I’m having a sort of “woe is me” type day today and you people out there in internetland will just have to suffer through it. Am sorry. But, WOE IS ME.

Some switch was flipped in me last night and I woke up this morning feeling an awful lot of disconnect between how my life is and how I think my life should be. I know it’s normal to feel like your life should be more fabulous than it actually is and while I normally say “yes, please more fabulous!” this time it’s not that.

It started when, over the weekend, Lily got sick. She seems to have some sort of cold complete with sneezing and spraying jparks’ laptop screen with doggie snot which is way cute, but needs to be stopped. I want to take her to the vet, but when do I have time for it? Oh yeah, that’s right, I don’t. I could take her to the emergency vet after work, but really, for a cold? I don’t even want to think about how much that would cost. I went ahead and made her an appointment for tomorrow morning, which yay she’s going to get medical treatment, but boo my boss isn’t going to be happy when I come in late and then leave early for my doctor appointment that afternoon.

Today I had a hair appointment during lunch. I wanted to get to work on time so I wouldn’t feel guilty about taking a long lunch (hair stylist is 45 minutes, round trip away, from my office) but of course, I overslept and was late to work. Now I have to work late to make up the time I was gone, which means that I’ll be late getting home, which means that I’ll be so hungry when I get home that I’ll end up getting take out instead of cooking.

Which brings me right to my next complaint: I am so sick of take out. Since buying our house, jparks and I have been strapped for cash. One thing that would really help us save money is if we cooked at home, but I don’t have time for it. I’m sure someone outside of my mind and body could look at my schedule and tell me how I can fit in cooking (hello, crock pot) but right now it seems impossible. This take out thing has been gnawing away at me for some time, but I keep my mouth shut because sometimes the internal gnawing is easier than fixing the problem. Jparks will only eat sit down restaurant take out; fast food is out of the question. And while I see his point, fast food = big ass, I can’t help but cringe every time we spend $20 to $40 on dinner. It should not cost this much to feed two people.

Some other little things that I feel like I should have time for but I just don’t are: having the carpets cleaned, putting away the laundry (the pile is currently worse than ever before), taking the dog for a walk that lasts more than 5 minutes, watching the three netflix movies that we’ve had at our house since April, moving the pictures from the sd card to the computer, actually opening Photoshop, going to Costco to buy toilet paper, and, oh my god, so many more.

I am just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by how much time work takes and how little time I have left over for my life. Overwhelmed that I want to have a kidlet, but how am I supposed to do that when I can’t even find time to take the dog to the vet? Overwhelmed because I feel like I’m some how mismanaging my time, when I don’t honestly think I am. Overwhelmed that I’m not getting to enjoy life, that I’m just trudging through it, working for a prize that I won’t ever win.

Right now, I’ll pass on the fabulousness if I could just have some success. Something that could confirm that all of this time spent at work isn’t pointless. Something that makes the growing pile of laundry worthwhile. Something that tells me I shouldn’t just come to work tomorrow and quit. “Hi bosses, I need to turn in my two weeks’ notice. The reason? Well, my life, it sucks and I blame you. Also, this job is a joke.” And I’ll take a small success, even just a week’s worth of home cooked meals. Or some clean underwear in my drawer.

I don’t need more fabulous, I just need more manageable. Is that an unreasonable request?

Please don’t get the wrong idea about jparks. Yes, he could cook, clean, and walk the dog but he works more than me. And if one of us really needs to be focused on work, it’s him because he is our family cash cow. Moo, honey, MOO. Also, in a month you’ll be all “wasn’t she just whining about how her life sucks? I quit this blog!” I apologize now for it. I am lame. Regular broadcasting will return tomorrow.

While packing for BlogHer it occurred to me that my pajamas are beyond ratty. Knowing that I was rooming with Whitney and not jparks, who is very used to my scrubs that are so old they are basically transparent, prompted me to think “I should go buy some new pajamas.” But I didn’t actually go buy new pajamas, I simply dug out some yoga pants and a tee shirt and called it a day, because that’s how much I respect Whitney, enough to cover my naughty bits around her, but not with the proper garments (on a side note, at one point over the weekend I did fall asleep naked but wrapped in a towel. So that thing about respecting Whitney? It just jumped out the window)

I honestly hate buying pajamas. And underwear. And right now I desperately need both. I know some people hate the shopping for underwear portion of the experience but I actually like that. I don’t mind bra fittings, even really touchy feely ones. I don’t mind that I’m one size in regular clothing and the next size bigger in pajamas and underwear. Nothing about the experience bothers me expect for paying for the items I need. I hate shelling out money for pajamas. I hate paying for bras. And I will spend a stupid amount of money of shoes, but then go cheap cheap cheap for underwear. (Although I draw the line at CostCo underwear. That’s just wrong)

And the fact that bras can easily be the most expensive item of clothing I’m wearing on any given day just pisses me off. No one (except maybe jparks if I’m feeling giving) is going to see it, so why should I have to spend a crapload on them? I’m not trying to make a fashion statement with pajamas, I’m just trying to comfortably sleep in them, so why can’t they be cheaper? GAW, this really pisses me off.

Maybe if I make a day our of the pajama and underwear shopping that’ll ease the pain of spending the money. Who’s up for a champagne brunch and an afternoon of shopping? Anyone? Bueller?

I am in a MOOD. Mess with me right now and you might lose an eye. Or a testicle. Probably just an eye if you’re a girl. But if you’re that guy that’s pregnant, then you lose an eye AND a testicle.

not that there’s anything wrong with the pregnant guy, he just gets the male and female punishment for messing with me