Did you guys hear that really loud explosion earlier today? It was my head spontaneously combusting over the fact that my blog was broken and I didn’t have the knowledge to fix it. A friend sent me a quick explanation of what could be wrong, but all I was capable of doing was forwarding the email to jparks with a note that said “PLEASE HELP ME!”

See, jparks and I have been going back and forth for a couple of months now about moving me from wordpress to blogger. The fight usually goes like this:

jparks: “Wordpress sucks my balls! I’m moving you to blogger!”
me: “Suck your own balls! I’m not moving to blogger!”
jparks: “Fine, then I’m not helping you with your blog anymore. Deal with it yourself!”
me: “Sounds better than moving to blogger!”

(we are mature)

But then something goes wrong, like my blog going AWOL, and I have to beg him to help me. You might have noticed that I recently uploaded a new template and somethings haven’t worked since then. Like links to other blogs or the list of books I’ve read recently (both highly exciting I tell you). They don’t work because I have no idea how to fix them. Also, the font on the site is tiny and makes my head hurt but I have to suck it up because my husband is cruel and will not fix it for me.

Jparks recently moved his blog over to blogger and won’t shut up about how much easier the upkeep is. I’ve recently purchased a crapload of new domains and jparks created them on the blogger platform (which I didn’t realize he was doing when I bought them. sneaky bastard) but I’m holding out for Formation of Me. Wordpress might not be the best platform out there, but it works for me, so why change? Moving to blogger is not a change I can believe in.

And until I hire someone to do the behind the scenes work for me, the font will be tiny and you’ll have no idea what blogs I read. I know this leaves you feeling empty inside and for that I blame jparks, the wordpress intolerant bastard.

“You know I only said ‘Ohh Pottery Barn!’ was because I thought they would have a sugar bowl for my tea. I really need a sugar bowl”

Tonight I went and bought him a sugar and cream set and when I gave it to him this came out of his mouth:

“Now I can have a tea party!”

Yet he still maintains that he’s not gay.

So, who wants to come to jparks’ tea party? RSVP now so he knows how many finger sandwiches to order.

I think jparks and I are finally accepting the fact that we will not be able to fly home to NOLA for Christmas. I had pretty much given the dream up when we returned from Ireland and the economy took a sudden hit, but jparks was still holding out. When my grandfather passed away that was the final nail in the coffin. (what, I thought it was funny. Also, I am sick) We spent so much money flying home for the funeral that there was really no chance we would be able to afford to make the trip again, two months later. Also, I’m currently negative 34 hours into my vacation time at work. As in, I won’t be seeing an hour of vacation for months. I check that line of my paycheck every payday and watching the number slowly creep back to zero is killing me.

But the good news is that since we won’t be out of town I can get a Christmas tree. Like a real one, not a pink one that makes jparks rant about how I should remember that a man lives in the house too. I’m also putting twinkle lights on my porch. And possibly reindeer horns on Lily.

Of course, since we usually go out of town for the holidays, I have no ornaments or twinkle lights. So today I went to Target to check out my options and, OMG, my options are endless. I’m not going to go inflatable decoration levels of crazy, but I am going to buy the fancy led twinkle lights. And I’m going to attempt to make some of my own ornaments, complete with crazy levels of glitter and sparkly adornments.

Because nothing fills the void of not seeing your family at the holidays like led lights and glitter. Also, I think all of the mulled wine I plan on drinking is going to help too.

Tonight jparks and I had a date night. For us this meant we went to dinner and then shopping for a jacket for him. If you’re asking yourself how we manage to keep the romance alive in our marriage, here’s a few hints: Banana Republic and J.Crew. Aw yeah, the couple that shops together, bow chicka wah wah. Kidding. We really just shopped, came home, and watched tv. See, exciting.

Anyway. We went to the mall so we could maybe, hopefully, please god, find jparks a new blazer/sportcoat type thing in black. When we drove into the parking lot he saw the two story Pottery Barn and declared, with much elation, “Ohhhhh, Pottery Barn!” I called him gay and got in trouble. I’ve since been corrected (by him) and was told he’s metrosexual and I’m not to call him gay anymore. Gaw, gay guys are so sensitive.

We found him a coat at Banana Republic and then headed to J.Crew where all the sale items are currently an additional 50% off. That’s like free. So I did the one thing I hate to do while shopping and tried on some clothes. Normally I’m the person that will buy one pair of pants in two sizes, take both home, try them on at my leisure, and return whatever pair doesn’t fit. But when J.Crew does it’s big clearance type sales, they don’t accept returns so I’m left with no choice.

Here’s me after trying on four pairs of pants:

I was sweaty, red faced, hair a mess, and really pissed off. After seeing this picture, do you have any idea why jparks wouldn’t want to have sex with me, because I have no idea.

The effort of trying on things was worth it because I ended up getting a pair of pants and a dress for the low low price of $34. Total. That, my friends, is a bargain that I couldn’t pass up. Which totally makes up for jparks’ crazy expensive jacket. Gaw, gay guys are so snobby about clothing. Only the best, most expensive things will do.

Besides cleaning out clothes I’m also trying to give the house a general cleaning out too. I know that somewhere jparks’ head is exploding because I love nothing more than holding onto crap but, baby, times are changing! I’m moving crap out! But don’t help!

And since I love to hold onto to crap I’ve motivated myself with a list. It’s 250 lines long and when I fill it I’m buying myself a treat. I’m thinking some Louboutins, you know because clearing 250 things out of your house totally deserves a $900 pair of shoes.

And yeah, number two on the list says stripper heels. Because I think it’s safe to say that my sensual dancing days are over.

Also, those four things might have already been replaced with other things. Mainly a box that came in from the Gap yesterday. If I buy things and decide to return them, can I put them on the list?

So yesterday I was all I don’t talk politics on my blog and today, well let’s talk politics.

We have a new president-elect and he brought tears to my eyes with his speech last night. I feel like I can say proudly that I am an American citizen. The phrase is unfamiliar and doesn’t roll off my tongue easily, but I’m sure with time I’ll become much more comfortable with it.

And McCain’s concession speech? It was moving as well. To hear him congratulate Obama and sound like he sincerely meant it, was incredible. When he asked his supporters to offer the same respect and support to Obama that he will in the coming months and to remember that we are all fellow Americans, it made me believe that our country might just have a chance to heal and reconnect as one united front.

And while Obama’s win made the night unbelievably amazing, the fact that California voted yes on Prop 8 also made the night unbelievably disheartening.

On a night when we voted in our first minority president, we took a right away from another minority group. And no matter how you feel about same sex couples, we can not start taking rights away from citizens. The fact that we can take away the right with only 52% of the vote is unacceptable. And don’t even get me started on the fact that California residents care more about farm animals than their fellow humans. It is so mind numbingly ridiculous that I’m not certain I can apply words to it without them all being expletive.

To my friends in same sex relationships, I’m so sorry. I am embarrassed by California’s actions, especially by the fact that other minority groups played a big part in taking away your right to marry whomever you want. Other minority groups that have had to fight for equal rights of their own in the past. I know I’m only one person but in my eyes, you and your spouse are still a family. The state may not legally recognize your union, but I do. Let’s not allow this be the end of the fight for your equality.

Chances are that by the time you read this post, if you haven’t voted yet, then you aren’t going to vote. I’m sorry that you missed a chance to be part of history, because no matter who you voted for, it was historic.

I know I haven’t been really open about my political beliefs on this little blog o’mine, but I honestly get a knot in my stomach whenever I think about mentioning them. I come from a family of Republicans. Republicans who are not afraid to tell you all about how the Democrats are wrong and that frankly you are dumb for being one. I know that lots of other bloggers have the same family dynamics and they don’t allow that to stop them from being openly political but me, I’m passive aggressive. I’m a lover, not a fighter.

I know I can’t change my family’s mind anymore than they could change mine. So rather than fighting pointless political battles with them, I just don’t mention my political beliefs. They try to egg me on (This happened quite a bit at my grandfather’s funeral last month. I’m sure it was 90% unintentional and harmless) and I let the accusations roll off my back. To me the debating, fighting, and guaranteed stomachache is just not worth it.

I apply this same tactic to my friends, which is what I consider anyone that reads my blog. I know you may not like my candidate, but you’re an intelligent and informed adult and hopefully you made your choice on facts and not politic propaganda. I assume you’ve read up on your candidate’s policies and plans and have honestly made the best, most informed decision for you. I do not wish to try and change your mind, because you will not be able to change mine.

But with that all being said, if you think yes on prop 8 is a good idea I will debate with you. I’ll debate it in a fun, let’s not get angry and resort to name calling, sort of way. I will do this only because I feel that the supporters of prop 8 have been misleading about their cause. I won’t fight with you, but I will make sure you really understand what a yes on prop 8 means. In the end, if you still feel like voting yes on it, then that’s your decision and I’ll respect that. And I hope you could still respect me and my opinion.

And for the record, I voted and almost cried. I stood in my little voting cube, pen in hand, taking deep breaths to steady myself. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath all day, waiting for the results to start pouring in. Now that that’s happening I’m a whirlwind of emotions and can’t wait to have this day behind me.

America, please don’t let me down.

In the spirit of Slynnro’s NoImYoSeMo (November Improve Yourself Month) I’m going to talk about clothing and shopping. To the boys out there, sorry to bore you, but look BACON!

Have you been watching Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style? I have and it’s almost sad the way I hang on Tim’s every word of fashion gospel. If Tim says jump, I jump. Repeatedly, until my knees give out and I cannot jump anymore.

But while I love Tim and his advice, normally I feel disconnected from his advice seekers who appear to be fashionably brain dead. Most dress very age inappropriate or look like they don’t own a mirror. They look hopeless and overwhelmed by the idea of shopping, which is not something I can’t relate to. Yes, I might have to shop around a bit to find just the right dress, but I can do it, I have the know how and the ability. I know I’m not a fashion expert, but I do think I can put together reasonably attractive outfits that don’t make others want to call famous people to help dress me.

And this air of superiority I had was firmly in place until last week’s episode when the girl wasn’t that bad. Yes, her mini skirt date outfit was bad (I can’t find a picture but trust me, it was whore-y), but overall she had a ton of clothes in her closet that were cute. Most of Tim’s advice was to keep in mind that she’s petite and everything will need to be hemmed or altered. And that she needs to shop with specific items in mind, instead of just buying things on whims. And that jeans in a dark washed denim look more appropriate on an adult than lighter jeans. And that hello Regan Parks, this girl could be you, PAY ATTENTION.

So I did. After the show was over I started digging in my closet and pulled out numerous dresses, jackets, and pants to take to the tailor. The length on all of them are just a bit too long and I have a feeling I’ve not been doing my short stature any good. Next up is a serious inspection of everything left in my closet and a good purging of things that really don’t need to stick around. And the last thing on my to do list is buy a new pair of fancy premium jeans.

Jeans have been the one thing I can’t justify spending money on. Gap’s long and lean jeans fit me well and are cheap, so why bother paying more? Except that I’m starting to see that they fade and wear thin rather quickly. It seems I buy a pair and am back ordering another almost immediately and that’s starting to suck. So I’m setting out to buy a premium pair of jeans, like a real adult.

So, what brands do you suggest? Is Nordstrom the best place to go denim shopping? Am I out of my mind to want to pay that much for jeans? Are there any brands that are best for short girls? What’s the deal with trouser jeans? Is it true that when I start wearing premium denim I’ll start pooping rainbows? I think I read that somewhere.

I’ve been debating over whether or not I should invite people over for an election night party. It wouldn’t be a huge party, especially considering the election is in 2 days; just some snacks, some cnn (or fox news if Obama is in the lead and we want to watch grown men weep big tears of sadness), some drinks, and whatever friends want to join us. But I’m not entirely certain having an election party will end well.

I mean, we could have the chance to watch history being made and be able to say we saw it happen with a room full of friends. Or we could all do shots and get blind drunk if our candidate doesn’t win. And offer each other suggestions on good countries to move to after January. Hell, some of my friends might even like different candidates and be able to rub it in everyone’s face should their guy win in a surprise upset. What I’m trying to say in a very roundabout, poorly written way is that it could either be a lot of fun or the worst party in the history of parties. And I just can’t make up my mind.

So, what do you think? Do you want to come over to watch the election results at my house? Do you think a party is a bad idea? Do you want to be at your own house so you can start packing the moving boxes if your candidate doesn’t win?

It seems that I can’t promise your candidate the win if you come over here, but I can promise cookies and booze and that’s got to count for something, right?