showed up. Without his assistant. “Hey, this might take two days since I don’t have my assistant. But he should be here tomorrow and we should be able to get it done.” okay, fine. jparks will try to work from home that morning and I’ll take the afternoon off. Except, later the same day, he announces “You know, if my assistant can’t make it tomorrow I might have to finish up on Monday.” Do you see where this is going, because I didn’t. I was all “Of course his assistant will show up! People are nice and good and always do as they promise. Look a rainbow!” I’m such a twit. Or knitting wit, as my mom likes to say.

On Thursday he came back sans assistant. That is also the day my head exploded. I think the two things are related but who knows for sure. He painted enough to say “look I painted!” but not enough that we are able to put our living room back together. Because being able to sit on your couch is a luxury jparks and I just don’t need right now. Today we had a coffee table delivered. I have no freaking idea where it’s going to go, but that’s part of the fun. Our living room is a giant Tetris game and I can’t wait to get home and play.

On Monday the painter is coming back to hopefully finish everything. He says that for going over the estimated time frame he’s going to touch up some of our scuffed walls for free. I’m thinking that should only take an extra 4 days. 5, if his assistant doesn’t show up.

I’m definitely feeling like a home owner as jparks and I spent a large chunk of our long weekend working on various home projects. I painted and he elfa-tized our bedroom closet.

In order to add the new shelving he had to remove all of my shoes from the closet. He stacked the ones in boxes in another closet and dumped all of the ones not in boxes into a big pile. Normally I would have yelled at him for this, but I was too busy to care. I was also too busy to count my shoes and take a nice picture of them. Instead I present you with this:

I’m not certain how many pairs of shoes are in this pile and tower configuration, but I do know that this is not all of the shoes in the house. I swear, I’m going to count them this week. Scout’s honor!

Did I sufficiently depress everyone? Probably not, I probably just depressed myself. Aw well, time for the cheering up!

I bet your wondering when I’m going to admit how many pairs of shoes I own. I’m wondering that myself. This weekend is the planned official shoe count and photo op. It’s number one two three on my list of things to do. Along with painting, finishing the unpacking, adding more storage unit pieces to my closet, cleaning out my closet, figuring out why I’m having trouble uploading pictures, trapeze, and dinner with friends. hmm, that’s a lot of stuff. But I promise to get those dang shoes counted.

I really wanted to wait until my shoes for the stripper class came in to do the count, but I think they might be awhile still. I won’t link to them because they are really awesome and I want to post pictures of them myself. All I’ll say is that they are red. Red stripper shoes make me happier than they should. Of course, I thought about getting these but realized I better wait until I turn pro. You’ve got to save something exciting for later.