Well, this was a fun weekend here at Parks Place. Assuming the new definition of fun is “exceptionally bad or displeasing.” Or “having undesirable or negative qualities” would work as fun’s new definition as well. Either way this weekend was sucky. And crappy. And did I mention not fun at all?

Thursday night Tru started with a fever, which we managed through the night with tylenol and cool rags. Friday I took him to the pediatrician expecting to be told we were all clear and it was just a fluke spike in his temperature. Expect it turns out it wasn’t just a fluke and the kid had swine flu H1N1. And because the flu wasn’t enough, the pediatrician called a few hours later to tell me that Tru’s urine sample came back positive for a urinary tract infection. I do want to give Tru props for being a trooper, as sick as he was, he was still smiling and generally in a good mood.

We’re past the worst of the flu and now are left to deal with the UTI. Apparently UTIs are not very common in baby boys so when he’s done with his antibiotics, Tru gets an ultrasound. Depending on the results of that we’ll move on to a voiding cystourethrogram which involves a catheter and dye inserted into his bladder. I’m trying not to worry too much about this because what good will it do? We can’t get the ultrasound for at least a week, and I refuse to obsess about it until then. I will not be referring to Dr. Google because that just leads to sleepless nights spent staring at the ceiling while I chew my bottom lip off.

While I was at the pediatrician and the bad news was washing over me, I kept reminding myself that at least Saturday would be a good day because it was New! Car! Day! A couple of weeks ago jparks and I decided to get an Audi Q5 and Saturday was the day it would be ready for pick up at the dealership. I spent a lot of time while we were considering a new car walking around dealerships, talking to salesguys, researching on edmunds.com, and test driving various models and the Q5 came out on top time and time again. For a bigger car it’s sexy, it handles beautifully, and it comes with enough gadgets inside to make jparks happy. I felt like if I were going to be buying a Mom car, the Q5 was a pretty damn cool Mom car.

Saturday morning came and I called the dealership to make sure the car was ready for pickup when the salesguy dropped this bomb on me “My sales manager says I can’t sell you the Q5 at the price we talked about.” Basically he claims that the Q5 is in such demand that they can sell it at sticker and we had agreed on a price that was not sticker. We hadn’t filled out any paperwork yet because they wanted us to take care of all of that once the car arrived and while I probably could have gone to the dealership and made a scene, I just wasn’t feeling it. The disappointment of not getting the car I wanted and expected should have lit a fire under me, but instead I was feeling rather worn down and just told the dealer “Thanks, but no thanks.”

It’s safe to say that my plan to eat better did not work out so well this weekend. When life gets tough, pie and cookies are very comforting. I guess my new plan is that if I can’t have a new car, I should eat until my ass is as big as one. Good plan!

For the past few Novembers I’ve participated in National Blog Posting Month, and for a couple of days at the end of October I was stupid enough to think I would be able to participate again this year. And then the second day came and I stared at my laptop screen for a few minutes and promptly passed out. I never realized before just how hard it is to string together words into a post when you’ve had all the creative energy sucked out of you by an infant that enjoys made-up-as-you-go songs. Excuses, excuses.

Since I failed at NaBloPoMo before I even really got started, I’ve decided to take up another task, Slynnro’s NoImYoSeMo. Instead of making a blog post a day I’ll make a list of things I want to improve in my life, which oh my god there are so many, and then try my best to get the list done by the end of the month. Sounds easy enough, let’s go!

None of these are huge changes to my life but each one will help me in some way. And besides, I’m not certain right now is the best time to try and take on a huge change. I feel crappy enough that I failed at NaBloPoMo, I can only imagine how crappy I would feel if I weren’t able to make an improvement in my life that I had told everyone about and that I wanted to accomplish. So drinking more water and cleaning drawers it is!

Usually I’m up for celebrating Halloween but someone apparently peed in my Halloween corn flakes this year, because I was really not feeling it. I tried to get into it, I really did, but between the super crowded Google Halloween party and the disappointing Fall Fest I attended, my Halloween spirit died quickly. I did manage to dress Truman up once in his caterpillar costume which made me happy:

ohhhh it’s the elusive Regan smile. No one make any sudden movements so we don’t scare it away

On Halloween night I thought about hitting a local mall with a friend to see the kids all dressed up for a costume parade, or visiting a neighbor’s house because they had set up their porch for a Halloween photo backdrop, or even just going to another friend’s house to hang out but in the end I was lazy and stayed home. Since last year we had one kid come to our house I hadn’t bought any candy and now that we were going to be home, and I would hate to get egged, a quick trip to the store yielded one bag of Mr. Goodbars, which are one of my favorites. Turns out we got more kids than I was expecting and when I lowered the bowl of Mr. Goodbars down for them to grab some, there were quite a few disappointed sighs. Who knew kids aren’t into chocolate and peanut goodness. Sorry kids, I’m happy to share my candy with you but I can’t promise our palates will like the same things. You should be glad I didn’t hand out dark chocolate covered salted caramels since that’s what I really like.

Maybe next year will be better. Tru will be old enough to stand up and act cute in his costume and I’ll know not to buy Mr. Goodbars for the trick-or-treaters. Or I’ll buy Mr. Goodbars but then get something else that kids actually like. Maybe I’ll even go crazy and buy a pumpkin. Whoa, slow down self, you don’t want to get too wild.

Can we talk about a few things that have been pissing me lately? Perhaps it’s because I’ve been sleeping less but it seems like way more little things drive me out of my damn mind and I just can’t take it anymore. And seriously, it’s all little things that should not bother me. What can I say, parenthood has made me a cranky bitch. Now I understand what happened to my mom. (kidding, mom. Please don’t cut me out of your will, I really want your jewelry.)

A radio station here has started playing what they call “Vintage Vinyl” but I call “Songs From When I Was In High School And Are Not Vintage By Any Means, Dammit I Am Not Old.” When I hear the term “Vintage Vinyl” I expect songs that were actually released on vinyl, not songs that came out in the age of cds, which are not made of vinyl. I guess “Plastic from the Past” doesn’t have the same catchy ring to it that “Vintage Vinyl” has. Also, that song from Kids is not vintage music! Neither is Closing Time by Semisonic! Don’t make me send you a list of acceptable vintage songs Live 105, because I will. I have no life and have time to care about this sort of crap.

I’ve recently joined a new gym and many people there wear these abominations:

I honestly can’t come up with words that accurately convey the level of disgust I have for those shoes. Those shoes are what happens when crocs and toe socks drink a bottle of vodka and then do something regrettable together. They are unnatural and should be eradicated from the Earth. I should not have to look at them while I work out and my mind will not be changed about this no matter what you say.

And speaking of the gym, are there rules regarding using cardio equipment too close to another gym goer? Today I was on a treadmill and there were at least ten other treadmills open to my left, yet a woman got on the one right next to me. Too close! Personal space! I don’t want to be sprayed by your sweat! There need to be rules about this. I think we could apply men’s urinal rules to these types of situations and everyone would be happier.

Has anything been pissing you off that you would like to share with the class?

Recently a pregnant friend emailed me a list of name suggestions because Truman was included on the list. And while finding his name on a baby name list is nothing special, finding it on a list of yupster baby names is. After reading the description of a yupster, a blend of yuppies and hipsters, I had to laugh because despite what I think I am, a yupster pretty much sums up jparks and I.

And since I want Truman to feel like he belongs in this family, I did this to him:

Future Accountant, originally uploaded by whitneybee.

Don’t lie, right now you’re dying from the cuteness.

Saturday I packed up the breast pump and headed out for my first day away from Truman. Brace yourself for this next confession: I loved my day away from him. Don’t get me wrong, I missed the kid like crazy, but the day was super awesome fun. I went to BlogHer Food because you know, I’m nothing if not a food blogger.

Okay, so yeah, not really a food blogger in the slightest bit, but I do read an insane number of food blogs and a lot of the panels could apply to any type of blog, so I decided to go. This decision worked out really well as I learned quite a bit (mostly that I am a blogging slacker) and I met and got to get drunk hang out with some amazing people.

The day started with Tracy and I heading up from the South Bay together. Once we checked in, we found Whitney and Megan. And then, around lunch time, we picked up a fifth: Joy the Baker. This was an incredible group of people to spend the day with as I don’t think I’ve laughed as hard, or as often, as I did on Saturday in a really long time. By the end of the night, as we sat in the hotel room giggling over things that could only be funny to a group of drunks, it felt like we had all known each other forever.

I honestly think the reason I didn’t spend the day upset with myself for leaving Truman was because of the fun I was having with these girls. They helped me feel like my old self and at this point that feeling was really what I needed. Sunday and today I didn’t think about clothes or going to the gym. Today I was content to be at home taking care of Truman because I had been able to spend a day relaxing and just thinking of the glasses of champagne in front of me and not trying to remember when I had last changed a diaper or fed the kid. The day away from Truman did more to remind me that I am still myself than any hour on a treadmill ever could and feeling confident that I’m still me actually made me a better mom today.

I bought my conference ticket thinking I would go and hear some incredibly talented food bloggers talk and I did do that, but I also ended up making some new friends who really helped me feel confident as a mom. That alone was so worth the price of my ticket. Thank you BlogHer for creating a situation where I got to meet this ladies and thank you ladies for giving me confidence.

Yesterday I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time since February. Don’t judge me, while pregnant I knew would be suffering the pain of labor shortly so I decided to skip the joy of ripping hairs out of my face. This led to some very overgrown eyebrows, but whatever. It’s not like keeping them shaped and groomed would have made me attractive, my huge stomach pushed me so far from that point that no amount of waxing could bring attractiveness back to my pregnancy body. Anyway, today I went and got my brows waxed, but before leaving the house I did something awful. I was hungry so I ate a tuna sandwich. Then I got in my car and drove to the waxer without even giving one thought to how awful my breath had to be and how close the waxer gets to your face during the appointment. Once there I realized what I had eaten and desperately searched for some gum or mints but I found nothing. I’m sure the waxer thought I was a total bitch when I only gave her one word responses to her questions, but really, it was for her own good.

Jparks went back to work on Monday leaving Truman and I to start our stay at home lifestyle. Things like the waxer situation where I act first and then think have been popping up all over the place because I am so disheveled. It seems the only thing I have a firm grasp on, and there’s no chance in hell I’m letting go, is my wardrobe. I’m so terrified that I’ll lose part of my personal identity to motherhood that I’ve become more obsessed with what I’m wearing than ever before. Basically I don’t want to start down the slippery slope that ends with this:

Today I go to my OB and hopefully I’m all recovered from childbirth and am given approval to start working out again. I think part of the reason that I’ve developed my new clothing obsession is because while yes I have lost all my pregnancy weight, my body just isn’t the same. My arms have gone flabby from not doing weights and my stomach is more pouchy than ever before. Also, my ass is huge, but that’s always been the case. I don’t even want to think about the leg muscles I’ve lost from not running in 10 months. During my pregnancy I hated that I had become such a stationary blob, and while I knew exercise some would be fine, I was just too sick to want to do anything more strenuous than walking from the bed to the couch. Now I feel like I have the chance to take control of my body again and I’m doing that by signing up for more fitness things than any person with a six week old should. I’ve found a 5K that I plan on running in November and a half marathon in February. I’m going today to tour the fancy new JCC because it appears to be the nicest gym in the area. And finally, I plan on getting information about a personal trainer because if you’re going to go full force towards crazy exercise women, then you really need all the proper accessories.

I’m sure that shortly I’ll burn myself out on being obsessed with clothes and working out, but until I reach that point Viva la Obsession! Time to wear my new favorite red heels and dig out my running shoes!

Sunday night I placed an ad on craigslist under the domestic gigs category. Basically I had spent the day staring at my massive pile of clean laundry and just couldn’t take it anymore, so I posted explaining that I was looking for someone to help me fold, iron, and put away laundry once a week, and if time permits, take care of some other light housework. I offered to pay hourly, but since I have no idea what this kind of light housework should pay, I asked people to name their own pay rates.

Before we go any farther, let me give you two pieces of advice:

1. If you ever want blog fodder, post an ad on craigslist, because the responses! Holy hell, the responses are awesome.
2. When you post an ad on craigslist, don’t use your main email address. Even though I had them make my email anonymous, my inbox has been flooded with responses. Seriously, we’re talking over 150 so far.

At this point I’m not certain I’ll end up hiring anyone because really, can’t I handle doing my own laundry? (ha, I couldn’t do my own laundry before life with a baby) But I am certain I need to share some of the responses with you:

“I’m a proud American, born on American soil.” Wow, is someone a little xenophobic? I wonder what part of my ad made them think I’m looking specifically for an American. And not just some pansy-ass-not-proud American, but a Proud! American! who was born on American! Soil! America, Fuck Yeah! How awesome would it be if this person found out they were born in Canada because their parents were on vacation and their mom went into labor while there? What would they put on their cover letters if that were the case? How could they live with themselves?

“I like to foil clothes. I like clothes to be foiled like in stores.” Thanks, but I’ve got all my foil hat needs met at this time.

“I would like to work for you. I like to do laundry. I don’t iron.” Ironing is the majority of what I need done. In fact, it says it right there in the ad. Perhaps next you could apply to be an astronaut. “I would like to travel. I like spaceships. I don’t want to leave the Earth”

“I have experience with basic housekeeping. I can help you for $50 an hour.” So wait, let me make sure I understand this, you want $50 an hour to do my laundry? Is this code for a prostitute? Have I stumbled on to some kind of secret craigslist sex ring? “Hey baby I love doing laundry, can I fluff your towel with my mouth?” And if we’re not talking about $50 an hour for sex, is this person crazy? I want to email her back and say that if I could afford to pay her that much wouldn’t I already have a full staff to attend to my every need?

Out of over 100 responses, three look promising because they are college students who could potentially become baby sitters. The rest of the applicants are either too crazy to allow into my house or too expensive for anything other than sex. Who knew good help was so hard to find.

I pretty much knew going into this parenthood thing that being sleep deprived for awhile would be the norm. What I didn’t know was just how much I would rely on my tivo and netflix to get me through the wee hours of the night when I’m so tried that I can’t focus on much. I tried reading but when Truman’s stuck to my boob, drool is gathering in the corner of my mouth, and my eyes are half open, the last thing I can focus on is a book. Honestly, even a magazine is a bit over my head at that point. It’s safe to say that if I didn’t have a tivo I’m sure that I would have fallen asleep during a feeding and dropped Truman.

So because I’m tired and I refuse to cave and give you guys more Truman pictures instead of real content, here are my thoughts on random crap I’ve been watching at night:

On Food Network a new show called “What Would Brian Boitano Make?” recently premiered and it’s so good. I had no idea Brian Boitano had a sense of humor about himself, but he does and now I love him. In one episode he says he loves figure skating, riding his bicycle across rainbows, and cooking, then they show him riding his bike across a cartoon rainbow. I don’t care if every recipe he features is total crap, the biking bit won the show a season pass on my tivo. (For the record all of his recipes seem tasty, but I haven’t made any of them yet) Mr. Boitano, I see you’re local, can I come over for dinner?

People, one word: Hoarders. This is the most depressing show on tv and yet I can’t not watch, unless we’re talking about the cat hoarder episode, which I deleted from my tivo so I wouldn’t be tempted. I think the most depressing aspect of the show is that these people aren’t magically fixed at the end of the episode and you know within a year they’ll be back in the same situation. I mean, won’t pitching all their crap just make them go out and get even more crap, even faster. I’m fairly certain that once a hoarder, always a hoarder.

I hate Cake Boss. Buddy is no Duff and their cakes aren’t nearly as interesting as Ace of Cakes’. We get it, you’re Italian and you make cakes. You’re like the Godfather of bakeries. Yay for you.

When pregnant I became obsessed with pregnancy shows like “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” Now that I’ve had the kid, one would assume I would start watching shows like “Supernanny”, but that’s not the case. No, I’ve started watching wedding shows and my favorite is “Bridezillas.” Basic premise of the show is that some women become crazy bitches about their weddings and their crazy bitch ways get filmed and aired for normal people to see. I thought the women on the show would be a little crazy, because if they were really crazy why would they sign up to air that on national tv? Holy crap, was I wrong. The women they feature are beyond really crazy. I want a behind the scenes episode where the producers tell how they find these women. Do they send in audition tapes and if so, can we see them? Also, can we have a follow up with some of the women? Did they watch their episodes and feel embarrassed? Did they manage to stay married? I need more info!

My baby can read but only if I buy him a five dvd set. Because watching tv is how most kids learn to read, right?